Neighbour oversteppin

[Confused95]

Wwyd. My dc 3 and almost 2 were in my garden playing while i did some house work (gates are locked) they came running into the house with crisps. I took them off as i didnt know were thay came from and when i went to the bin with rubbish i heard my neighbour calling my children to the back gate offering more sweets. I asked her to not do this as i dont want them taking sweets from strangers and she should ask me before giving my children things. Iv just now had her adult daughter at my door saying i was out of line and her mum was just being friendly. Wwyd here because i was raised not to take sweets from strangers. I feel she very uncomfortable with her calling my small children over when im not there and giving them treats. Iv also caught her a few times when they are out the front playing trying to open my gate (i padlock it when dc are in garden as we live right next to a busy road) and when i come out she pretends it was a game.

That should say i feel very uncomfortable not i feel she

You need to supervise a three and two year old in the garden surely? Then there would be no issue.

When there are out the gates are padlocked and door open so they can come in and out. The only time they are unsupervised is if im putting things away or in the toilet the ground is flat and no holes or anything they can fall down

The gates are padlocked so she or dc cant open them. Im dreading when dc can play out in the street as i dont want them being called over by her as god knows what she could do if shes gained their trust

I think you were a bit harsh. She's a neighbour, not a stranger. And although you're entitled to not want them to eat snacks when you're making dinner, perhaps you could have worded it in a kinder way.

TBF your OP says you were doing some housework, which sounds more than just putting things away. I'd make sure I didn't leave them alone in the garden on their own and then no more neighbour problem.

Nellie they're in the back garden, not playing out in the street.

I don't think you should be leaving them alone outside.

I don't see any difference between kids in a secure padlocked, flat, empty garden within earshot and an open door to them being in the living room with all manner of potential dangers too from ornaments to electricals whilst mum is in the kitchen? With the way many of you are going on, it sounds like you must never have had your children out of your sight in your own homes ever? I'd be bloody knackered if it were like that for us.

My dc are 10, 7 and 5 and are absolutely NOT allowed to snack without my permission. I don't cook meals to have them wasted. It's bloody hard work! I would be slightly annoyed with other people giving them treats without checking with us (especially an under 2yo! Choking is more likely with younger children)

OP, you were right to ask neighbour not to feed your children BUT, if it was enough for the neighbour's adult child to come round and speak to you, do you think perhaps you came across angry or rude? It's a small mistake with lovely intentions and should warrant the most polite request not to give your children snacks directly.
Our neighbour's give treats to our kids but our kids are old enough to not dig in and eat them without checking they can with us.

Maybe a 'do not feed the dc' sign on the gate?
I wouldn't be happy either - my dc are vegi and lots of sweets have gelatine in and we check first. . Neighbours wouldn't know such things!!
Being in the garden of their own home is acceptable imo. . Obviously while you are like you say just about right there. . Not having a sleep upstairs!!

I think it's odd that this woman is tying to open your gate to get at your children.
I would be having words again with mother and adult DD that they are not to give your DC's any food and that it's bloody weird to try to access a garden to get to someone else's kids!

Personally I'd post a letter through the door.

Dear Neighbour,
I'm sorry to hear I upset you by asking you not to feed my children. I am trying to set them up with good habits such as not ingesting things given to them by adults who aren't family - I'm not suggesting you are a danger but they are too young to differentiate between you and a kidnapper- also you failed to ask me if the children have any allergies and food intolerances.
Please Don't feed my children again, even if you are just being kind, as they are my children and I have rules in place.
Thanks
oP

I'd be worried about the choking hazard to be honest. Children running round eating sweets unsupervised is a bit of a worry.

Maybe a 'do not feed the dc' sign on the gate?

YANBU and YABU. She shouldn't really be giving them treats without checking with you, but you shouldn't be leaving them outside unsupervised if they're that accessible from outside your property. A walled back garden would be fine, but this clearly isn't.

Of course YANBU, you should be able to leave your DC in your own garden without them being fed by strangers!

I can't see a garden being worse for children to be left in than the front room. I'd be livid if anyone tried feeding my children without checking with me first.

The garden is padlocked, flat and as safe as any other room in the house so I would have no problem with that - the door to the house is open, they are within earshot.

I would be very annoyed at the neighbour trying to get in your gate though, and I wouldn't want her giving your children things to eat. For all she knows they might have food intolerances/allergies, but it seems that her intentions were good so I'd try to find a way of saying nicely that whilst I appreciated the thought, your children don't eat snacks/sweets between meals thank you.

Have just been speaking to another neighbour and shes informed me that this neighbour keeps coming to her back gate also and offering her dd strawberries even after being told that the little girl is alergic and that a few other neighbours have issues with her. I think i might have to put a board up against my fence at the back and not let dc out the front for a while

Yanbu, she sounds like a weirdo. If it was just the snack issue I would be leaning towards her having good intentions but coming about it wrong. Why the hell is she trying to get in the gate though? That's a different level of odd behaviour.

What was your reply to her daughter?

Her daughter didnt give me a chance to say anything just gave me a mouth full and walked away

Seems like the DD knows her mum has issues and is being overprotective.

Even if meant well originally, she should've stopped after first being told by other neighbours too.