About neighbours child

[newnamechange1]

I have a new neighbour that moved in around Christmas time.

I don't know her well, I don't even know her name but she's nice. We leave the house at the same time on a morning and have the general chat.

She has a son who is 3 (or was 3 at Christmas) but he's young. I'd say he's still 3 now.

We don't have driveways on our houses, we have car parking spaces and she parks next to me.

The reason for this post is she doesn't strap her child in the car seat correctly. He's in a forward facing car seat with straps and clasp. Car seat should be fastened to the seat through seatbelt.

She doesn't have the car seat strapped in the car using the seat belt. She uses the seat belt to strap her child in and not the actual straps.

I only know this because like I say, we leave the house at the same time every morning and I see her do it.

From what I can see, she and the child's father share the car seat and when he drops the child off with the car seat, she doesn't know how to fit it correctly so she just puts the car seat in and straps him in with the seat belt. The actual straps she doesn't use, the child is placed on top of them which can't be comfy for him either.

If there was a crash, I dread to think. He's very tiny (very very cute) but small for a 3 year old. He won't weigh much. And he's in a car seat that just isn't fastened to anything.

Now like I say, I don't know her. I don't know her name, we've only had the odd friendly chat. But it worries me so much that she's driving around with her child not strapped in properly.

I don't feel it's my place to do anything. I don't know her. But I'd feel awful if something happened to the child. I know it's not my responsibility though. It just makes me so uneasy and quite angry.

He seems like a lovely child, I don't think there's anything else going on. He's always playing out and they go on bike rides and all sorts.

I'm pretty much 99.9% certain of the nursery he goes too, the only thing I thought I could do is let them know and maybe have a quiet word. My brothers gf is actually the deputy manager there so I thought I could speak to her in confidence. Or am I over stepping the mark?

What would you do?

I think you're a bit odd to feel angry about this.

Why would you not just offer to help her fit the seat correctly rather than telling tales to her nursery manager?

Just say "Oh do you want me to fit that seat for you? It's tricky isn't it? I only know how because someone showed me....I can do it for you if you want?"

Is it a high back booster? Ours actually clips to a bar behind the seat, like an isofix, and then the seatbelt straps my DC in. Once they are over a certain weight, they need the seatbelt and not the car seat straps.

Sounds like she is using it correctly if he is over the weight or height limit. My own dc 's carseat weekend exactly as you describe as it's a multi stage one. They do not need the carseat straps as they use the belt.

I don't have a clue how to fit it tbh. I used to have the same for my dd and I got Halfords to fit it. The seat belt has to go through the back of it and tightened and then strapped in I'll post a pic of which car seat it is - if I can find one after the school run.

It makes me angry because like you say, it's not hard to do. All it would take is a trip to Halfords or somewhere to sort it. When she gets the child out, the car seat just falls to one side. It's attached to nothing.

I would be really disturbed by my neighbour forensically watching me strapping my kid into the car. You sound really creepy.

I'm not creepy, like I say we leave the house at the same time every morning and it's something I see every morning. If worrying about the safety of a child makes me creepy then I'll hold my hands up.

For heavens sake say something. "Gosh, I'm surprised you don't need to use the seatbelt to secure the seat. How does it secure into the car?" And take it from there.

The seat can't be attached to nothing while the child is in it, if she's strapping the child in using the seat belt. That's how high backed boosters work - they are only raising the height the child sits at and providing side protection, the seat belt hold both child and booster at once.

He may be too small for a high backed boosters used with seatbelt, but that doesn't mean that the seat is "attached to nothing". If she's belting the child, sitting in the booster seat, in using the car seat belt it is impossible not to be belting the booster in at the same time.

Talk to your neighbor if you're concerned, in a friendly way, going behind her back without first talking to her is weird and inappropriate as you've no reason to believe that she is intentionally doing this.

this would really worry me too OP. Why don't you tell your brothers girlfriend that this is what you've seen your neighbour do but don't tell her that the child goes to her nursery initially, and see if she has any advice on how to approach the situation as someone who will have had safeguarding training and know the best way to approach parents? Then you can decide whether to tell her you think the boy goes to her nursery.

Well I took the advice from some who have said mention it as this morning was the perfect opportunity and it was in my mind to do it anyway. Me and dcs walked round to the car and she was there with her ds. I always wait until she leaves before putting my dcs in as the car parking spaces are so bloody small and we would end up bashing doors.

Anyway we said morning and her ds said 'put my car seat straight mum'. So I said 'oh my dd used to have one of those car seats, they are a nightmare aren't they, is it one you have to put the seat belt in all around the back of it and sort of thread it through?'

She laughed and said yeah it was but she wasn't sure how to do it and she couldn't be 'arsed' doing that every day.

I then said 'oh well if you pop into Halfords, they will show you how to do it, it only takes a minute if you know how'

She just laughed and said he's fine as he is and he doesn't like the proper straps on him anyway. I just said bye and have a good day etc.

Don't know why you're getting a hard time here OP. I'd be concerned too. But unfortunately there isn't much you can do if she 'can't be arsed'. If you tell the nursery now she'll definitely know it was you, and I doubt they could do anything about it either.

Honestly I think I'd give 101 a call. You've spoken to her, she's ignored you and it's illegal not to strap your child in.

Thanks both, I feel I've done my bit and hopefully me saying something might make her think. I doubt it but you never know. The actual seat belt strap goes right across his neck as well. I'm abit shocked at her response in all honesty.

I think I'll still speak to brothers gf just for advice. I won't mention the child to start with but I'm pretty certain he goes to that nursery as they all wear a distinct colour jumper and t shirt and I can see it on his collar (obvs he's wearing a coat every day at the min).

@Qcumber I think it's impossible to put anything on here these days and not get slated for it unfortunately. If something terrible happened to the child and I knew he wasn't safely strapped in to his car seat I'd get slated for that as well so can't win really

I know OP. I think you did the right thing. I don't know if 101 like PP suggested would be a good idea? I don't know if I could just let her continue. Car seats are a pain but they're a legal requirement. She's not keeping her child safe.

They're not using the Kiddy car seat are they? Not used a 5 point harness past the infant carrier stage auth this one.
www.kiddyuk.com/car-seats

OP that's exactly how i feel, if something did happen I'd feel terrible knowing I could have intervened and didn't. I am so paranoid about strapping DCs in car I do find it shocking that others are so laid back about it.

I had a similar situation with a neighbour who told me she left ger 1yo in the bath while she got dinner ready. She saw I looked visibly shocked and I just said 'you really shouldn't do that' but it is clear when we're together I'm the paranoid over-protactive mother and she is extremely laid back, she wouldn't realise if her DC had been missing for 10 mins. I think there's a happy medium somewhere between the 2 of us!

Op you did the right thing to say something. Depending on how thick his coat is does that also still affect how secure they are? Mines similar age and he never goes in in a big coat.

Google and YouTube is even less bother then Halfods so there's absolutely no excuse.

I'd also be tempted to call 101, do you know what time she leaves nursery? Time of from then so it looks like it could be more people?

If it’s the type I’m thinking of then she’s using it correctly.

You either loop it through and use the 5 point harness, or use it as a high back booster.

It sounds like she’s using it as a HBB but just hasn’t yet taken the harness out.

Don’t call 101. Jesus

Can you post a picture of a similar one OP?. The seat belt would usually fit through the back ( or isofix) to hold the seat itself in and the straps hold the child in.
I'd be worried as well. Unless it's a booster which as you know is just a seat belt ( and the seat makes the child higher so it sits properly on their neck).

It's very similar to this if not this one but different colour. I've you tubed this one and clearly shows how to do it.

Tbh even if it can be held in with just a belt, if its cutting across his neck she's not d even doing that right. She's also clearly stated anger can't be arsed not no actually this is right.

Don’t call 101. Jesus
I mean you know that being concerned about someone who isn't able to speak up for themselves and who is being put at risk by their carer is.. what's the word? Oh yeah, responsible. You don't want to be a irresponsible adult. If she has an accident just settle for a "duh!" when she tells you

It's not isofix so needs the seatbelt. According to the Halfords wesbite the harness can be used up to 18kg, then I assume it's like a booster ( it goes up to age 12). I'm guessing the lad isn't 18kg?!. So still needs the five point harness.
It's years since last fitted a car seat, I'd definitely be concerned. Not sure how you should approach it now though, sorry. If she can't be 'arsed' it doesn't bode well.

I might not have read this right so please correct me if I get anything wrong. I had a car seat that was a 123 car seat. It looked like one that needed to be fastened in via a seatbelt which I was one of those but it had the addition of isofix bars at the bottom so it could be fastened in either way. It also had straps and a clasp like you explain which I'm assume is a harness? But with it being a 123 car seat at stage 3 ds needed the seatbelt. It was really fiddly so instead of removing the harness I push the straps to either side to save the hassle. To the outside world it could have possibly looked like I wasn't fastening the car seat in properly and leaving her unsecured but I wasn't