Mums need to stick together!

[Hkeeping87]

Literally had the worse experience In Sainsbury’s Alphington today and so many mums will be able to relate, left feeling humiliated, deflated, upset and anxious! 😢
I as many mums thought after picking my VERY active 3 year old son up from nursery today I’ll kill two birds with one stone and combine the weekly food shop with the drive home as I can’t possibly make beans and cornflakes go any further! so after bribing the 3 year old with the promise of sausage rolls and yoghurts on our trip I went in determined to be in and out within 30 minutes! Of course this never happened as within seconds my 3 year old is running round the shop as he refuses to be restrained in the Seat and screams angry threats of ‘not being my best friend and how he is going to punch the whole shop’ at the top of his voice!! And if he stands in the actual trolly I have battered brown bananas and flat bread!
Anyway as you can imagine a weekly food shop after a full days work with a 3 year old Terrorising the place was beyond stressful, playing games of hide and seek whilst your grabbing things from isles you probably don’t even need Just quick enough so you don’t lose your child or run the risk of him getting ubducted and being branded the worse parent in the world! As well as running after him im abandoning my trolley before he rips the free toys off of every magazine that is just low enough to be within childs reach and us stressed mums agree to buy them as a last ditch attempt for the child to be good and behave for 30 seconds Just so we can feel like we are gaining a tiny bit of control back!

I finally reach the till, which at this point feels like the finish line of the London Marathon to start unloading my shopping. What I would have loved to hear at this point from the man who was serving would have been ‘would you like a hand packing today? after all he had has witnessed a lot of my ordeal.
Not only would I have jumped at the chance of help on this occasion but I probably would have kissed him! However I didn’t even get a ‘ hello!’
I continue loading my food as quick as I possibly can not to inconvenience anyone, the conveyer belt still not moving so I’m squashing this all on top of each other and of course in the mean time my son is off again only this time he has found the charity box, the one where you put the penny’s in and and it spins round in a circular slide. so he is coming back and forth for penny’s and of course I’m searching my pockets for 1p coins so I can keep him entertained and not hold anyone up. I am at this stage conscious that I am not the only one at the till and there are people waiting.

I’m still Packing even though now I can’t see where my son has gone and stupidly I’m justifying in my head that he will be fine and to hurry up just so that I don’t annoy anyone by taking to long. I’m panicking at this stage so much so that I have to apologise to the man Serving me because I can’t think straight as to the task in hand and I just need to make sure my son is safe and not to far from me.
Of course all is well and he is just playing in the photo booth and my continuous calling of his name that was falling on death ears was completely pointless! I finish my packing and pay my bill without so much as a thank you from the man that served me or any help from the ladies working on the shop floor that we’re just watching me struggle and could have at any stage said ‘ it’s ok I’ll keep an eye on him or ‘it’s ok I can see him, he’s only there!’

I struggled to move my £125 shop to quickly as the trolley was quite full and I was looking for my son at the same time, only to be rammed in the back of my feet by the the lady behind me!

When I turned round to see what had Just happened the lady said ‘ excuse me, excuse me!’

I in complete disbelief replied ‘ I believe the word that your looking for is sorry!!

What came out of her mouth at this point has literally still shocked me now I am in complete disbelief that people like this exist, she said...
‘ I did say excuse me a couple of times but you were just taking to long and I wanted to get this hurried up!’

I as an early pregnant, very hormonal women do not know still to this point how I did not scream blue Murder and hurl myself at her but I very calmly and somewhat emotionally said

‘ can you not see I’m struggling here, I AM LITERALLY DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN! you should be ashamed of your self and sorry’

To which she replied, well I’m not! 🤭🤭

Thank you to the man on the next till packing his shopping who said to the lady that it absolutely should have been sorry that she was saying to me and how it was obviously very unlucky that I had picked till number 13 and had her behind me today!

I don’t believe that women is a mother or has ever looked after small children and I can only imagine that was why 80% of her shopping was made up of cat food!

Is this really what things have come to, where we see mothers struggling and rather then just try and help we watch and Judge.

I know that If I was ever watching a mum struggle like that, if I was that man serving, that mum or those ladies on the shop floor watching her call her child that was out of sight but I could see him, that I would lend a hand, because it’s tough and tiring and challenging being a mum and we absolutely do not deserve to be scrutinised or frowned upon or made to feel like we are doing a terrible job.

Today I lost a little bit of faith in humanity!

I can never understand how busy stressed mums find the time or inclination to write great long stories about some wrongdoing in a supermarket, surely you have a moan at your other half and then get on being busy?

Did she really ram you with her trolley or did it just clip you as she was trying to get past having tried to say excuse me several times whilst you faffed around finding pennies in your purse and shouting at your unruly child?

Yes, I've had bad days with mine when they were little. The difference being I actively parented them and didn't allow their behaviour to continue to the detriment of everyone else.

And... There is no Mum solidarity. I don't expect better or worse from people because they've managed to have sex and produce a baby.

Exactly Burn.
It sounds like an awful trip for you but your tone is really off.

the title is really irritating. Mums need to stick together? Why, what for? To defend each others poor parenting? No thanks

Shopping with my DS ( now 7) used to be a nightmare. He was a bolter, used to scream and kick in the trolley seat and sometimes it started within minutes of arriving at the supermarket even though we went first thing after breakfast so he wasn't tired or hungry. Soon after he started school, he was diagnosed autistic which I think was largely responsible for his behaviour. For me, the turning point came when I discovered something in the supermarket that interested him and made a game out of it. For him, it was recognising numbers ( and later on letters). So he'd sit in the trolley and read out the numbers on the aisles for me and actually got quite excited about seeing the next number. We'd have to go through the aisles in numerical order even if we didn't need anything in that aisle! With your DS being preschool age, is there a way of getting him involved in the shop somehow in a way that interests him, OP? For example, " now we need milk, can you remember where we find milk". " where is the cereal that you like?" If he's on reins rather than in the trolley, you could set him the task of putting some of the unbreakable and low down items into the trolley. The secret is to keep him involved all the time with different tasks / quests. It's quite draining as you can't switch off but i found keeping him constantly involved helped a lot with supermarket behaviour.

The woman with the trolley is a dick, she just is plain and simple a dick. But it has nothing to do with her having or not having children. You are not elevated to some kind of special status by virtue of having a child.

I’m sorry it was a tough trip out for you, it’s hard shopping with toddlers. I’d have left mid-shop if mine had carried on like that because I know it would have lead to them bouncing off the walls all evening. You have the child the promise of a reward at the end of the shop what I find works best with the promise of rewards is laying out expectations and the promise of consequences for bad behaviour. So “we are going to go to the supermarket, if we have nice behaviour - which means staying close to me and no shouting - then we will have xyz nice thing. If you behave badly then you won’t have the nice thing and there will be no television/pudding/trampoline time when we get home.” If they can understand a reward, they can understand expectations and punishments.

In an ideal world we would all be keeping an eye out for one another, be they kids or adults - if we are mothers or not.
That said that’s not the world we are living in, people are in supermarkets working. They are doing their job, all jobs are generally more pressured these days, more eyes watching and in many work environments people are given timed tasks or watched via camera. Politely, isn’t their job to watch your children.
Yes if the child gets into a dangerous situation or they happen across them then fair enough but I don’t think staff should have to have their brain half centred in child care whilst working on other tasks.

The woman was an arsehole, no question.

But you make it sound like your son is this unstoppable force of nature, when you are actually meant to be in charge.

Taking a kid shopping isn't a medal-worthy activity. It's completely standard. And if my son had behaved like yours he'd have been carried out under my arm kicking and screaming.

The trick to getting a bolter back is to find something extremely interesting for them to look at. 'Hey dc, check out this!' show him a stick or or leaf. Insects are better. Took me a while to work that one out.
Sounds like you could do with some parenting lessons to learn to control your dc. I would never let mine run around.
The poster with a muddy child who wanted to slap anyone who didn't appreciate her muddy snowflake, really? Perhaps the other people sensed your slap happy urges and maybe your muddy dc looked cold and wet? I let my dc jump in muddy puddles in the summer generally. Sometimes in the winter when they are well dressed, but don't expect other people to get involved in the performance.
I think the general tone of your account comes across a bit pissy. It's got my back up.

I think I’d have wanted to ram you with my trolley too tbh. I’ve got 3 kids, they’re teenagers now but the middle one could be a nightmare shopping when he was little (same Sainsbury’s too fancy that), but if that happened I used to rugby ball him under my arm and abandon the shopping and go home. You need to either do it on your own or force him into the seat. Otherwise he’s just making a nuisance of himself. There was a similar kid in Aldi yesterday and I got the silent rage. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one. You’re the parent, so bloody parent him

My issue is with children who are not taught how to share public space wth regard for others. On a bus recently, a child havng a meltdown. I was very tolerant and was aware mum was trying to deal with it. In Aldi, with two brat children using scooters and using the aisles like a playground grrrrr!

Your child sounds badly behaved and I would judge you. However, trolley ramming is wrong

Try online shopping next time, why put yourself through such an ordeal!?

Yep. Sorry you were stressed but I also reckon it was your own doing. Why wouldnt you go to shop before picking your child up from nursery? That’s surely the benefit of a child at nursery (whilst you are not at work at least) that you can enjoy shopping again! Or at least get it done quickly.
It sounds like your son has the measure of you and runs rings around you as well- i would also be pissed off to be behind you. I might help though and I wouldn’t ram you. No excuse for that at all.

I have to say i agree with those saying you need to own this a bit.

Yes kids are hard, they get tired, they cry and they can be unpredictable. But ultimately expecting everyone in the shop to help you or alter their perception of behaviour is madness. If kids can’t behave (happens at some point to them all) they should be removed. The rest of the world doesn’t need to deal with it.

I’m afraid I would have judged. I would have accepted the kid if he was in the trolley screaming his head off yes, but running about causing such stress? No.

What a rude bitch. I feel for you OP. I don't know why people think ramming with a trolley is ok. If they were annoyed at you in another context away from a supermarket and having a trolley to protect them they'd never randomly shove or hurt you. I'd h

Posted too soon! I'd have gone even slower to piss her off more!

I wouldnt have judged your dss behaviour, but if your account of the the trip is accurate, I would certainly have judged your parenting. I would never ran you with a trolley, but if I wasn't having a great day and you were holding me up in the queue, I wouldn't have been able to summon up the smile and sympathy you feel you were entitled to. On a good day, I would have either managed that smile or looked into the distance politely. I would still have been judging v hard though.

The tone of your post is odd. Most people would have recognised that they made a mistake ( bringing your DC to the supermarket when really tired) and reflected on that. You took no responsibility for his behaviour in the supermarket and you are taking no responsibility for your parenting decisions now.

If she actually did ram you with her trolley rather than accidentally clipping you as she moved forwards, then she was of course in the wrong, but the rest of your blog extraordinarily long opening post made me .
Why anyone would think it OK to take a challenging child for a huge shop when they'd just collected them from Nursery I don't know (and yes, I was working 60 hour weeks when I had dc1, and yes, he was a pretty...er... 'lively' child, and no, I'm not a perfect parent) . However, there is no way I'd let him behave like that in the supermarket. You are the parent, you need to either strap him in to the trolley or put him in reins if you are taking him out in public without being able to control him. It isn't anyone else's responsibility but yours. Yes I'm sure most parents have had a rubbish time in the supermarket at one point or another, but all the detail you've put in about you not being willing to actually step up and parent him loses you any sympathy here.

I would absolutely WANT to ram you with my trolley so can understand her wanting to do that. Completely unreasonable to actually do it though so yeah, she was in the wrong if she rammed you on purpose.

The rest? Nah, I'm probably not going to 'stick together' with someone who willfully inflicts that situation on others simply because she can. I don't allow that behaviour from my children so I"m not exactly going to indulge it in yours.

Actually fam no, my children have never ripped magazines up or threatened to punch anyone

Neither have mine, but I can empathise with a day going horribly wrong and feeling overwhelmed. That’s why I posted in support of OP, because I felt for her.

weepingangel the queue would have been a hellava lot worse with out the checkout assistant helping in this way. Besides there was no queue to start, it grew behind us. And when i say queue. Maybe 2 people despite the crap ton of self service checkouts

Probably BECAUSE of the cuteness of a 2year scanning the shopping. And she did a good job btw. Every single person had a wee smile on their faces.

I'd much rather a checkout assistant who recognises someone needs a hand than not. Because if they are willing to help a stressed mum with a small child they are more likely to help an older person struggling as well.

I wonder if the person who rammed op would have rammed an older frail person struggling with their trolley? Or Is that acceptable too?

The toddler being a handful is an utter red herring. It is unacceptable to ram anyone regardless of the situation.

Kindness and tolerance.
Peace out