BIL says he's in love with me

[jollyhockey101]

Quite shellshocked and need advice.

Last night my brother-in-law told me he's in love with me, has been for a decade, and his marriage is breaking down.

We've always got on very well on nights out, holidays, boozy weekends away etc. But when stone cold sober, he struggles to make eye contact with me and clams up completely.

He's my DH's brother and older by several years. Myself and DH frequently talk about how strained we feel BIL's marriage is and can't quite understand why they are together (they are quite a mismatch)

I haven't told my DH as I'm not sure how he's going to react. Equally, I'm not comfortable keeping this from him. I also don't know what to say to BIL when I next see him.

Oh gosh that's really awkward for you. If you do tell your DH try and play it down a bit because you don't want to totally ruin their relationship.

And in future keep your distance from BIL.

If you tell each other everything , how could you not tell him this? It's already made you question your usual behaviour. It needs to be out in the open.

Toofle because there is the possibility that my DH will confront BIL, they'll have a big row and the whole family will find out (as hey are all very close knit) and even worse, SIL will find out in the worst possible way. I would rather play it down to DH, then there is less chance DH will say anything to his brother and it then leave BIL and SIL to address their marriage issues between them in a more natural way. She has told me on another occasion that she doesn't think they'll last much longer and are both very unhappy so I really don't think it'll be long before an announcement is made. Selfishly, I don't want my name to be dragged up in the announcement either.

I don't actually think DH will say anything to BIL as things are quite awkward and strained between them and DH understands that is going through a hard time. So I think he might just take putty on him more than anything

I agree that - no disrespect to you, I'm sure you are lovely - your BIL is miserable and has maybe put you and your marriage in a pedestal. Awful thing for him to tell you though.

Do talk to your DH - under play it as you can. But really this isn't and shouldn't be your problem to deal with - you've done nothing wrong.