Children at a wedding - WWYD

[Beachballsforme]

Feel like this has probably been done to death but wanted to get some opinions on this particular situation....

Close friend getting married in May. Friends since childhood. She was one of my bridesmaids at our destination wedding (we paid for everything except flights - including food/accommodation etc for almost a week. Important to give context I think!) This was in our 20s, now we are all mid-30s and most of our group have kids. I have one DC, 18 months and am currently pregnant, will be 35 weeks at the time of her wedding.
We live 300 miles from wedding venue. We have no family locally or near this area that can look after our DS, and I’ve just been told there are no children allowed at the wedding. I have no family and most of our friends are at the wedding!

WWYD? Friend is suggesting I firstly go to my in laws (200 miles in opposite direction) drop off my DS and then go to her wedding. My DS has never stayed there (or away from us overnight - it’s just not usually an option for us), will be hundreds of miles away from us and I will be very heavily pregnant and not near my usual hospital/midwives etc. DH is not keen on this plan to say the least!

Any tips? Advice? Suggestions?! I don’t want to let anyone down but feeling like my family needs to take priority here...

I wouldn't go OP.

Baby sitter at hotel

Only solution

You and dh can pop in and out as necessary.

You could do ceremony alone if that bit was awkward?

you aren't obliged to go. just regretfully decline.

Baby sitter at hotel is the best option if you really want to go, but I think your friend is being unreasonable and I'd be tempted to bow out at 35 weeks pregnant.

I'm getting married later this year, destination wedding and while we've said no children except our nieces/nephews, we don't have any, most of our friends are actually excited to leave the little ones for a weekend and have a grown up break, we've also said if it's the difference between you coming and not coming, bring them with you, just make sure we know so we can cater appropriately!

Good luck in your decision, have a great time either way!

Do you want to go, given the T&Cs? If it is a good friend then she should understand if you don't go because of childcare issues.
If the reception is in a hotel you might be able to organise watching the kids in a room with other parents on a rota. And use DC as an excuse to leave early and go to bed if you are tired
The inlaws suggestion is ridiculous though. A 1000 mile round trip for a wedding, in the car, with a toddler for a substantial part of it? No thanks!

I'd decline. I have 11, 8 and 5 year olds and have never used a babysitter other than my DPs or DPILs. I'm just not okay with paid sitters. I don't know them. I'm not overprotective but just feel weird about having someone sitting in my house while I'm out.

I also can't imagine my husband would be very happy driving 300 miles to sit in a hotel room with our DC and then drive 300 miles back the following day, just to be polite. It's a huge waste of time and money.
300 miles is too far to go alone at 35 weeks In my view.

If your friend falls out with you one day she will realise how ridiculous she was being if she has children of her own.

Thank you. Hotel babysitter would be a consideration usually but the wedding isn’t at the guest hotel - it’s a half hour drive away in an outdoor venue/marquee and guests will just go to the hotel (think industrial estate travelodge) at night when wedding is done - sorry to drip feed. It’s a logistical nightmare TBH but she is a very good friend and I respect her wishes to get married in this way. Think realistically it’s probably too much with the pregnancy - I’ve ducked out of being a bridesmaid because of this already so I’m sure it won’t be a huge shock if I don’t go.

Does your DH have to go all the way the with the toddler just to babysit? Couldn't they stay home? Is there anyone else you could travel down with?

Honestly it would completely reasonable not to go. It's terrible timing for you at 35 weeks, if nothing else!

Decline politely. It just isn't going to work for you. If she's a good friend she'll understand. If she isn't then her loss.

I just wouldn’t go that far at 35 weeks if my first baby was early. Although actually my own DC1 was born at 37w and DC2 didn’t bestir herself until 41+6

Now you've said about the venue and hotel being separate, definitely don't go. I know it's the couple's choice, but frankly their choices sound like a pain in the arse for their guests, and particularly so for you.

outdoor venue/marquee With portaloos? Nah. Even with the poshest portaloos you'll be traisping across a field to use the loo every 45 minutes. And that's without needing to stop every hour on the massive unnecessary journey so you can get comfortable. And then sleeping somewhere without your 3 billion pillows to get comfy and trying not to go into labour. Even if you didn't already have a toddler to rehome, it's just too much.

Oh, given your update about the venue and hotel being separate, I wouldn't even attempt it. Sounds horrendous, even when not heavily pregnant!! I'd gently explain that it's not going to work for you, but try and arrange a nice weekend after the wedding and baby that you can look at the photos together and celebrate both of your big days.

If most of the group have kids, might there be others in the same position that you could share a babysitter with, or rotate looking after the kids in the hotel?

Veganlan - this ^ exactly! I hadn’t even though of these things!

Yes, doubt there’d be a phone signal too. Totally wouldn’t go.