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Original poster

Friend is postpartum & very ill

41 replies

Melbabes6 · 19/07/2017 06:40

Unsure if this is the right place...
My friend had an emergency cesarean on Sat night. She was sent home at midnight on Mon. By the morning her husband had to call for an ambulance as she was in so much pain, then passed out and started convulsing.
She's still in hospital, husband and baby with her. She has a blood clot and severe poo blockage which they can't move.
Her husband has called me several times upset and desperate, trying to deal with a newborn (first time parents) and be there for his wife.
I just want to help but I don't know how....what can I do?!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 19/07/2017 06:43

Oh no!
Can you offer to help with the baby, is that practical?

AnguaResurgam · 19/07/2017 06:44

Can you go and help with the baby?

He wants to be at her bedside, and that might not be the best place for a newborn 24/7

user1492287253 · 19/07/2017 06:44

is there any practical help they need that you can offer?

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StealthPolarBear · 19/07/2017 06:44

Although the baby does need to be with him as much as possible, maybe you could help with everything else?
Does he know about cartons of formula? Suspect that would take a bif burden off for now

sandgrown · 19/07/2017 06:45

Can you visit and help with baby. Offer to do any thing else the husband asks such as contacting people or buying things he needs. Are there no grandparents or siblings to support them ?
Could you sit with your friend while her husband tries to rest. I hope your friend improves soon.

bigchris · 19/07/2017 06:45

Yes go and take the baby for a walk round the hospital to give him a break

Rhubarbtart9 · 19/07/2017 06:49

Go in and give him a break. Take the little one for a few hours daily if you can. Or do an over nighter. Or sit with his wife and baby while he gets a few hours. But mostly listen.

bigchris · 19/07/2017 06:51

I feel a bit sad that he's already called you a few times , have you been in to see them?

Original poster
Melbabes6 · 19/07/2017 08:19

Her family are all in Poland so they are unable to help at the moment. His dad is very poorly and needs 100% care from his mum so she can't help.
He's called several times and I've offered to help in any way I can but each time he says he's ok for now. He says he doesn't want to put me out so feel that is the reason he keeps putting me off.
Part of me just wants to go to the hospital to show I want to help. Even just to take him for a coffee to give him a chance to 'offload'. He's doing amazing at being strong for his wife and baby but there is only so much someone can take.
But at the same time I don't want to turn up uninvited as I respect their privacy.

OP posts:
LillyLollyLandy · 19/07/2017 08:22

Turn up. He's calling you for a reason - he trusts you.

YellowLawn · 19/07/2017 08:25

yes just go.
give him a shoulder to cry on and the possibility of an hour's sleep.

Cakescakescakes · 19/07/2017 08:25

Just go. Bring him some snacks or a nice M&S sandwich as he probably isn't eating.

annasfarmgirl · 19/07/2017 08:27

Yes turn up.

When I was in hospital almost everyone left me alone. I suppose they didn't want to 'bother' me.

I've never forgotten the one friend who came to see me and in the years since then she has shown herself to be a true friend.

Just go there, if you feel you're in the way you can always leave again. But show your face! He sounds like he could use a bit of emotional support too.

IrregularCommentary · 19/07/2017 08:28

Go in. If he's called you a few times then he needs help and doesn't know quite how or what to ask for.

I hope your friend recovers soon.

beela · 19/07/2017 08:28

Yes just turn up. Take spare nappies / baby clothes?

Glamorousglitter · 19/07/2017 08:29

I second the others (work in a hospital) and a visit will likely be appreciated even if it s just to bring him for ancoffee and a chat, and the suggestion of some nice fresh fruit/ m and s snacks sounds fab.
Offer to takenthe baby for a walk in the pram while he s with his partner ?!

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 19/07/2017 08:30

I think you should just turn up too. I hope your friend will be on the mend soon Flowers

Brenna24 · 19/07/2017 08:32

Fin out when visiting hours are. Go in and take some food for him and a coffee. Offer to take away any dirty washing. Ask if he needs other shopping. I have found in the past that turning up and doing a few practical things allows people to relax and then they vent their anxieties.

cestlavielife · 19/07/2017 08:32

Go to the hospital
Bring him a coffee
Offer to sit with mum or hold the baby
Ask if he needs anything from his home

annasfarmgirl · 19/07/2017 08:35

I'd also add that in this situation, you're better off intruding than leaving them in peace if they actually want help.

In other words, it would be better for them to look back and complain, "OP really got in the way of our family time back then" than, "That was a terrible time and we had no one to turn to" IYSWIM.

QuiteLikely5 · 19/07/2017 08:36

It really is shocking that this has happened. The tablets they give you to help with the pain post c section cause dreadful constipation and what happens is the blockage causes massive pressure on your new stitches.

I took eight movicol sachets and that helped shift mine but I was in agony and telling my GP something was not right but tbh they weren't really concerned.

I'm surprised that the hospital cannot shift the blockage.

ineedwine99 · 19/07/2017 08:41

I would turn up, he'll probably be very relieved. Hope your friend gets better asap OP

Original poster
Melbabes6 · 19/07/2017 09:28

Thank you so much for all your comments!

I'm going tonight straight after work.

I'm going to make up a little gift basket for my friend.
-lip balm
-dry shampoo
-arnica tablets
-magazines
Anything else....?

OP posts:
Bluerose27 · 19/07/2017 09:31

A nice soft nightie/pyjamas. A sleep mask. New toothbrush and toothpaste. Wipes - the unscented so they can be used anywhere

Bin85 · 19/07/2017 09:34

I wouldn`t bother with gifts if she is so ill
Can you take time off work and go earlier?
hope it works out OK