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Original poster

Neighbor's Constant Whining Child

29 replies

SapienteEY1 · 05/04/2018 23:06

Hi Everyone

I moved into a new house a little less than a year ago and my neighbors moved in about two months after me.

They have a three year old little girl who constantly: whinges, whines, cries, screams and screeches. When i say constant, i mean - constant!

The child is still screeching away and whining at 1am most mornings. There is no routine in place and parenting is totally ineffective. I can hear them repeat the same meaningless statements to the child, then ignoring her for a while, then repeating the same statements that are more of a plea and beg. Then they resort to yelling and all it does is make her scream even more. Their interaction with her are always pitched above her whining to try and drown her out but it only makes her raise her volume and just adds confirms to the child the need to communicate with shouting and crying.

I work with very young children in a professional capacity but don't have any children of my own. I chose no to have to listen to this whinging and whining. Although having said that, most children do not normally make this incessant whinging. I have seen the child and there are no additional needs there (and please, i know you don't know the ins and outs - but if a special need was causing the extent of whining that goes on, then there would be some sort of significant need that i could observed, but there isn't) It is purely just ineffective parenting.

I have spoken to the neighbors on occasion and they seem really nice. It's just mum, dad and the child. I often work from home and the crying is continual throughout the day too. When people come to visit they are shocked at how persistent this child is. I don't have any safeguarding concerns as everything i have observed and heard is just pointing to ineffective parenting. I have heard the couple arguing with the child obviously present, but no family or relationship is without this.

Every single morning i am awoke early with shrill whaling and crying. I chose not to have children because i don't ant to have to put up with this. I don't expect never to hear other people's children, it's a part of life that yo will hear your neighbors. However, this is so bad and i'm starting to lose my temper after about 10 months of this incessant crying and whining. There is this CONSTANT noise like the cooing of pigeon in between hours of constant screaming and crying. The child has learned this as an effective way of communicating because the parents respond - and so, of course, it is indeed effective.

Please do not advise me to offer help - imagine if your neighbor came round to you and offered to help you parent your child. I just simply don't know what to do because they really do need help - even if not for their own sake, for the sake of the child.

It is hard, i know, but it has to be tackled in some way as it is not fair to have to live like this.

What would yo do if you were me?

OP posts:
Shadowboy · 05/04/2018 23:08

Do you rent or own?

Greenhouseonthehill · 05/04/2018 23:10

It doesn’t seem right that a child would whine so much. What is it about, can you hear?

KateGrey · 05/04/2018 23:12

I’ve got two like this but they both have special needs. Do you own or rent? Can you move somewhere in the house away from the noise? If not I suspect your only options are to bluntly tell them that their child is too noisy or make some noise of your own so they realise how much you’re able to hear.

We live in a terrace and I’m aware that my 5 year old cannot make a lot of noise when she wakes at 3am. It’s not fair.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Families
Wolfiefan · 05/04/2018 23:12

You can't know there aren't special needs.
Have you said you can hear them?

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 05/04/2018 23:15

I’d move, or install additional soundproofing.

What else can you do? You hate it, you don’t want to report it, you can’t tell her how to parent her child so what are the choices?

RatherBeRiding · 06/04/2018 10:11

Do you own or rent? If rent, I'd moved as quickly as possible. Obviously if you own your house it's not that simple.

The parents are obviously aware but are unable/unwilling to tackle it. There is very little you can do to influence the parents and I doubt SS would be interested in a noisy 3 year old in the absence of any other concerns.

Either move, or look into some industrial strength sound proofing.

SickofThomasTheTank · 06/04/2018 10:17

Doesn't sound like the child is very happy though? Could she be neglected?

SS would be VERY interested in a child that's potentially being emotionally damaged or neglected @RatherBeRiding  They're not there just for parents who abuse or physically harm you know?!?

@SapienteEY1 Just give NSPCC a call and ask their advice? Let them decide if it sounds like the child is being emotionally damaged? You can explain it a lot better on the phone anyway

eggsandwich · 07/04/2018 08:33

My ds has special needs and when he was younger he just looked like a naughty child, but as he got older, he’s nearly 18 you would know that he has special needs by his mannerisms.

I remember when my ds was young he spent most of his time crying, but as he got older he’s able to work out what calms him down, but I’m pretty sure that the child’s parents are well aware of how she is.

Maybe when you next see them ask if the little girl is ok, you never know they might open up to you.

MimpiDreams · 07/04/2018 08:40

I have seen the child and there are no additional needs there (and please, i know you don't know the ins and outs - but if a special need was causing the extent of whining that goes on, then there would be some sort of significant need that i could observed, but there isn't)

You are completely wrong with this assertion. Invisible disabilities are called invisible for reason. My DD would have sounded the same at that age but nobody, including specialists, could 'see' her condition until she reached her teens. Most people still can't tell.

Tobestronger · 07/04/2018 08:49

You may not be right about the SN.
One of my dc has diagnosed SN and if you asked her old primary school class the vast majority of parents wouldn't know.
It's not always obvious.

I say that as someone who also worked professionally with kids before having mine.

ourkidmolly · 07/04/2018 08:54

What on Earth do you think anyone on here can do then? You've shut down everything anyone might say so clearly the only solution is to move. Start packing.

LizzieDarcy1907 · 07/04/2018 08:59

I'd pop a note through their door initially, and say you're finding it hard to relax in the evenings/weekends given the noise levels. You're sorry if their child has additional needs and you've not realised, but it's hard to relax in your own home when there is a constant background noise of a child wailing. Say you hope you can resolve this amicably without having to go to Environmental Health.

If that doesn't make any difference, put the house back up for sale or rent somewhere else. Life's too short.

hazeyjane · 07/04/2018 09:05

Exactly. I'm not sure what advice you are looking for - you know what the options are.

Earplugs?

Also agree that you really can't know if there are additional needs involved, having worked with children does not make you an expert in this, as this statement shows The child has learned this as an effective way of communicating because the parents respond - and so, of course, it is indeed effective.

evilharpy · 07/04/2018 09:05

LizzieDarcy what would you expect environmental health to do about a screaming child?

KarmaStar · 07/04/2018 09:12

I think I would invite mum in for coffee whilst the dc and dd are at home.
When she heard the lo screaming she might say something which will give you the opportunity to talk about it.
There is a chance she would welcome a friend to talk to this about.

Middleoftheroad · 07/04/2018 09:17

I don't think there's much you can do but move or wait until child starts school/nursery soon.

We moved into a similar situation with relentless crying - the neighbours used to joke 'little madam' ruled the roost and wouldn't go to bed etc. - The neighbours moved a few months later and it was so peaceful. New neigbour has a collection of vintage motorbikes Grin but still preferable to the crying.

Original poster
SapienteEY1 · 14/04/2018 20:53

Hey there - own it :)

OP posts:
Original poster
SapienteEY1 · 14/04/2018 20:56

Sorry but .... i've spoken with the child .... i can hear the child ... the child doesn't have special needs ... i've spoken with the mum ... i work in this field ... and if so - then why do they shout at her.

OP posts:
CrochetBelle · 14/04/2018 20:58

SapienteEY1 do you work for the NHS? You could save the medical field a fucking fortune.

Original poster
SapienteEY1 · 14/04/2018 20:59

Hey - definitely n special needs - just ineffective parenting ... although they are lovely lovely people :)

OP posts:
colditz · 14/04/2018 21:00

If you think she's not being abused, there's not really anything else you can do. They'd shut her up if they could, wouldn't they? Clearly they cannot.

Original poster
SapienteEY1 · 14/04/2018 21:02

Hahaha no don't

I actually volunteer with child charities - based in the top 20 deprived areas of the country - i would go above and beyond to help any of my families and me and my own family have taught and helped generations over the years - i'm a really patient and soft natured person ... i don't want to harm anyone's feelings. I'm a qualified professional too and actually work on the front line with families in some very very very difficult situations.

OP posts:
Original poster
SapienteEY1 · 14/04/2018 21:05

Environmental health can't investigate noise from children, regardless as to how unreasonable the noise is. However, that's inside of the council's laws etc ... outside of that, i can pursue legally - but again, i really think that this is too harsh ... i don't want to ruin their experience of being a parent and have them think they live next door to a horrible person...it's so hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
SapienteEY1 · 14/04/2018 21:07

The child is of nursery age but doesn't go. But i am counting down to this September lol.

OP posts:
gandalf456 · 14/04/2018 21:10

I feel a bit sorry for them. If it's driving you crackers, God knows what it is doing to them.