Friend is postpartum & very ill

[Melbabes6]

Unsure if this is the right place...
My friend had an emergency cesarean on Sat night. She was sent home at midnight on Mon. By the morning her husband had to call for an ambulance as she was in so much pain, then passed out and started convulsing.
She's still in hospital, husband and baby with her. She has a blood clot and severe poo blockage which they can't move.
Her husband has called me several times upset and desperate, trying to deal with a newborn (first time parents) and be there for his wife.
I just want to help but I don't know how....what can I do?!

Yes, you must go to the hospital as soon as you can.

Some people don't like asking directly for help. I know I am one. But our actions often scream help me. So if someone said, oh shall I come and visit I might think oh well I don't want to put you out. And I'd find it difficult to voice it.

I know I'm projecting a bit.

I'd forget about the gift basket right now and wait till your friend is a bit more recovered. I'd offer practical help e.g. Sit with friend while husband gets something to eat, that kind of thing.

You could maybe get the husband a gift card for the hospital coffee shop so he can get himself some decent drinks/snacks?

I know it's standard MN advice at times like this to get busy preparing a thoughtful gift basket, but I think you should just go to the hospital (maybe with a congratulations card for the baby) and suss out the situation and see what they actually need/want eg dad might appreciate someone else looking after the baby for an hour so he can get out for some food.

In the nicest way possible, I think emotional support is going to be more use than hand cream at the moment.

I had to spend months on end in hospital with a very poorly newborn, then again at toddler stage. I cannot tell you what a relief it was to have capable friends just swoop in with home cooked food in disposable trays, take away my dirty clothes and return them ironed, sit with my baby while I took a quick shower, give me hugs and let me cry on their shoulders, make calls on my behalf, etc etc. There is no end to the things your friend's husband will need help with, just go as soon as you can, as often as you can. Mobilise other friends, make a rota, so he's not overwhelmed by too many people at once. You will be like an angel from heaven to them. Sending you

He trusts you, I think you should go up to the hospital and take him for a coffee so he can have a break. Then offer to take the baby for a couple of hours, maybe it'll give him a chance to get some sleep or have a shower.

Maybe make the gift later?

They'll definitely need changes of baby clothes, so maybe buy some newborn vests and babygros. You could wash them before taking them in if you have a tumbledryer. Then take the dirty clothes home to wash (non-bio detergent).

High waisted knickers from m and s are great post c-section as they don't rub on stitches. She may need more maternity pads too.

I hope she improves soon

maybe mint teabags too?

You sound lovely. Speaking from a bit of experience they will appreciate; nice snacks (especially for your friend when she's feeling a bit better), loads of changes of baby clothes, nappies, wipes, fresh pyjamas for Mum and the offer to take away laundry. See if he needs anything from home (iPad? Charger?)
Someone to talk to. The poor chap will be frightened but having to be strong, he definitely needs some moral support. Try to get him out in the fresh air xx

Ask if he'll trust you with keys for his house, and do a laundry shuffle with changes of clothes (for all three of them)

Find out wifi arrangements and see if there are any widgets he needs to make it work more easily.

If he would let you have house keys could you go round and do some cleaning etc at their house?

Those multimam and multigyn sachets were brilliant for sore boobs and sore bum post baby.... depends on how close a friendship you have tho :).
Being stuck in hospital without your baby and feeling rotten must be awful for your friend. All of your list sounds lovely!
A nice pj s or scarf might cheer her up ?

Yes I agree with ivory.they don't need gifts they need practical support to get through this.

Thanks so much for all your advice.

I've spoken with her husband and she's doing better today. They've cleared her stomach with a tube up her nose. She was uncontrollably sick last night. Seems to be feeling better and has been able to have her baby with her. Even managed to do a couple of feeds!

I've made a little basket of things I'd find useful if I were in her position. My husband is coming with me tonight so will offer to take in anything they need and also offer to do any 'jobs'.

Excellent :) sounds like she is on the mend

How is your friend doing OP? X

She had made great progress and was dishachrged Saturday.
Unfortunately she went down hill again and is back at the hospital.
She can't stop being sick. Drs have done all kinds of tests but can't figure what's wrong now.