SAHM's - What is your response to this?

[irritableirritant]

Me & H have decided that financially we can't afford childcare for our 3rd child so I am now a SAHM.
I've noticed that lately I keep hearing a stock phrase - "I've been at work all week" in response to me either having the odd moan or giving out a task.
Is this a standard response I should expect to hear going forward?
I have a stock of responses to this phrase but now feel like I'm coming across as a nag.

I work and carry out chores during the working day and then on an evening/weekends I expect DH to pitch in when he can.

I think the above is what is supposed to happen...its what seemed to happen in my house

hope you get it sorted

I work while the bloke looks after our 4 kids (1,3,6 and 8). St weekends we split the child care and housework. During the week I do very limited housework but pitch in with the kids when I can (because I want to). I’d be pretty fucked off if he expected me to come in (usually 8ish although I do work from home a lot of the time in which case no commute but still in from outside office that time) and expect me to tidy up.

**Grobags - my daughter informed me the other day (she's 7) that when she has a baby the father and her will alternate going to work and staying at home. To me, that shows I have given her the best possible start by returning to work........role modelling is the most effective form of parenting...,

I used to say similar to your DD for a long time (well into my 20s) and yet I am a SAHM now through choice. I think we all try and make the parenting choices we feel will give our kids the best start in life, but I honestly think that we can never be certain that we have done the optimum thing. Your DD may choose to WOH or SAH and I hope you wil respect and support both decisions. I believe we should be raising strong girls that are empowered to make their own choices and I see opting to stay at home as a powerful, positive choice (I also see WOH as this too!).

OP - based on what I have written above you can probably guess my attitude to what your DP says. Obviously it's common decency to pull your weight in a household and if you find yourself at home with some capacity to do some housework then great however, the SAHP role to me is about being with my kids and spending my time with them. I would be seriously annoyed if I i WOH and left my kids with a childcare provider and they spent a significant amount of time doing chores and not interacting with my kids so why is this acceptable when I'm at home with them. Being at home is not about becoming the working partner's (or family's) skivvy.

Well I am a SAHM and to be perfectly frank, I DO think it's a lot easier than going out to work

If it was so great/easy more men would be sahds!

I'm a sahm. I'd absolutely love to be able to get up in the morning, get ready for work, go to work, come home to a clean house, dinner cooked, kids ready for bed, no housework, no laundry, no ironing.

Can he go part time or work a condensed week so you could work two days and just pay for one day childcare? You would be in a better position to then increase your hours once childcare costs decrease. Having a day a week of SAHP with a few after school activities seems to help dh understand that there is a limit to how much can be achieved in a day.

Being a SAHP is pretty dull, it’s easy to feel ‘put upon’ and as though you are doing all the mundane shit day in day out, with little - if any- company. If he thinks the tasks you are asking of him are below him because he’s off doing the important stuff, you have a problem. There needs to be some equality maintained for it to work, and he needs to invest in family life beyond being ‘the provider’. Your children need to see a balance.

Agree kids need to see a balance, but I think seeing one parent go put to work then come home and do the housework, whilst the other parent never goes out to work and only looks after them, probably isn't it to be honest.

I agree with thr posters who said the stay at home parent does what they genuinely can during the working day and anything left is split.

I've never felt when I've been home alone with my daughter of a weekend or mat leave that I couldn't do housework as well.

OP, next time he throws the I've been at work all week line at you, just reply So have I!

My husband throws this at me all the time.

I'm a SAHM we would be no better off if I worked as paying for child care or someone to pick dc up and take them to school etc plus id feel guilty in putting my children on other people even if I do pay for it.

I don't drive and hubby works a stone's throw away from our house so doesn't need to drive to work and it's impossible for him to be late . If I ask him for a hand with the kids in the morning most morning he's does help don't get me wrong. But if he is in a mood I'll say well your not doing to be late and he goes " you wouldn't be saying that if you had a job etc. I just tell him no it would be worse because for one thing I don't drive and my job won't be across the road from where we live. I wouldn't have anyone making my tea for when I get in. Sorting out the kids, doing homework , dealing with school etc. If the shoe was on the other foot then it would be entirely different for me. I have worked before and to work and do everything was an absolute nightmare.
So for some it works both ways but for me , If I was to work I would be doing a SAHM job as well as normal job and not being able to spend time with my kids.
I am grateful for all my husband does he hates where he works and works very long hours. It just annoys me that he thinks I just sit on my arse all day.
I say to him why don't we swap for the day I'll go to work and you be at home all day and do what I do. He wouldn't like it one bit.
I do to make the house run for some people it's easy but it isn't a walk in the park either sometimes.

TBH I definitely find WOH easier than I did being a SAHM - I found that utterly draining! I’m glad I was lucky enough to SAH for 3 years but no way was it easier!