Mums need to stick together!

[Hkeeping87]

Literally had the worse experience In Sainsbury’s Alphington today and so many mums will be able to relate, left feeling humiliated, deflated, upset and anxious! 😢
I as many mums thought after picking my VERY active 3 year old son up from nursery today I’ll kill two birds with one stone and combine the weekly food shop with the drive home as I can’t possibly make beans and cornflakes go any further! so after bribing the 3 year old with the promise of sausage rolls and yoghurts on our trip I went in determined to be in and out within 30 minutes! Of course this never happened as within seconds my 3 year old is running round the shop as he refuses to be restrained in the Seat and screams angry threats of ‘not being my best friend and how he is going to punch the whole shop’ at the top of his voice!! And if he stands in the actual trolly I have battered brown bananas and flat bread!
Anyway as you can imagine a weekly food shop after a full days work with a 3 year old Terrorising the place was beyond stressful, playing games of hide and seek whilst your grabbing things from isles you probably don’t even need Just quick enough so you don’t lose your child or run the risk of him getting ubducted and being branded the worse parent in the world! As well as running after him im abandoning my trolley before he rips the free toys off of every magazine that is just low enough to be within childs reach and us stressed mums agree to buy them as a last ditch attempt for the child to be good and behave for 30 seconds Just so we can feel like we are gaining a tiny bit of control back!

I finally reach the till, which at this point feels like the finish line of the London Marathon to start unloading my shopping. What I would have loved to hear at this point from the man who was serving would have been ‘would you like a hand packing today? after all he had has witnessed a lot of my ordeal.
Not only would I have jumped at the chance of help on this occasion but I probably would have kissed him! However I didn’t even get a ‘ hello!’
I continue loading my food as quick as I possibly can not to inconvenience anyone, the conveyer belt still not moving so I’m squashing this all on top of each other and of course in the mean time my son is off again only this time he has found the charity box, the one where you put the penny’s in and and it spins round in a circular slide. so he is coming back and forth for penny’s and of course I’m searching my pockets for 1p coins so I can keep him entertained and not hold anyone up. I am at this stage conscious that I am not the only one at the till and there are people waiting.

I’m still Packing even though now I can’t see where my son has gone and stupidly I’m justifying in my head that he will be fine and to hurry up just so that I don’t annoy anyone by taking to long. I’m panicking at this stage so much so that I have to apologise to the man Serving me because I can’t think straight as to the task in hand and I just need to make sure my son is safe and not to far from me.
Of course all is well and he is just playing in the photo booth and my continuous calling of his name that was falling on death ears was completely pointless! I finish my packing and pay my bill without so much as a thank you from the man that served me or any help from the ladies working on the shop floor that we’re just watching me struggle and could have at any stage said ‘ it’s ok I’ll keep an eye on him or ‘it’s ok I can see him, he’s only there!’

I struggled to move my £125 shop to quickly as the trolley was quite full and I was looking for my son at the same time, only to be rammed in the back of my feet by the the lady behind me!

When I turned round to see what had Just happened the lady said ‘ excuse me, excuse me!’

I in complete disbelief replied ‘ I believe the word that your looking for is sorry!!

What came out of her mouth at this point has literally still shocked me now I am in complete disbelief that people like this exist, she said...
‘ I did say excuse me a couple of times but you were just taking to long and I wanted to get this hurried up!’

I as an early pregnant, very hormonal women do not know still to this point how I did not scream blue Murder and hurl myself at her but I very calmly and somewhat emotionally said

‘ can you not see I’m struggling here, I AM LITERALLY DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN! you should be ashamed of your self and sorry’

To which she replied, well I’m not! 🤭🤭

Thank you to the man on the next till packing his shopping who said to the lady that it absolutely should have been sorry that she was saying to me and how it was obviously very unlucky that I had picked till number 13 and had her behind me today!

I don’t believe that women is a mother or has ever looked after small children and I can only imagine that was why 80% of her shopping was made up of cat food!

Is this really what things have come to, where we see mothers struggling and rather then just try and help we watch and Judge.

I know that If I was ever watching a mum struggle like that, if I was that man serving, that mum or those ladies on the shop floor watching her call her child that was out of sight but I could see him, that I would lend a hand, because it’s tough and tiring and challenging being a mum and we absolutely do not deserve to be scrutinised or frowned upon or made to feel like we are doing a terrible job.

Today I lost a little bit of faith in humanity!

Posters have been really kind to you, OP. Unusually kind. Well done, vipers.

It was a shit day. Bad decisions were made. Trolley-barging woman was rude & out of order. Staff are not responsible for your child. Online options are available, and £125 “big” shop is inadvisable at best with a 3-year-old, insane at worse post-nursery. Being far enough away to “rip off free toys” from magazines is not good news - why were you even down that aisle on a food shop? Ditto out of sight at the checkout. Hold the trolley or no yoghurts or sausage rolls, we leave. And mean it.

Sorry your day was shit. But you need to own your bad decisions too & work out how to avoid those triggers next time.

My DC were all assholes in the supermarket. Leave them behind & get shopping or take them & end up leaving the shopping behind. It’s do or die

Thank you to the mums that have had that bad day and if I ever see you struggle I promise to help If i can as parenting isn’t easy and we can’t always get it right or be perfect parents. To the ladies, women, mothers who still decided to judge me or my sons behaviour this posts subject line was so ironic! Thank you to everyone for there advice. Online shopping is normally the way I go however bordering a 60 hour work week stopped me from being that organised and I couldn’t wait. Judge away as you will.
Love to all xx

You need reins. Then he never gets less than one metre away, and you can strap him into the trolley seat.
Mine was a bolter, and the reins were the only way to manage anything.

I work for Sainsbury's and I have half an ear (what even does that mean?) out for any sort of child/baby related commotion. I peer around the aisle to figure out if I'm needed or not. Sometimes I sidle over with a smile and ask the adult if they are ok/can I help/do you want me to pack? On occasion I've had a child thrust at me as sometimes it's more enticing as a parent to pack the shopping and have a minute to yourself!
Next time ask the staff member for someone to help with your packing. I'm afraid I will be wrestling my two year old into the seat for any big shops for a long while yet. Just this week I had to fling my big trolley to the side and leg it after him as he headed for the travellator! An older lady had rescued my £1 trolley, smiled at me and said 'they are like the wind at that age!' I was expecting a tut and eye roll so it was nice to have a little conversation instead.

All the preamble with your son doesn't matter. Nobody should be ramming trollies into people, no matter how much they are faffing or whether they've said excuse me and you didn't hear. I can't imagine where she was going straight from sainsburys that was so time sensitive she would consider ramming a trolley into the back of you rather than waiting 2 seconds. That would be true even if your 3 year old was an angel sat quietly in his seat.

I just remember this one. A few years back I was going trough the self scan when I heard a tiny baby cry the type that makes your ovaries ache
I finished paying and looked over to see a lady struggling with twin babies, one of whom was hysterical, and her shopping.
I dumped my bags with the assistant on the self scan and went over. Poor woman was almost in tears. The lady on the till was helping pack but it had all got a bit much.
I asked if I could help and packed her bags for her whilst she cuddled her baby. The shopping wouldn't all go back into one trolley so I asked for another trolley and filled that one. Once she had paid I helped her to her car and waited until everything was in the car. Then I took her trolleys back so she could get home.
Took ten minutes tops but hopefully helped her out and made me feel good.

Wow. If my 3 year old behaved like that in supermarkets then I would be shopping online. The woman does sound like a total bellend though.

She literally hit you with her trolly? On purpose? Firstly what a cow! Secondly is that not assault? If she'd kicked you or slapped you you'd be calling the police! It doesn't matter how long you're waiting in a queue, there's no excuse for behaviour like that. You have my sympathy op, it sounds like a proper nightmare and you didn't deserve her behaviour.

😂😂

The lady with the trolley sounds like a nightmare but unfortunately your child is your responsibility and I wouldn't expect anyone to help me out in these circumstances.
I would do the big shop with a 4, 2 & newborn. Wed stop half way round in the cafe for a treat and to break up the visit. Two in seats and the other one would be the helper. My two oldest children have ASD so it's about getting them used to the environment from early on and providing clear boundaries.
TBH I'd be more offended if someone offered to help as it would insinuate that I couldn't cope with my own offspring.
My shops are very noisy and sometimes involves someone spinning but even now aged 10, 8 (he is severely disabled so still in trolley and very vocal) & 6 we can manage a trip around the supermarket.
Take him more often for shorter bursts and then work up to a longer shop. Remind don't touch ...unless mummy asks you to!!!
Good luck for the next shop!!!

I had sympathy until your 'she obviously has no children and lots of cats' comment.

My 3yo is fairly wild and I just avoid taking him to the supermarket. Getting organised and doing it online is essential!

Occasionally I have to pop in to the actual shop for milk/fruit/bread, I take the baby in the pram and insist 3yo stays on the buggy board. I have a wrist strap in my bag and the first sign of bad behaviour and running off and he gets strapped to the pram handle so he can't get off the board!

Lots of praise and bribery helps too

I'd be a little concerned if my 3 year old behaved as you described, is threatening to punch someone normal for him?

Obviously ramming someone with a trolley is never acceptable and the woman doesn't sound very nice but tbh I'd have judged you with all the shouting and lack of control.

£125 for a weekly shop? How many DC do you have?

I was irritated with you but when I got to the cat food comment lost any shred of sympathy I had.
Control your brat in future.

I avoid supermarkets at all costs!! But if I have to go in the staff must think i'm a complete loony. I take my feral child and the trolley to find a little spot where I can wedge the trolley in whilst I force my screeching animal into the seat!!! That or I take him in the buggy.
Letting him roam around is completely impossible, so I feel your pain!

We have reins, sadly the little terror just lays down!!

Can you stop with all the 'us mums' stuff? It's rude and excluding and makes you sound like you think all women are helpless to the terrors of their children. Actually, just don't expect other people (strangers in a supermarket) to parent your child and bend over backwards to make your life easier.

I have great sympathy for you and the only reason that makes me hesitate from helping women with children is the numerous threads on here from people complaining about 'old' women interfering. I do still try and help but I tend to go through a complicated process in my head of deciding whether or not they are going to be offended by my offer and get home and start a thread on mumsnet.

Slow clap for all the geniuses saying online shopping. You're awesome. Well done. Back in the real world sometimes you just don't get to it and you need to go in a shop. And yes, toddlers are a bloody disaster in supermarkets, I've been there, twice. Awful awful awful. I do think when the lady used excuse me it was another way of saying sorry though and by then acting indignant and asking for the word sorry you got her back up. Agree though that a hand with the bags is not too much to ask and a lot of check out assistants are bloody lazy in this regard

Op I’ve found myself a sobbing mess in a supermarket before now with my toddlers. So lots of solidarity here I do it online now purely so I can dodge that awful feeling and judgy twats.

And yes, Mums do need to stick together. We’ve enough people tearing us down without doing it do each other too!

You need to control your child better.

Yes ramming the trolley into you was rude.

The £125 shop could of waited you could of grabbed a few bits and left if your child is threatening to punch people.

You are lovely!!!!

Some of the response on here are some kids are just different!

Wow, that was long. My children never behaved like that in a supermarket. I think you need to get control of your child. In the trolley seat, on reins, encouraging him to help with the shopping. How will you cope with two children?! If you want help with packing , just ask the cashier to help.

Dc1 would never have behaved like that in a supermarket
Dc2 totally would, hence never doing a big shop with him