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Original poster

How to tackle FIL's skid marks and shit stains?

52 replies

Immigrantsong · 02/08/2018 18:12

In laws are visiting. FIL has never had any regard to housekeeping tasks and every time he goes to the toilet he leaves skid marks and shit stains everywhere. I told MIL as I had to clean everything and she was embarrassed and very sorry, but not sure if I should say anything to him. We come from cultures where even me talking to my MIL about this was a step too far as we usually don't say a thing to in laws at all. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 02/08/2018 18:56

So. What are you going to do? Let him continue with his revolting behaviour? Numerous times on twice yearly visits. I can't believe the 'its a cultural thing' absolves some people of basic, human decency and respect for others.

annandale · 02/08/2018 18:58

I don't particularly mind cleaning up the occasional shit stain on the loo but I'm interested that you went to mil - sounds like the cultural taboo is only for men.

YeTalkShiteHen · 02/08/2018 18:58

So. What are you going to do? Let him continue with his revolting behaviour? Numerous times on twice yearly visits. I can't believe the 'its a cultural thing' absolves some people of basic, human decency and respect for others

Are you going to read the update?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Cleaning
Polkapjs · 02/08/2018 18:59

Where’s the update?

Justmuddlingalong · 02/08/2018 19:00

What, the update about her DH having a word and cleaning up after him? It doesn't address the overall problem though does it?

YeTalkShiteHen · 02/08/2018 19:02

@Justmuddlingalong no, but it makes your fairly aggressive “what are you going to do” question a bit pointless since OP has already done it.

Justmuddlingalong · 02/08/2018 19:08

She has, but without much hope of a great outcome.

YeTalkShiteHen · 02/08/2018 19:11

She doesn’t have to clean up shit any longer. Seems like a great outcome to me.

AnyFucker · 02/08/2018 19:14

If you are not going to tackle this, what was the point in posting ?

Shit or get off the pot. As they say. But don't leave any skids behind.

Justmuddlingalong · 02/08/2018 19:15

Yes. Not having to clean up FIL's shit would be a result. Expecting him to respect her, her family and home is besides the point obviously.

catsbeensickagain · 02/08/2018 19:22

Since you say you have to clean for daughter as opposed to yourselves I assume you have 2 bathrooms? In which case I would move daughter to mine for the duration of the visit and not open the other door. Either DHs words will work, or he will clean it but you can bow out. When they are gone stick your head around the door and if it’s not clean you and DH can tackle it together!

YeTalkShiteHen · 02/08/2018 19:22

Justmuddlingalong and how exactly do you propose that she goes against cultural acceptability and her entire family?

Not saying it’s in any way acceptable, but haranguing her when she CAN’T change it is pretty unhelpful too no?

Justmuddlingalong · 02/08/2018 19:29

Harangued? She could change it. But, without upsetting the apple cart, she won't. Fuck the apple cart.

Original poster
Immigrantsong · 02/08/2018 19:30

@justnuddlingaling and @anyfucker I do wish things could be as simple as talking to people about their shortcomings and them correcting their ways. But alas they aren't. People only change when they want to. My FIL has been like this his whole life and yes like you say his behaviour isn't respectful, but he will never get it. I can't control his behaviour, I can only control my reaction to his. Put things in place: my DH having a chat, keeping stays over at ours shorter, my daughter using the other bathroom. He is who he is and he is absolutely happy with himself. Nothing I will say or do will change this man. So all I can do is change the bits that directly affect me and support those affected by him.

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 02/08/2018 19:30

Justmuddlingalong easy to say when it’s not you living with the consequences of upsetting the apple cart.

Justmuddlingalong · 02/08/2018 19:35

Yes. She should obviously just put up with it, rather than upset the apple cart. Confused

YeTalkShiteHen · 02/08/2018 19:36

Well what the fuck else do you propose without making her own life miserable? Repeatedly she’s explained why she can’t and you just wont let it go.
You’re attacking a woman already under duress. Do you feel better now? Knowing it’s going to change absolutely fuck all bar make her feel crap. well done, give yourself a pat on the back.

Justmuddlingalong · 02/08/2018 19:38

Please refrain from haranguing me. And try not to be so aggressive, @YeTalkShiteHen.

YeTalkShiteHen · 02/08/2018 19:39

Oh that’s funny. Fine, I will. Will you extend the same courtesy to OP?

Might I suggest the phrase if you can’t take it, don’t dish it out would be appropriate here?

PortiaCastis · 02/08/2018 19:42

Have a sign made up saying

If you shit in the pan
Act like a man
Clean up your skids
That you obviously did
Or shit at home
And leave my loo alone

Justmuddlingalong · 02/08/2018 19:43

Thanks for that. I'll file it.

NorthernSpirit · 02/08/2018 19:48

Oh this is done disgusting. He’s obviously never learnt to clean his own shit up and has had someone do it for him. It’s revolting - I wounder how he feels when he goes into a toilet and it’s in that state?

You have to treat him like a child.

Had thus with my 2 DSC. Couldn’t flush a toilet or clean it up after them. My OH and I had to literally match them back into the toilet and give them the loo brush and bleach. They soon learnt.

happybunnymummy · 03/08/2018 10:50

I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what you want to hear. Clearly the situation is bothering you and you want to talk to him about it, but you say you can't due to culture. So what do you want to do?
You can either address the situation by breaking "the rules" and telling him or you can do what? Talk to strangers about how much you can't talk to him.
Either it makes you so unhappy you have to address it or it doesn't. Shit or get off the pot.

Magicstar1 · 03/08/2018 11:13

I don't know which culture he's from...but as he's broken both the seat and the bin, is he squatting on the seat? That would explain them mess.

Original poster
Immigrantsong · 03/08/2018 13:29

@happybunnymummy I posted as I wanted advice and tips and maybe someone has undergone something similar or comes from a similar cultural background. As it stands, people's advise really helped. My MIL is now cleaning after him and my DH had a chat with him and he said he would be more careful. I didn't see any mess today and things seem resolved with minimal offence to the parties involved. So talking to strangers has helped.

OP posts: