Would really appreciate some advice!
Next week my DD is going to be going to my MIL once a week whilst I am at work. She currently goes to my Mom’s one day a week and was going to nursery twice a week.
Back story so as not to drip feed;
When she was born MIL was very, erm, let’s say over excited about her arrival and very obsessive over her, examples being - taking her off me whilst I was settling her, not agreeing to my breastfeeding as this was my way of isolating DD from her and her friends, wanting to have her on her own all the time and not being in same room as us with her so she could be alone with her….I could go on. It was agreed prior to the birth (despite my worries about it) that she would have her once a week when I went back to work, which of course we were very grateful to her for as its free childcare. However she then fell out with us as she became very jealous when we would see my parents and not her and FIL (her ex) and possessive of DD & telling me she never wanted to see me again and will not answer the phone when she has DD as she doesn’t need checking on (her not DD), also not being happy that we invited her ex husband (DH Dad) to lunch on Fathers Day (I shit you not) we had to make the difficult decision (in terms of it would cause more rift in the family) to send DD to nursery for the 2 days. This caused huge eruptions and her and sil didn’t speak to us for 4 months and accused us of not allowing them to see DD. Which of course is not the case.
Anyway, fast forward to now. She has made great efforts and been to see Doctors regarding her mental health (previous depression & anxiety) and has stopped drinking (which caused the majority of the outbursts) and things have been getting better. For harmonies sake myself and DH have agreed that she can have DD once a week from next week. She has been really excited and bought lots of bits and pieces ready for it.
We invited them over for dinner last night to just chat about it and discuss timings etc & DD routine and her likes and dislikes (food etc), how she likes to be settled – basic things that she wont know about her really as not had her alone for more than a few hours. And she went off on one again saying we worry too much, do we not think she knows what she is doing, she will do her own thing with her, do we not realise she has had children before, looked after her other grandchildren etc., etc. DH said of course we do and its not that we dont think she knows what she is doing with children, we just want to tell her about DD routine – I can’t see what’s wrong with that?
Again she repeated that she will not be answering calls or texts to us if we ring as she does not have her phone with her 24/7 (well yes she does, it is glued to her normally!) – This is what is worrying me! As she has form for being very controlling and has in the past taken other grandchildren abroad and turned her phone off so that my SIL & her DH could not get hold of her for 4 days.
I am feeling really nervous about it – all I want to do is call or text her on DD first day with her to see how she is getting on, same as I do with my Mom as I am generally interested and you know, care about my child?! Am I wrong in wanting to do that? I would not be worrying if it was anyone else, which is why I feel bad, but she has form for being awkward, possessive, and controlling. DH fully supports and agrees with me and has said one chance & if she breaks our trust then DD will not go again. I have visions of turning up to collect her & her not being there and not being able to get hold of her?! She will do it for spite and to then turn round and say what’s your problem. AgghhhH!
WWYD?!