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Original poster

About neighbours child

48 replies

newnamechange1 · 15/03/2018 08:22

I have a new neighbour that moved in around Christmas time.

I don't know her well, I don't even know her name but she's nice. We leave the house at the same time on a morning and have the general chat.

She has a son who is 3 (or was 3 at Christmas) but he's young. I'd say he's still 3 now.

We don't have driveways on our houses, we have car parking spaces and she parks next to me.

The reason for this post is she doesn't strap her child in the car seat correctly. He's in a forward facing car seat with straps and clasp. Car seat should be fastened to the seat through seatbelt.

She doesn't have the car seat strapped in the car using the seat belt. She uses the seat belt to strap her child in and not the actual straps.

I only know this because like I say, we leave the house at the same time every morning and I see her do it.

From what I can see, she and the child's father share the car seat and when he drops the child off with the car seat, she doesn't know how to fit it correctly so she just puts the car seat in and straps him in with the seat belt. The actual straps she doesn't use, the child is placed on top of them which can't be comfy for him either.

If there was a crash, I dread to think. He's very tiny (very very cute) but small for a 3 year old. He won't weigh much. And he's in a car seat that just isn't fastened to anything.

Now like I say, I don't know her. I don't know her name, we've only had the odd friendly chat. But it worries me so much that she's driving around with her child not strapped in properly.

I don't feel it's my place to do anything. I don't know her. But I'd feel awful if something happened to the child. I know it's not my responsibility though. It just makes me so uneasy and quite angry.

He seems like a lovely child, I don't think there's anything else going on. He's always playing out and they go on bike rides and all sorts.

I'm pretty much 99.9% certain of the nursery he goes too, the only thing I thought I could do is let them know and maybe have a quiet word. My brothers gf is actually the deputy manager there so I thought I could speak to her in confidence. Or am I over stepping the mark?

What would you do?

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 15/03/2018 10:35

Nkhutch but wouldn't you shirtily have tokd the neighbour that your child was in correctly thank you not laugh off not being bothered to do it properly?

FlowerPotMum · 15/03/2018 10:35

I've had a quick look on the Halfords website and this seat isn't isofix. Your right PP about not using the harness in a bigger child but I'm guessing the three year old would still need it ( and the seat secured with the seatbelt).
I'm not an expert at all but I'd be worried.

Original poster

newnamechange1 · 15/03/2018 10:53

Sorry I haven't described it all very well. By straps and clasp, I do mean harness. I just couldn't think of the proper names to call it. It's a long time since my dcs were this little.

When dd has one similar, we bought it from Halfords and they fitted it for us. I clearly remember the guy saying to us that these types of car seats aren't really designed to be taken in and out of a car unless you are 100% on how to do it. If you aren't sure how to do it, go back and they will do it for you. This was a long time ago now though, I realise it's all on you tube and google. It just stuck with me and even now, me personally would probably go back to Halfords and get them to do it to be on the safe side. But that's just me, not everyone is like that and that's fine.

I'd say 100% he still needs the harness, he's not a big well built child. He would be a light as a feather and there's no way a seat belt is going to protect him if anything were to happen. And like I say, it goes over his neck which I didn't really notice until this morning.

Brothers gf is great and I know she will know what's best and how to handle it so I'll go to her as next port of call.

OP posts:

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FlowerPotMum · 15/03/2018 10:56

Update us OP when you can please. You're doing the right thing.

Nkhutch · 15/03/2018 11:02

@SleepingStandingUp if I knew for definite that the car seat was installed incorrectly I would say something of course but I'd do it indirectly. Maybe go over and ask about it because I'm "interested" in it and ask her how it connects in the car. I cringe when I see kids in car seats that aren't fitted right my dd is the size of an 11 year old and will be in a high back as long as she can possibly fit in it as she had postural issues. Like i said some car seats can be isofix and seatbelt fix together as my dds old one is . I don't no what car seat the op is on about so I can't comment on that really.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/03/2018 11:07

But she did approach her, and the neighbour said she knew it was wrong but she didnt care

Nkhutch · 15/03/2018 11:09

@SleepingStandingUp I literally read the ops first post that was it that's all I was replying to not the rest of comments made. So unless I missed it in the first post then I commented purely on what was said to begin with

SleepingStandingUp · 15/03/2018 11:15

Which is fair enough,I'm just saying she's done what you suggested, neighbour doesn't care so now what?

Nkhutch · 15/03/2018 11:18

@SleepingStandingUp I wouldn't no if I'm honest.. at the end of the day no one can physically stop her from installing her car seat incorrectly. Even the police cannot do anything until she has already driven off with her dc incorrectly seated. It's a tricky situation I hope she realises her mistake before something horrible happens

Original poster

newnamechange1 · 15/03/2018 12:31

I think where I've gone wrong here is I should of looked it up before posting. The type of car seat it was and read up on it first, would of made more sense on my original post. I didnt know the correct terms to describe the car seat like harness and wether it was an isofix base or not.
Yesterday morning was the first time I had a proper look at the car seat and realised what kind it was. It was all that way on my mind this morning and posted before I should of done. The comments made me get some balls and mention it which I did. The last thing I want to do is come across as nosey or a spying busy body. I was worried about what kind of reaction I would get from her. Turns out not the reaction I would of expected.

I don't appreciate being called creepy by @squarecorners but anyway.

Like I said, I'm going to have a chat to brothers gf, I will not mention the child involved unless I think I need too. I'll take it from there and update here as there are others who it would concern just as much as it has me. Thanks to the supportive posters x

OP posts:

HeavyLoad · 15/03/2018 12:45

It sounds like you approached in the best way to me OP. And the neighbour didn't seem offended in her response, which is good. Be interested to know what your brothers GF suggests x

squarecorners · 15/03/2018 12:56

I don't care if you don't appreciate it, staring at other people's children is weird.

Looneytune253 · 15/03/2018 12:57

I have a high backed booster with straps and after a certain weight/size you don’t use the straps and just use the adult seatbelt to strap them in?

SleepingStandingUp · 15/03/2018 13:23

Oh get over it Square, she wasn't peering through a window to comment on what nath seat he uses. If you avert your eyes every time your neighbours kid comes into view, thats far weirder than watching someone put their kid in a car whilst you have to wait to do the same

HeavyLoad · 15/03/2018 13:33

I am always staring at other people's cute kids and babies. And other people often stare at mine. Sometimes I even comment on how gorgeous they are. I think it's very normal.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/03/2018 13:35

Oh God heavy, how could you be so....
....
Friendly!!

HeavyLoad · 15/03/2018 13:42

I know and I live in London ... not been arrested or called a weirdo yet!

Original poster

newnamechange1 · 15/03/2018 13:43

Where have I said I 'stare at him' @squarecorners ? You must be on of these pathetic posters that just uses mumsnet to wind people up.

I said we don't have driveways which we don't. She doesn't live next door to me either. We have allocated parking in the housing build that I live in. I cannot see the parking area from my house. I have no idea if she's going to be at her car when I am but she's usually is on a morning.

From now on I'll stand there at my car with my hands over my eyes so I cannot 'stare' and in no way come across as a 'creep' in front of her child.

OP posts:

Qcumber · 15/03/2018 15:39

Ignore square OP. They're either trying to start a fight or they genuinely believe looking at someone's child while you're in conversation with them is creepy. Either way, not really worth a response 😂

AnachronisticCorpse · 15/03/2018 17:36

She’s using it correctly, but it sounds like he’s not quite heavy enough. Meh. Please do call the police, I’m sure they’d love it.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/03/2018 17:50

If he isn't heavy enough then she isn't using it correctly, surely that's fairly obvious from the fact the straps aren't appropriately placed.

And why would the police not care that she is deliberately endangering her child?

TroubledLichen · 15/03/2018 18:12

Unless I’m missing something, this is one of those group 1-3 seats that secures with the seatbelt and has a harness for younger children but can also be used as a high back booster for older kids. And the neighbour is using it as a hbb for her 3 year old but because he’s quite slight you’re convinced he’s not quite heavy enough yet? I don’t think this is quite as serious as you’re making out but if you’re worried you did the right thing by mentioning it but if she’s not interested in learning how to fit it properly then I don’t think there’s much you can do unfortunately.

AnachronisticCorpse · 15/03/2018 22:52

Yeah the police are just crying out for people to dob their neighbours in for having a child in the wrong harness when he’s 7lb too light.

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