Dilemma - wedding and/or reception

[AmaraSas]

My youngest brother is getting Married in May.

Received the invitations ... yes plural

1. just for me for the wedding
2. for the reception an hour later for both me and my son (a minor)

Now i completely understand why children may not be wanted at the wedding so I am not disputing the arrangement

But anyone got any ideas how I can sort it so I can go to the wedding but get us both at the reception

We live 2 hours away so nipping home is not an option
All potential childcare from family in the area will be at the wedding
The only other children in the family are part of the bridal party so there is no option of leaving all the children in one place for them to descend on the reception later
I asked my ex-oh if he could bring his son to the reception only to be told a resounding no ... i dont blame him its a bit of a trek to be fair.

Dont really want to leave my son in a car for an hour but that at the moment seems the only choice, that and/or just going to the reception but I know thats going to put noses out of joint.

How old is your son? Surely if he is an older child you can be sensible your brother could make an exception?
I don't really understand no children but can see why some wouldn't want things disrupted. But an older child, alone, is unlikely to disrupt the way a toddler might.

I'd speak to your brother and see what he suggests.

What a bonkers idea a wedding invitation.
How old is your little one?

I’d be saying - sorry I’m shampooing my cushion covers that day and not bother. How are the children who are attending related to your brother.

So bridal party dc OK but not a nephew? Is your db a groomzilla?

My son is rising 11 but has ADHD/ASD so not only is there a risk of noise and disruption despite his best efforts... and he will try hard bless him, its not easy to find childcare to cover.

But you can leave hime somewhere with an ipad and he will be as good as gold, his ipad his is obsession. I dont think his Dad will like it but at the moment it seems the only feasible option.

To be honest I dont think this stems from my brother more his matriach girlfriend who puts the fear of God into me who I find a little bit difficult to approach and have a reasonable discussion with

Nobody can legally be excluded from the ceremony. It has to be open to the public, so just take your son with you.

@Unnoticed the other dc's are my other brothers beautiful little family... i know i know, i can manage the discrepancy

Ooo thanks @TittyGolightly that may be an option ... may mean no positive relationship with my future SIL as a result ... but this may not be a bad thing

Is there anywhere at the wedding venue where he could sit just outside the main room with his iPad? You could sit at the back to keep an eye on him?

@Beetlebum1981 they are getting married in a church, the reception is in a village hall a mile and a half away, but i think there are porch benches in this church.... if i sit at the back and grab him as the bride and groom leave 🤔

Go to the party. The actually wedding is pretty boring, just the signing of a contract and then being herded around by a shouty photographer.

Could you pay someone to sit with him at the reception venue until you get there? Is there a friend or someone who knows him well enough to be happy to just supervise?

Other option is will his dad have him for the whole day and you don't take him to the reception.

Or as others have said, you miss the ceremony as well.

Oh and they can't decide who is and isn't allowed into a church wedding. It's opened to the public and they may well find many of the older members of the congregation will just turn up anyway...

However, bringing him because you can, while knowing your SIL-to-be doesn't want him there, will make you the bad guy. explain to your mum, would she not have words with your DB along the lines of "you can't pick which ones if your DNs you class as family".

I’d be shampooing cushion covers that day too. Child free is all well and good but if it means your own sister will struggle to make it to your wedding then that’s more than silly.

Personally I wouldn't be able to get past the fact that they have chosen to exclude their DN while including your sibling's children.
Given that you say there are no other family children this is clearly both personal and deliberately insulting.

I think I’d just decline the wedding ceremony and go along to the party with DS.

I agree she can't choose who's in church it's s public place. Ridiculous!! Take him and have done with it.

I think it’s pretty awful of them not to invite your DS, especially if you other brothers DCs are invited. A face to face discussion to at least discuss thier concerns should have been the minimum.

I wouldn't go somewhere where my DC were not wanted
A general child free rule is fine, but deliberately excluding just one nephew is not ok.

they are getting married in a church

The church ceremony is a public event. You don’t need an invitation at all.

Provided the sound is off or he has headphones, can’t you sit at the back of the church with him occupied by his iPad?

At best, i would therefore only go to the reception.
If there is a chance that ds might make a noisy fuss and ruin the ceremony it seems a fair compromise.

Fuck that.

I can't imagine my brother making those demands of me, and neither would I do it to him.

I wouldn't go at all.

Just go to the reception.

Just rsvp yes to the reception and no to the ceremony due to childcare issues. Or ask them for suggestions re local babysitting. They've put you in a difficult position.