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Original poster

Kids left alone - am I overreacting?

52 replies

AIOR · 12/08/2018 22:43

Need a bit of advice please as I'm worried I'm letting emotions cloud my judgement. Apologies for the length but I don't want to drip feed. Have been around for a few years but name changed to stop this being linked to my previous posts.

H and I are recently separated and are currently going through an amicable divorce. H's choice but I'm accepting of it.

H has taken both DC on holiday this week to a camp site. DC are 6 and 2. It's the first time they've been away from me for longer than a weekend and I was pretty nervous beforehand.

I spoke to H before they went and said I had concerns about them being lost, falling into one of the lakes or pools or being abducted. I accepted that these things were unlikely and that I didn't doubt him but due to my anxiety it was helpful to voice my concerns. H reassured me that they would be fine and he would be with them all the time.

Fast forward to today they've come home. Both DC have been allowed to go off on the site either together or with a 9 and 5 year old. DC2 has scraped knees from where DC1 dragged him out of a road after he fell when a car was coming and they both panicked. Apparently this was a site road so very low speed limit. Also both DC were bought back in a groundsman's 4x4 after they became separated and lost on the site. The groundsman picked them both up and returned them to H. They've been to other families tents and to a park that was within sight of H's tent.

I'm angry and I'm upset. I feel very lucky that nothing bad happened to either DC. Am I overreacting though? How would other people feel? Fwiw both DC have enjoyed themselves.

Both H and the DC have relayed the above information to me.

OP posts:

Cloudyapples · 12/08/2018 22:45

I think yanbu to be upset! the eldest is 6 and youngest 2?! No way should they be left unsupervised!

PippilottaLongstocking · 12/08/2018 22:45

honestly I wouldn’t be trusting him to look after them again until he can somehow prove that he’s capable of looking after them properly. Make sure there’s a record of everything that happened.

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 12/08/2018 22:46

yanbu, I would be very upset.

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Getoffthetableplease · 12/08/2018 22:48

You're definitely not overreacting in my opinion, christ I cannot imagine how I would feel hearing that. I'm glad they are okay and had a good time but wtaf was your ex doing whilst they were off?!

TheSheepofWallSt · 12/08/2018 22:49

He wouldn’t be getting them unsupervised again if they were mine

Stupid fucker- utterly careless, negligent, useless bastard

This has made me furious- I have a 2 year old, and the thought of this has me panicked just in the abstract

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 12/08/2018 22:49

YADNBU.
What an arsehole. I would be furious. What's he got to say for himself?
Agree with Pippi, and for the time being at least - after you have proof, text admission or whatever, he would not be seeing them for a while unsupervised if i were you.
Idiot.

ParisProperty · 12/08/2018 22:51

He is irresponsible and negligent.
They are not safe with him and I would be reporting this to Social services.
The fact that they had to be brought back in someone's car is shocking.

Paleshelter · 12/08/2018 22:51

Absolutely no way should they have been left alone to wander about, especially a 2 year old!! What was he doing whilst the children were on their own? Sounds very irresponsible to me.

formerbabe · 12/08/2018 22:52

I'd be fuming.

mistlethrush · 12/08/2018 22:53

OP. I have been going on a week away every year from well before DS arrived until now (he's 13). This is a week where I know everyone that is there, and everyone that is there know that DS is mine and a) should be behaving and b) should be in an appropriate location according to his age and the time. When he was 6 either DH or I were always 'in charge' of him - that meant we were always there. Since he's been about 10, given the set-up, he has had more freedom - we keep tabs on what he's doing where but, as he's relatively sensible and there are lots of eyes around, we give him this leeway as it's good for him. At 6 and 2 I would not have let him out of my sight, let alone cavort around the campsite on his own!

Original poster

AIOR · 12/08/2018 22:55

Yes 6.0 and 2.9. I feel sick thinking what could have happened but I know it's important to remember it didn't happen and that they are safe now.

They were sometimes with a 9yo but they had never met them before this week. I don't know what H was doing whilst DC were on their own.

What should I do now? Do I call him and ask for a chat? I don't want to stop him seeing them as he is their Dad but I need to know they are safe. He is supposed to be having them for another week soon but I feel like telling him he can't.

I'm worried about doing the wrong thing.

OP posts:

OliviaStabler · 12/08/2018 22:56

I don't know what H was doing whilst DC were on their own.

I think you need to find this out before taking this further as the reason will inform how you act.

Lynne1Cat · 12/08/2018 22:58

What was he doing, when the children were getting lost and on their own?! I would never let him take them anywhere again.

My son has his girls, 7 and 4, for 4 nights at a time in school holidays (the mother and he are not together, the kids live with her - she wanted the split). He takes them EVERYWHERE with him. They are never out of his sight. He's just had a break in Leeds with them and a break at Butlins, and has another break lined up in a fortnight.

You ex is negligent, stupid, selfish and just hopeless.

itsBritneyBeach · 12/08/2018 23:00

I don't even need to mention MM or any of the countless horror stories.
What a selfish bastard.

hettie · 12/08/2018 23:00

I'm a seasoned camper and my two were not allowed total free range of campsites until they were 6 and 9 and even then there were time limits and restrictions...
Try and talk tomorrow, try and raise your concerns calmly and asks what he thinks and check the kids accounts....

BretonStripe · 12/08/2018 23:01

Not overreacting at all. At those ages they shouldn't be out of his sight. You can't trust a 9yo (who they've only just met) to look after them!

I'd be so angry. Don't know how you play it from hear though sorry.

Paleshelter · 12/08/2018 23:02

A 9 year old is too young to be in charge of younger children. My son has just turned 9, there is no way he could look after or be responsible for younger children.

angelikacpickles · 12/08/2018 23:14

YANBU. Two year olds are unpredictable at the best of times. Even if the six year old was capable of wandering around by themselves, expecting them to be responsible for a toddler is completely unreasonable.

Smellbellina · 12/08/2018 23:17

That’s ridiculous you don’t make a child responsible for a toddler ever!

Original poster

AIOR · 12/08/2018 23:18

H told me about the groundsman's bringing them back, he said they had turned right instead of left and got lost. 6yo says they went one way and 2yo went the other and then 6yo old saw 2yo t-shirt from the truck so they were both in the truck then and went back to the tent.

H said slow moving car came down camp site road as both DC were crossing. 2yo fell and 6yo went back and dragged 2yo out of the road. 6yo old says that they stopped 2yo being "rolled over" (means run over) by dragging them out if the road.

H said he "had allowed them a bit of freedom"

I can only guess that H was sat socialising with the parents of the 9 and 5 year olds but I will check this when I talk to him.

Both the DC's and H's stories seem to match with only slight differences so I don't think it's a case of DC telling lies or exaggerating events.

OP posts:

PepperAndPops · 12/08/2018 23:21

YADNBU. I don't even let mine have that freedom and mine are 9 and 10. I still keep them within sight at all times when at somewhere like that (just come back from Haven for the weekend and definitely didn't have any desire to let the kids go off without me)

C0untDucku1a · 12/08/2018 23:24

Im appalled for you op.

C0untDucku1a · 12/08/2018 23:25

And i would definitely be informing my solicitor.

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 12/08/2018 23:26

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Hell. No.

I'd be seeking some professional advice not to limit his time but as to how best react to this from a health visitor or children's charity.

I'd be sitting down ex h and having SERIOUS words about what had happened and laying down some strict ground rules.

As someone who grew up camping on the same site with the same families every year I was never allowed out of sight until after 10 years old and I was a very responsible kid. Theres a difference between allowing freedom and just pure negligence. So many things could have happened and it's sheer luck it didn't. That's all. Luck. Just NO.

Mrskeats · 12/08/2018 23:26

I would not be facilitating any more access.
That’s neglect. Thank god they are ok.
That car bit made my blood run cold.

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