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Original poster

Wife's phone is killing me

42 replies

GreyJude · 03/04/2018 10:19

Newcomer so go easy on me?

My wife is never off the phone, messaging, etc, and I know she's up to stuff. She's being nice enough to me but I'm being eaten up inside as I don't know what else she's up to, either actually or else thinking of or planning to do. My trust is battered and bruised but I really want things to work. Geez, talk about Pandora's Box - but I can't 'un-know' stuff, so how,do know what I should do?

OP posts:
TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 03/04/2018 10:39

You sound a bit paranoid tbh. I have lengthy chats with my mates about absolute nonsense on Messenger/WhatsApp, doesn't mean I'm cheating on my husband. Or planning to.

How do you "know she's up to stuff"?

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/04/2018 10:45

How does being on her phone a lot equal "I know she's up to stuff"? I assume you mean she's cheating on you?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 03/04/2018 10:47

I'm always on my phone - MNing 😂

Quietlife1979 · 03/04/2018 10:48

Up to what stuff??

DeleteOrDecay · 03/04/2018 10:48

How do you know she is 'up to stuff'? I can see how being on her phone a lot is annoying but it doesn't necessarily mean she's being unfaithful.

SunshineDreamingAllDay · 03/04/2018 10:49

I'm never off my phone. It's because I don't get a look in at the tv and DP has no conversation in the evenings.

What basis do you have for saying she's up to stuff? Is there anything other than her phone?

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 03/04/2018 10:57

You seem very dramatic. Perhaps you could strike up a conversation. Or go and do your homework.

notapizzaeater · 03/04/2018 10:58

Im never off my phone either - but I'm not doing anything I wouldn't share with dh. Have you asked her ?

PurpleDaisies · 03/04/2018 10:58

What makes you think she’s up to anything dodgy rather than wasting time browsing random stuff?

Smeaton · 03/04/2018 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InterstellarSleepingElla · 03/04/2018 11:01

I'm always on my phone - MNing, playing games, watching YouTube videos - seriously I spend so much time on it but I'm not 'up to something', hope my DH isn't that concerned!

Has she given you any valid reason to thing she is doing something? Have you asked her?

Original poster
GreyJude · 03/04/2018 11:04

Well, a few months ago after a night out she sent flirting messages to a coworker then desperately asked her friends how to delete them, but added how much she wanted the bloke, and she’s left private online game messageboard chats open on her iPad where she was sexting while drunk, and where she used to laugh aloud and show/tell jokes and messages she’s received like I do with her, she clasps her phone to her or swipes it shit if I make any move to the door or towards her (she’s always got the back of the phone in my direction, I make a joke if it that she’s taking sly photos of me). Plus she deletes her WhatsApp chat history so the screen only ever show my or our family chats, which I know she’s not been posting on all the while she’s on it.
You’re right, I am paranoid, but as that saying goes, it doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Does it?

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 03/04/2018 11:05

What is the stuff can't you un-know?

FetchezLaVache · 03/04/2018 11:07

Sorry, cross-post. Do you find it hard to have a conversation with her about this, OP?

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/04/2018 11:07

Ok, so sending flirting messages to another man and sexting people online is not on. You're not paranoid to object to that. What does your wife say when you challenge her about these things? Does she not see it as being unfaithful?

Ski40 · 03/04/2018 11:09

I always have my phone on me. I read my emails, the news, do my online grocery shop, take part in forums like this, check out Facebook, have music or cleaning motivation videos on whilst I clean the house, put up recipes to follow for dinner, message my mum or brothers or friends, do my bills and online banking,book appointments, monitor kids homework, edit my photos, read magazines on Issuu and books on Kindle, look at pretty pictures on Pinterest or Instagram, watch films whilst I iron, listen to rain sounds apps to fall asleep. Damn- no time to cheat. 😉
I know phones feel invasive these days but they are part of everything we do. You should be able to discuss your concerns with her. No accusations, just say it bothers you how much time she spends on it and not with you. Good luck x

Passmethecrisps · 03/04/2018 11:13

This is not really about her phone is it?

You need to have a frank conversation with her about her behaviour.

What do you want to happen?

Penfold007 · 03/04/2018 11:14

You don't trust your W. Is there any point in staying married if there is no trust?

Adversecamber22 · 03/04/2018 11:25

You don't trust her and the actual messages are a reason not to. If she was just a bit obsessed and looking at bills, and funny pictures of cats it would be justa bitbthat she was ignoring you , she certainly doesn't respect the relationship.

Do you have children? If you don't have them then make sure you don't get a pregnancy in to this mix.

Speak to her properly about this, it may need talking about over a few days it may cause an argument but you have to let her know it upsets you. Her reaction to you being upset will show if she cares and wants to repair things.

If she doesn't and her behaviour doesn't change then there is no point in being with someone who cares so little for how you feel.

bluebeck · 03/04/2018 11:34

How did she explain the sexting and flirty messages? Was she apologetic?

I wouldn't tolerate it to be honest......

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 03/04/2018 11:41

I think all mnetters must look like they are up to stuff

Willow2017 · 03/04/2018 11:50

The hiding messages, flirty txts and sexting are red flags.
You need to have a serious chat about what she is doing and why.
Its very disrespectful and basically cheating on you.
I personally wouldn't put up with that in a relationship. If she isnt willing to talk through this and stop then tell her to jog on and do it somewhere else. You cant have a relationship if someone is going behind your back with this crap. You deserve better.

GloGirl · 03/04/2018 12:02

As the saying goes "You're not paranoid if the world is out to get you."

You have to ask yourself if you're happy to be in a relationship with a woman that disrespects you like that. You can't change her behaviour, you can only change you, and how you are willing to be treated.

Your move.

username7979 · 03/04/2018 12:04

It seems to get you down.
It is not dramatic, something could be going on, but again it might not. keep your eyes open.
What is going on for you? Do you feel she is not taking notice of you?
I hope you are not coming from a place of being controlling jealous and possessive.

If it makes you feel miserable, have a good chat about being present to each other, maybe have some phone free times now and again.

chocorabbit · 03/04/2018 12:25

You don't trust your W. Is there any point in staying married if there is no trust?
^This

The majority of people when they are with their OH won't spend most of their time on their phone, playing computer games etc. It's not normal whether flirting or not. This is like being single.

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