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Original poster

How to politely tell someone to butt out of your conversation.

65 replies

MrsAzul · 14/03/2018 22:49

In the past I have asked my partner a quick question in front of his mum. Say I'm buying something for the house and want his opinion on price. So I'll ask "is this alright?" And show him my phone. He says yes or no and that's that. His mum will ask what we were talking about and then wants to discuss it. How do I tell her I don't want to discuss something with her? Or that it's just between me and my partner without sounding rude?

OP posts:

greendale17 · 15/03/2018 08:57

Don’t be rude by having conversations in her presence and excluding her.

^This

boxyfingo · 15/03/2018 08:59

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. This would drive me insane! I think she sounds very controlling. Is she a bit of a control freak in other ways? Does she have other children, and if so do you know if she behaves like this with them? If so, it might help you to understand her personality and how to deal with her nosiness.

Ragwort · 15/03/2018 09:08

I don't think you will change her, some people just love talking.

They probably think they are being rude if they don't ask questions or join in the conversation.

My mother is the same, she just loves talking, exchanging views, asking opinions etc etc - I do find it quite exhausting.

But I don't think there is much you can do if people talk so much.

I work with people who love to talk all the time, I hate it but because it is they are volunteers I can't really tell them to be quiet, I just have to grin and bear it.

Qvar · 15/03/2018 09:11

Firstly, when there are three people in the room and a conversation is excluding one of them, that's very rude behaviour. Perhaps her asking you what you are talking about is her trying to prompt you into this very, very basic display of manners that you don't seem to have reached yet?

Secondly, if you have private matters, discuss them privately.

YABU

somuchsnow · 15/03/2018 09:15

So you are on your phone and showing your OH pictures why not include her. You are rude.

Qvar · 15/03/2018 09:16

OP - "AIBU?"

MN - "Yes, you're being rude"

OP - "I'm not rude, I'm never rude!"

MN - "The specific behaviour you are describing is rude"

OP - "I have to behave like that"

MN - "It's still rude"

OP - "In other cultures it's not rude!"

MN - "You're here though. It's rude here."

OP - "GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I AM NOT FUCKING RUDE!!!"

MN - "rude"

NotTakenUsername · 15/03/2018 09:18

I don’t know, the more op explains it the more I understand. It’s not a conversation to exclude mil it’s a quick comment or question in the hubbub of daily life that mil then pounces on.
Does she dominate conversations when you do chat, op?

ShiftyMcGifty · 15/03/2018 12:32

Why does it matter to you she expresses her opinion? Is it because she will have a different opinion/taste to you? Does your DH usually will go along with whatever you want? And does he suddenly pipe up and agree with his mother, when she does offer her opinion?

I can’t see why this would bother you, unless it results in you not getting your way and feeling like it’s 2:1, with your MIL and DH siding against your preferences.

Is that the real problem?

Because if not, why does her voicing her opinion about your wall colours really matter ?

BertrandRussell · 15/03/2018 13:14

"Why does it matter to you she expresses her opinion?"

I'd take a wild stab in the dark and say it's because she's a mil and they aren't allowed to have opinions, never mind express them!

BertrandRussell · 15/03/2018 13:15

Disclaimer-some mils are abusive, vile and insupportable.

Monty27 · 15/03/2018 23:40

She probably finds you hostile and as I said before she is probably bored. Give her something to do that will grab her interest

bonnyshide · 15/03/2018 23:48

If you're going to talk about something in front of her, it's understandable that she would think it's an open conversation.

If it is private, don't talk about it in front of her.

ReanimatedSGB · 16/03/2018 09:01

FFS, OP has said that, even when both MIL and FIL are present, if OP and her H are in the kitchen, they cannot have even the simplest conversational exchange without MIL barging in and interrogating them. It is incredibly tiring to have to spend time with a nosy person, one too thick-skinned to back off when given a vague answer.

OP, you could try the old broken record technique when she starts the endless questioning - she says, what is that, you say, nothing much, and for every question after that you just smile and say in a polite tone, nothing much. But you will have to be sure that your H is as irritated by her yammering as you are, otherwise he might take her side.

80sMum · 16/03/2018 09:09

BackforGood 14/03/23.32

If you're bothered about etiquette, don't exclude people from conversations, however trivial. It's rude.

This ^
Either it is private, so you save it until you are alone - at bed time or, as she is only there for 2 - 3 days every now and then, shouldn't be that difficult. Or, you just let her join in the conversation. If you are so rude as to try to have some kind of private conversation in front of other people, I'm surprised you are asking about etiquette.

^I couldn't have put it better myself! Totally agree.

ThriftyMcThrifty · 01/02/2019 21:30

She sounds like a nightmare. I would just say, that’s nice. But what do you think DH? Make sure you get his answer and then move the conversation on.

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