In laws!! Am I being unreasonable??

[Jod07]

My brother in law works for a skilled tradesman and is self taught in plastering. Recently we have had a burst pipe and it’s left us having to redecorate a room. I asked my husband to contact his brother to ask if he could plaster our bedroom walls. Being naive I kind of expected him to do it for maybe the cost of materials and like £50 labor 😬 he replied saying he would do it for £150!!! Now he knows we are not rolling in it by any means and with it just being Christmas are obviously struggling a little. The thing is I babysit their child at least once a week for at least 8 hours at a time. We also gifted them our car when we were getting a new one as they couldn’t afford one at the time. I feel like the next time they ask me to babysit I’ll be asking for my hourly rate! (I am a childcare practitioner) 😂 am I being unreasonable I feel like we do everything for people and get nothing in return!.... advice would be great

Outrageous to charge you anything since you're giving them 32 hours free childcare a month.

I would be withdrawing my services since the favour is never going to be either appreciated or reciprocated.

Cheeky fucker.

I can't believe people are saying otherwise OP.. you're being taken for a fool

No I don’t think you are and I don’t think he should charge you at all. If he already has the materials. You give him free childcare and gave him a car. Pay for the professional

I too think that YANBU. If a qualified professional is able to do it for just £50 more, then BIL isn't even giving you mates rates, just what he would realistically be able to charge anyone else.

As you gave them a car and do roughly 32 hours free childcare a week they have saved a lot of money using you and therefore should be doing this favour for free, including the materials costs to repay you back something for all your generosity!

Personally I would go with the professional. If anything the extra £50 will mean that the work is or should be guaranteed and the plasterer is fully insured in case of any damage caused by him doing the job however unlikely that may be.

Apologies, 32 hours of childcare a MONTH.

I'd stop with the free childcare too.
You gave them a car for free! And are saving them thousands upon thousands in childcare!

Thank for all your replies I’m glad others see my point and I’m not crazy for thinking he is taking the piss! Yeah we literally help them at any point they both work and reply on other people to watch their son whilst they are at work and this has been since he was 2 months old! I thought I was due a little favor in return!

The childcare/car and the plastering are absolutely the same issue. Family men bets using their time, skills and resources to help each other out and support each other. OP and her DH are doing this and BIL is not. Was the car worth more to them than £150? I assume you could have sold it if you hadn’t given it to them. It wouldn’t be fair to expect endless thanks and favours in return but it sounds like a free bit of work would be the first offer and even that hasn’t transpired.

It’s not OP being difficult or unreasonable. BIL had a good opportunity to help his brother and SIL out and has decided to be a prize twat about it.

I have just had another quote from my neighbors son who is fully qualified and he has quoted £160! So possibly £10 discount from my BIL

get another quote or two for a start. yes what @ItsChristmoose said.

Neighbours son gets the job!

Yes the car was worth at least £1000.. he had it for over a year and then took it to the scrap yard and made some money back on it... I got a box of chocolates as a thanks (which was fine at the time as I was happy to help) but now he is on his feet and could easily afford to help us out in our time of need... I am willing to pay him I just didn’t expect it to be nearly the same as a fully qualified professional for ‘mates rates’

Or should I say I was willing to pay him maybe £100 max

I’d go with someone else. Time to stop mixing business and family.

I don't understand why you'd expect to pay him anything. You've provided £thousands worth of childcare and a free car.

He has a chance to do the smallest of favours back and wants to charge you.

Please don't accept this shoddy treatment or you're just a walkover OP

I think I’m going to have to just tell him to leave it and if he asks why I’ll explain I can’t afford it just now but when I can I’ll be getting someone qualified... I just wish I hadn’t asked him in the first place lol

It's a difficult one......

My OH is a tradesman (not a plasterer) and if someone who had done a lot of favours for us (ie free childcare!) asked him to do a smallish job like that he probably wouldn't take anything from them, and would maybe just charge a contribution to materials...

That said, I think he would at least expect them to offer to pay so that he could say "no don't worry it's on me for doing X for us", if they were just expected it for free he'd probably think think they were being a CF?!

At this stage you don't know if the £150 is just materials (as others have said plastering materials really aren't cheap) so I think I would casually BIL "ooh I was expecting more, is that just materials?" at least then you'll have more of an idea of whether he is just charging materials or being a proper CF and taking a wage (seriously, when you provide free childcare??!!!)

So are you going to continue having the piss taken out of you wrt the childcare, now that you know where you stand with him, or are you going to put a stop to it and tell them why?

Erma, would you really think they were being a cf for expecting a small favour for free, if thry had given you a car and free childcare on demand? Or would you just think that helping each other out is something that your family can reasonably expect and take for granted from each other? My family works the latter way - we all just pitch in as needed. No one eould charge for babysitting or looking after each other's pets or doing diy.

No the babysitting on demand is stopping for definite, I will have my nephew on days and times that suit me from now on if I am busy I will be saying no instead of accomodating them to help. I am not having my own kindness being taken for granted and left feeling like this! My MIL called my husband today to ask why he hadn’t answered his brother after he txt us the quote, my husband explained the cost situation and we were discussing if we could afford it before we got back to him and she said my BIL had told her it costs just under £50 for materials so he is making £100 profit straight away... she seemed to think this was fine as he said he usually charges £300 profit!! Which I think is terrible as he isn’t even fully qualified or insured! As people have said above he obviously thinks his time is more precious than ours and in future I will be more cautious to offer my time and money to “family”

I'm glad you are going to put a stop to all this. They clearly don't appreciate you and take all your help for granted. I think it's awful that he would make money from you after all you have done for them.
It's horrible to realise that people you care for don't feel the same way about you and are just 'takers' in life.
I think I'd have to say something to him, so they make the connection between their behaviour and your own withdrawing of free help.

I would tell him I'd had a better quote from a qualified neighbour to show him what an absolute dick he'd been.

All that free childcare which must have been so helpful to them. Just to make a quick buck out of his own brother