Inheritance nonsense

[StealthSlugAssassin]

NC'd for this.

Parents have recently died and have three daughters (incl me). They fell out massively with sister A a few years ago. Sister B is feckless drug addict and problem drinker. Five years ago they gave B a large sum of money to put a deposit down on a flat. This was pissed up a wall and she ended up in rehab. I haven't had much to do with her since then but I gather it is business as usual. Sister A I am in fairly regular contact with. We live far apart, but get along.

So it turns out parents have left everything to me. I feel a bit uncomfortable about this. I am the most well off out of the three of us and own our home outright, whereas both sisters rent. I feel it would be right and fair to split the money between the three of us, but am concerned about giving a large (6 fig) sum to sister B. Despite her behaviour, she is technically an adult and I think I would have to give her the money or not, rather than give it with caveats. I don't have enough of a relationship with her to steer her towards buying somewhere and she lives in London so I'm not sure she would be able to afford to buy outright or be able to get any sort of mortgage. Sister B says money given would complicate A's benefits and that we should set the money aside for future "bailing out" or split it in half between us. I'm not comfortable with setting myself up for a lifetime of stewardship of A's difficult life. I did 20 years of that crap and don't see the point unless she actually wants to sort herself out. I don't live near her, I have children now (stopped running after her when eldest started school as completely ran out of time and energy for a pointless cause). That sounds callous, but there you go. Neither sister attended the funeral, which pisses me off. Not because of lack of respect for our parents (who could be unpleasant to say the least) but because it was all dumped on me to sort out and make nice with the mourners. But if I write a massive cheque to charity, sister B will be very upset (her only chance to buy a home) and probably sister A too.

I feel I'd rather not have any of the money than the accompanying drama. DH says to do what I think is best. What to do?

At the end of the day it is your money (whether you agree with the will or not) so you can do what you like in terms of who you give it to, just like any other money you have.

I would definitely deduct the wad that your addicted sister has already had from whatever you decide is her share, but realistically i would want to spend as little time and money as possible on managing her money, so would probably just stick it in a bank account in your name so she can't get at it and i wouldn't even tell her it's there so she can't pressure you about it.

If she sorts herself out or needs help to sort herself out at a later date then it is there.

Drug/alcoholic sister - I wouldn't give her a lump sum but I would be sympathetic that she has dealt with a difficult child hood differently to go and your other sister. I would certainly explore a way of using her third to help her without being responsible. Maybe a portion in trust for when she's hopefully not substance dependent (with a clause written in to that effect) and the rest invested in some shit hot rehab with 24/7 intensive support (which no doubt be expensive) when she's ready to access it. Hand it over to a solicitor to manage the terms so you are not responsible. If she never gets clean it goes to a charity, maybe one that specialises in building emotional resilience in children.

Rebellious sister - I would look at the most financially beneficial way to give her a third so it doesn't leave her worse off overall and that could be done in discussion with her.

I think it's telling that neither of your sisters have children and their childhood experiences may well have influenced this.

Your parents are exerting control of their children from the grave. Your siblings by cutting them out the will, and you by giving you the responsibility and the moral dilemma.

Good luck with your decision but certainly seek some more sophisticated legal advice on the matter first.

Dont give addicted sister any money. You will feel terrible when /if she dies from overfose or intoxication.
Keep some money aside for rehab if she gets to a point she wants to go for it.
Speaking from personal experience.

I have no issue at all with giving rebel sister the money. It is the right thing to do and the money is worth much more to her than to me. But we disagree on addict sister. Reb says we should leave her out for her own safety and split the money 50/50. I think we should split it three ways and find some way of managing the money that is hands-off for me but not giving her a massive overdose fund. I am reluctant to be pulled back into her orbit again. So a trust I have no control over or an annuity (if not affecting her benefits) or something else. I doubt we will have enough money (sum not finalised yet, stuff to sell etc) to buy her a flat in London where she lives. And I don't want to move her nearer me particularly and she is a grownup woman - I can't be telling her where to live. Otherwise buying her a place to live rent free would be an excellent idea. We are all three in different corners of the country, so any joint house would be tricky (even the lovely Hollywood beach house plan).

The funeral thing makes me cross, but isn't really enough to prevent them from have access to a live-changing sum of money that is morally theirs. Withholding on that ground would be really petulant I think.

I'd take some tax and benefits advice but I'd look at buying sister B a flat through a trust, so sister B doesn't own it and can't access the capital in it, but has security of tenure.

FWIW I wouldn't split in 2 ways as Rebel sister would like but I would take into account the large sum sister B received while parents were alive and deduct this from any share you do finally give her (preferably in trust)

The remaining sum could then be split between yourself and Rebel sister. But yes do take legal advice as to the implications of giving any money away. Good luck.

I'd split it three ways, putting your other sisters money in a high interest account/ISA or whatever in your name for now, and then think about it again in another 5 years or if she'd made a massive life turn around. Its your money to do with as you like and there's no rush to do anything

I was going to say the same as CMOTDibbler, don't give money to addict sister, just hang onto it for the time being. There is no rush to decide.

Even though you had a difficult relationship with your parents, you are still recently bereaved. You may well feel differently about things after some time has passed.

Give sister a her share and agree an investment in trust for sister b which she can't access without signatures from the trustees so she still has her share but not to spend on drugs. Any solicitor and accountant can do this.

Yes, but that involves the OP in her sister's life forever, elizabethleicester. And how can they prevent her spending it on drugs? Her parents gave her sister money for a home and she spent it on drugs - how could that be prevented again?

I agree with other posters. Split into three, but take the money your sister has already had from your parents away from her share. Put her remaining share into savings in your own name. It certainly doesn't belong to your other sister. Then you and your other sister should have 50-50.

Of course you're not obliged to do that - if you decide to keep it all yourself, you're perfectly entitled to do so. It depends on the relationship you have with your sober sister.

Definitely get advice about family trust. The trustees can monitor payments and make decisions about what's paid ( also important to consider the effect of inheritance on her benefits position if she gets any and any passport benefits ( health, dental, housing) she might lose if getting a lump sum. You do not have to be a trustee so can remove yourself from the inevitable emotional fallout if she wants 'her' money but you're scared of what'll happen if you hand it over. Good luck and for what's it's worth I applaud you wanting to do the right thing and share the money equally

If B has kids set up a trust for them. Invest it for when they are 25.

What a rubbish situation OP. My solution would be to firstly halt the solicitor cracking on with the probabate as once that's done not a lot you can do. Then I would do a deed of variation that both splits the money into 3 and creates a discretionary trust for the benefit of your drug addict sister. Out of the assets of the trust pay for the appointment of external trustees - if you wanted it to be solid you can build wishes in there on the basis of which the trust distributes. Note they don't have to follow them so in theory you would (much as you hate to) want to be a trustee.

I am not a lawyer and so not legal advice but just based on what would happen if we were to die today...our assets would go into trusts for the benefit of the kids. It's there to prevent them having access to sums of money and equally to prevent anyone else from fleecing them. My kids are vulnerable as is your drug addict sister. Rebel sister is a cow for wanting to just split the money 50/50. I would tell her it's either 1/3 each or you keep 100%.

The most important thing to do is do nothing while you are unsure. Park it for a while and revisit in a few months

Very good advice from mineallmine

Wallywobbles, the OP has already said that neither sister has a child.

We had a similar situation but DH & waster BIL. DH did a deed of variation, split 50/50. We no longer have to see BIL and we couldn't care a less what he's squandered it on.