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Original poster

Disrespectful fiancé

46 replies

Mummalovex · 17/01/2018 13:19

Hello everyone, I want people opinions,

So me and my partner have been together 3 years and have 2 children together, and just recently he has been going out until stupid hours of the morning with his friends ( I haven't got an issue with him going out) however he strolled in at 7am a few weeks ago, he is 33 and acts like an immature little boy, we bicker about anything and everything, he is off of work at the moment as he is unwell and he has lived with his mum up until he was 30, expects me to do the things for him that his mum would have done, when I say no, he gets very nasty and says things like 'I'm gonna fuck you up' and 'if only the kids weren't here, you'd be unconscious' I have been unwell but am better today, but last night I didn't want dinner so only cooked for the children (2 girls) and said to him, if he wanted dinner he could cook for himself, the verbal abuse I got was horrendous he said 'I want to slit your throat in your sleep' up until he was 30 he lived with his mum and he done everything for him, I've told him I'm not going to act like his mum and that I am his fiancé! Anyway he cooked his own dinner and had the right hump about it! Keeps saying his life would be much better without me in it. I don't know what to do... just wanted some advise please x

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 17/01/2018 13:20

I think your life would be much better without him.

Do you really want to model this as an adult relationship to your children?

LIZS · 17/01/2018 13:21

You need to leave or throw him out. He is being abusive and physically threatening. Womens Aid can advise your rights.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 17/01/2018 13:22

Really? He says he's going to slit your throat? You need to go to the police about him, but at the very least you need to not live with him.

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Relationship problems
Amatree · 17/01/2018 13:23

He sounds hideous and witnessing your relationship will do long term harm to your children. Get out now.

Original poster
Mummalovex · 17/01/2018 13:24

I've told him he needs to leave and is at his mums at the moment, I've told him he needs to move back in with her because I am unhappy with him and I do not want that around my children and for them to think this relationship is acceptable as it isn't, some days he can be absolutely lovely to me, but when he doesn't get his own way his reactions are horrible.

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 17/01/2018 13:24

Leave the bastard. Ffs op why in earth would you even consider marrying a man that speaks to you like that?!! Take your DD"s and run.

Sounds like he thinks you've trapped him.

0ccamsRazor · 17/01/2018 13:27

What if he actually followed through with his violent threats?

You are murdered.

Your little girls will grow up being abused by their dad, no one would be able to save them. Then one day he threatens them....

That is the bottom line Op.

Speak to womans aid, your hv and gp. Speak to the police about the threats. Speak out, get help, before it is too late.

Spadequeen · 17/01/2018 13:27

Well tell him he’s got what he wanted. His life without you in it and kick him out.

I would also report to the police so that he can’t claim to be the perfect partner and father. It sounds like you and your children are in danger.

No way would I live with someone who treated me like that.

Original poster
Mummalovex · 17/01/2018 13:27

He lives in my house and says he will refuse to leave, when he comes back today I'm going to explain he needs to leave and I've given him his ring back as I can't deal with the verbal abuse anymore.

OP posts:
saladdays66 · 17/01/2018 13:28

Absolutely leave him. Tell him to stay at his mum's. A man saying any ONE of things to me would be a dealbreaker. He's meant to be the person who loves you more than anything and puts you first. He sounds vile.

LTB, get him to pay maintenance, get on with your life. Maybe do the Freedom programme so you can set your bar higher in future relationships.

Original poster
Mummalovex · 17/01/2018 13:28

@Spadequeen I know he wouldn't harm the children and I know they are his world ( I am not sticking up for him at all), and he hasn't always been this way, but it's been the last 7 months or so...

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 17/01/2018 13:29

I am sure he can be nice . None if fall for someone who is horrible abusive all the time . Keep him at his mums and out your house . No one should be threatened like that .

saladdays66 · 17/01/2018 13:30

Lives in your house? He can't refuse to leave.

Either get a big male friend to be there when he comes round, or ring the police. Bag his stuff up for him and put it in the hall so he doesn't have to stay long.

I'd also report him to the police.

Original poster
Mummalovex · 17/01/2018 13:31

He's also going on about going to a 12 hour rave in Manchester with his friends soon, which personally I don't think that's acceptable from a father of 2, which is just my opinion. I do love him and honestly I don't know why, I think I'm waiting for changes that aren't going to happen if I'm honest

OP posts:
GetOffTheTableMabel · 17/01/2018 13:33

You do not have a ‘disrespectful’ fiancé. Please do not minimise his behaviour in this way. The man is abusing you. It is not right for you or your daughters to be in this situation. You cannot seriously contemplate marrying someone who treats you this way. Speak to Womens’ Aid and get some advice on staying safe.
Perhaps you could get the locks changed and drop his stuff off with his mum?

Fishface77 · 17/01/2018 13:33

Just change the locks and protect yourself and your kids.
You say he loves the kids and wouldn’t do it to them but I bet you thought that he wouldn’t do it to you not long ago

Starlight2345 · 17/01/2018 13:34

Get the locks changed if it is your house he has no rights

ijustwannadance · 17/01/2018 13:34

Change the locks too. Protect yourself.

If he changed 7 months ago i'd assume another woman or drugs. But he might just be a gobshite.

Original poster
Mummalovex · 17/01/2018 13:35

Also I think it's because I'm so used to him being around that I will find the hardest of him not being here anymore. I know it isn't healthy and my family has also told me too, I just feel afraid about him leaving, I am not dependant on him whatsoever, I'm independent and do everything for myself and my children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummalovex · 17/01/2018 13:36

Thank you all for your advise, really has helped, sometimes it's better coming from people who don't him or myself, I've made up my mind, thank you all.

OP posts:
Emmageddon · 17/01/2018 13:40

Get shot of him now. Let him carry on behaving like a teenager with his mates if that's the life he wants. Don't even think about allowing him back into your house. Bag up his stuff and leave it on he doorstep. Call a locksmith and get the locks changed. Phone Women's Aid for support. Tell your family what is happening and tell them what he has said to you, the threats he has made. Let your Health Visitor know. You deserve better than this, you know that.

Branleuse · 17/01/2018 13:42

what the fuck? Why arent you taking this more seriously. He keeps threatening to KILL you. WAKE UP.

DaisysStew · 17/01/2018 13:42

He threatened to slice your throat because you didn’t cook his dinner? Him staying out late is the least of your worries. Please don’t let him back in the house, he sounds unhinged and dangerous.

Original poster
Mummalovex · 17/01/2018 13:43

I am currently bagging up his stuff now, don't want the man back in my house!

OP posts:
Whatthefoxgoingon · 17/01/2018 13:48

Change the locks if you have to. Well done on getting this abusive waste of space out of your life!

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