Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

In laws!! Am I being unreasonable??

48 replies

Jod07 · 29/12/2017 09:45

My brother in law works for a skilled tradesman and is self taught in plastering. Recently we have had a burst pipe and it’s left us having to redecorate a room. I asked my husband to contact his brother to ask if he could plaster our bedroom walls. Being naive I kind of expected him to do it for maybe the cost of materials and like £50 labor 😬 he replied saying he would do it for £150!!! Now he knows we are not rolling in it by any means and with it just being Christmas are obviously struggling a little. The thing is I babysit their child at least once a week for at least 8 hours at a time. We also gifted them our car when we were getting a new one as they couldn’t afford one at the time. I feel like the next time they ask me to babysit I’ll be asking for my hourly rate! (I am a childcare practitioner) 😂 am I being unreasonable I feel like we do everything for people and get nothing in return!.... advice would be great

OP posts:

Nightmanagerfan · 29/12/2017 09:46

Materials for plastering are expensive. I paid £300 for plastering one room. Are you sure £150 isn’t discounted already? Also I think it’s well within your family members’ rights to charge for his time. Maybe you should do the same?

ItsChristmoose · 29/12/2017 09:48

I don't think you can expect mates rates but considering the childcare you do, he's a bit of a jerk to ask for so much!

I'd go back to him and say 'oh, I'm sorry but I guess I assumed you would give us a better price as I give you childcare for free weekly. That's actually worth £X per week just so you know. But thanks anyway for the quote, I think we'll leave it this time'.

Original poster

Jod07 · 29/12/2017 09:49

I contacted a few qualified plasterers for a quote and was quoted £200 so I suppose it’s discounts by £50 but he isn’t qualified. Maybe I’m just more of a pushover.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

PurpleDaisies · 29/12/2017 09:49

£150 is really cheap. That probably is materials and £50 labour. We paid £500 for our last room to be plastered. I think you’re out of order here.

PurpleWithRed · 29/12/2017 09:50

Get a competitive quote and judge then - it may already be cheap for your area. If not then go with someone else. If the babysitting is putting you out then just say no.

PurpleDaisies · 29/12/2017 09:50

If you’re feeling resentful about the free childcare, that’s another issue to sort out separately.

Gizlotsmum · 29/12/2017 09:51

Get some quotes to compare and see how much of a discount you are getting. I don’t think you can expect him to do it for materials only just because you baby sit for free. That was your choice.

Maybe be a bit less available for free baby sitting going forwards if it isn’t a discounted rate

Fattymcfaterson · 29/12/2017 09:51

Also you realise that by doing this job he is losing out on his actual days pay. My DH is a tradesperson and if he did mates rates for everyone that asked then we'd make no money!

MsHomeSlice · 29/12/2017 09:52

he sounds a bit cheeky tbh..if you are doing plenty of stuff for them then a return favour should be the least he could do

Still at least you know he is a taker, so you can reduce the amount of time you give to them if that is how he feels.

Original poster

Jod07 · 29/12/2017 09:54

Thanks everyone lol maybe I am being unreasonable. I don’t resent the childcare because I like to see my nephew. I suppose I just assumed he would take everything we have done for him when he has been struggling into consideration and return the favour I suppose...

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 29/12/2017 09:56

Based on how much we paid I think £150 is the discounted rate...

Original poster

Jod07 · 29/12/2017 09:58

Also he wouldn’t be loosing out on a days wage as it’s a small room and he doesn’t get work everyday for the tradesman he works for so it wouldn’t be him loosing out at all it would be a bit extra. I think I’ll definitley be less willing to jump and help them in future.

OP posts:

Frouby · 29/12/2017 10:03

I would expect the same OP given you have your nephew every week for free.

I would work out how much the plaster costs (b and q might have an online calculator) and then work out how much he is charging you in labour. If it is anything given you work a day for free a week for them I would be reconsiding that arrangement.

I would maybe say with the cost of redoing the room you need to do extra work yourself to pay for it so you will be doing overtime or working for someone else over January and February.

It might be petty or spiteful but it's spiteful for him to charge for his time when he takes so much of yours for free.

My dp is a tradesman and my brother is a plasterer. Neither charge family for odd jobs. Obviously neither can afford to work for free so we all trade services between us. So brother did some plastering for dsis and she had dniece a few nights so brother and sil could go out. Dp helped hang some doors for another dsis, her dp helped us move house with his van.

Bil is a cheeky fucker.

Pluckedpencil · 29/12/2017 10:08

Ask the person who gave you the 200 quote roughly how much is materials. I would not expect to be charged labour when you provide weekly free child care. That is a fucking piss take and utterly insulting and degrading if what you do for them. And I'd rather pay fifty extra for an experienced tradesman and let him know that's what you paid!!! And from then on the free childcare ends.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 29/12/2017 10:12

You gave him a free car and you babysit for free for 8 hours every week. He should only be charging for materials and not for labour.
If the £150 is the cost of materials then fair enough (I don't know if he has access to trade suppliers, which may be cheaper than places like b&q), but he really shouldn't make money from you under the circumstances.
I would certainly be withdrawing my unpaid labour if he was and no more freebie gifts.

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2017 10:17

I also think 150 is very cheap and am surprised you're getting quoted 200. It may be a small room but I'm assuming it's big enough for a double bed so it's not a small job.

Fattymcfaterson · 29/12/2017 10:20

Just found this on "which"
Might help you

Littlelambpeep · 29/12/2017 10:22

Cut back on the free child care or start asking for a daily fee. Really awful of him.

Original poster

Jod07 · 29/12/2017 10:34

Thanks everyone I can definitley see both sides, if it genuinely is costing him that for materials then that’s fine but I highly doubt it as he’s boasted before about how ‘cheap’ materials are and how so much quantity lasts him a few jobs... I don’t feel that my time is any less important than his and I bend over backwards to help them out with childcare when I have my own job and family. I do feel like hiring the professional plasterer for £210 rather than paying him that (I am so stubborn) but I don’t think I could deal with the confrontation afterwards

OP posts:

paniconthestreetsofdreams · 29/12/2017 10:35

AIBU?
Yes op you are.
I don't think I am. I'm going to punish the guy doing me a favour.
.

Original poster

Jod07 · 29/12/2017 10:39

paniconthestreetsofdreams - what??

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2017 10:46

Definitely hire the professional. And dial back the favours. Some people are takers and grow to feel entitled to other people’s time and effort while they think themselves above reciprocating. Even if the materials are £150 he should do the work for free as you don’t take any payment for childcare. It’s either a family relationship with give and take or it’s not. What does your DH want to do?

You can have a great relationship with your nephew by taking him out for an hour or two, when it actually suits you. It shouldn’t be reliant on 8 hours at a time when they happen to need babysitting.

paniconthestreetsofdreams · 29/12/2017 10:50

You asked if you were being unreasonable and people suggested that yes, you likely were.

You clearly disagree and are contemplating withdrawing your offer of childcare.

Unless I've read this incorrectly.

Original poster

Jod07 · 29/12/2017 10:56

paniconthestreetsofdreams - no I am not contemplating withdrawing ALL childcare as I love to see my nephew just not multiplie times a week some weeks at the drop of a hat and ranging from 8am - anything till 6pm most times. I am open to opinions that is why I posted as I have mixed feelings towards the situation.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jod07 · 29/12/2017 10:59

Thanks guys! My husband is so laid back and doesnt let things like this effect him. His immediate reaction was to try and get more overtime at work to pay for it. It just shows you some people are so kind where as others are in it for as much as they can get

OP posts:

Flip

1 2