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Original poster

Inheritance nonsense

66 replies

StealthSlugAssassin · 31/05/2017 18:54

NC'd for this.

Parents have recently died and have three daughters (incl me). They fell out massively with sister A a few years ago. Sister B is feckless drug addict and problem drinker. Five years ago they gave B a large sum of money to put a deposit down on a flat. This was pissed up a wall and she ended up in rehab. I haven't had much to do with her since then but I gather it is business as usual. Sister A I am in fairly regular contact with. We live far apart, but get along.

So it turns out parents have left everything to me. I feel a bit uncomfortable about this. I am the most well off out of the three of us and own our home outright, whereas both sisters rent. I feel it would be right and fair to split the money between the three of us, but am concerned about giving a large (6 fig) sum to sister B. Despite her behaviour, she is technically an adult and I think I would have to give her the money or not, rather than give it with caveats. I don't have enough of a relationship with her to steer her towards buying somewhere and she lives in London so I'm not sure she would be able to afford to buy outright or be able to get any sort of mortgage. Sister B says money given would complicate A's benefits and that we should set the money aside for future "bailing out" or split it in half between us. I'm not comfortable with setting myself up for a lifetime of stewardship of A's difficult life. I did 20 years of that crap and don't see the point unless she actually wants to sort herself out. I don't live near her, I have children now (stopped running after her when eldest started school as completely ran out of time and energy for a pointless cause). That sounds callous, but there you go. Neither sister attended the funeral, which pisses me off. Not because of lack of respect for our parents (who could be unpleasant to say the least) but because it was all dumped on me to sort out and make nice with the mourners. But if I write a massive cheque to charity, sister B will be very upset (her only chance to buy a home) and probably sister A too.

I feel I'd rather not have any of the money than the accompanying drama. DH says to do what I think is best. What to do?

OP posts:
PaintingByNumbers · 31/05/2017 19:51

B wont have to pay inheritance tax but the estate might
ask about trusts, they can be a way around benefits, and can be used just to pay for eg holidays, or even to buy a property in trust

Reow · 31/05/2017 19:51

It was left to you. It was their choice.

I would put some aside for potentially life or death bailing out of B. I don't think you should subsidise her overdosing/death. She's not in any condition to make good use of it. Perhaps a large donation to a rehabilitation centre/addiction charity?

Regarding A, was the estrangement simply because your parents disagreed with her choices? Do you think their cutting her out was warranted?

In your shoes I'd probably split it 3 ways between 3 charities.

Reow · 31/05/2017 19:54

Sorry I've just realised A had the "wrong colour" partner.

Fuck that. If that was the reason for the estrangement then I'd give A her third.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Squishedstrawberry4 · 31/05/2017 19:55

I'd buy a house and rent it out, giving them 5k per annum each from the rent. Therefore following the will and being able to channel the cash to your kids but also helping them out

Squishedstrawberry4 · 31/05/2017 19:55

Hang on, why did they fall out with A?

lifeintheslowlane1 · 31/05/2017 19:56

Can you set up a discretionary trust for DSis with drug problems? I believe this would allow her to continue claiming benefits

www.assistlaw.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Discretionary-Trust-information.pdf

AyeAmarok · 31/05/2017 19:56

I'd split it three ways, and keep the sister with the addiction (can remember if it's A or B)'s money aside and maybe in a few years she'll sort herself out.

JessieMcJessie · 31/05/2017 20:01

I am sorry for your loss. Did your parents never talk to you about their wishes when they were alive? Did they die in an accident or just very close one after the other? The reason I ask is that if one predeceased the other then presumably the survivor was the one who made the final decision, rather than it being a joint one.
It sounds like they did make their feelings clear about sister B's issues and if it was their wish that she not be given any more money then I think you should respect that. As for sister A (I think it was her whose boyfriend they objected to, not B like you said, right?) it is more complicated as arguably their wishes in respect of her were based on bigotry rather than genuine concerns, but you probably need to look at it in terms of whether you, having come into what must be at least 300k, now wish to give her something yourself, rather than thinking about it in terms of what your parents could or should have done. I must say I would be mightily pissed off if thought that my children were likely to rip up my will and hand out my money according to their own views of what I should have done. To me it's like a final act of disrespect.

Don't give it to charity, that's ridiculous.

Original poster
StealthSlugAssassin · 31/05/2017 20:05

Yes sorry about the A and B muddle. Not cut out for all this cloak and dagger. The three of us have the same initial, so even in this our parents have screwed me over!

Our parents weren't lovely and we have clearly dealt with it in different ways: I earnt big money and scarpered, one took a chemical escape and one tried to piss them off in every way she could. Black boyfriend was a final straw, but parents need to accept that they cannot micro-control their adult children's every choice. I am sympathetic to her situation. Even this will is an attempt at control - forcing us to have a relationship with drunk sister. Feeling a bit angry now.

Good to have some outside perspectives though - thanks. Will look at an another solicitor local to me to advise me and will enquire about deed of variations and trusts. I doubt the drunk's third share will be enough to buy a property outright and not sure I would want to be a guarantor for a rental or mortgage. But will look at other options. Sober sister should get a share I think. But will not rush in to anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
StealthSlugAssassin · 31/05/2017 20:13

The deaths, the will and the value were all a complete surprise. The will is 12 years old. I'm afraid I can't get worked up about their wishes as this is obviously such a deliberately controversial decision they have made.

OP posts:
Theresnonamesleft · 31/05/2017 20:13

So you get something. Addict gets something. Other sister doesn't because of your racist parents? Hardly seems fair.

Find out how much the addict got. Give you and the other sister that amount. If there's anything left after costs then split 3 ways. Sister A could use it to get off benefits. If there's any left for the addict then this goes into some type of trust that pays her a monthly income until it's all gone.

I would do it that way because other wise addict sister gets more which isn't fair. Or any excess you could donate to charity and explain to addict she had her share already.

Busy77 · 31/05/2017 20:22

Why not buy them both a house but in your children's name and therefore safeguard the money for another generation while still giving benefit to both the sisters.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 31/05/2017 20:31

I'd give the sister with the disapproved of partner her 1/3. Then hang on to the other sisters 1/3, helping her out when required

Squishedstrawberry4 · 31/05/2017 20:33

Yes drunk sister had a huge wad. How much was that? Take that into consideration when working out sums

RandomMess · 31/05/2017 20:40

I would deduct the drunk sister's huge wad too. Then keep the rest in order to pay for re-hab when she needs it...

If this is your other sister's only chance to own a home I would really help her out. Another option could be to buy into a house with her as well with your DC on the deeds to inherit back a share when your sister eventually sells the house (or dies) - it would have to be your sister's choice of house.

GlitteryFluff · 31/05/2017 20:41

I'd be tempted to keep it all to one side for a little while and have a good think, speak to solicitors etc
Any friends of the family you'd trust for advice - someone who knows the situation/ all sisters and patents?
Don't rush into anything.

rocketman3 · 31/05/2017 20:53

You need a lawyer! Trusts, and trustees, doesn't have to be you!

rocketman3 · 31/05/2017 21:52

If this was a film you would buy a beautiful beachside holiday home to share and there would be lots of capers then happily ever after

Reow · 31/05/2017 22:01

@rocketman3 Aw that's nice.

GingerAndPrickles · 31/05/2017 22:11

Trusts need trustees and it sounds like you don't want to take on that task, and there will be higher costs associated with someone else doing it. So if your objective is to give your sister some measure of security, but no lump sum, and no involvement from you, you could look into buying her an annuity.

Original poster
StealthSlugAssassin · 31/05/2017 23:13

rocketman That does sound like an excellent solution! Would there be impromptu singing and dancing? In the meantime, will find a solicitor to give me advice rather than the current one who only wants to process our parents instructions.

ginger Annuity is another interesting possibility to look into.

Thread has been really helpful - thanks.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 31/05/2017 23:37

I don't know why you want lawyers involved. You just need to think about it yourself and work out what's fair, what will work, and what you want to do yourself. You can do whatever you want with it.

You could buy a house for your non-drug addict sister to live in, and put it in your children's name, if you liked, for instance. You could give her the cash. You could keep it all. It's entirely up to you - it's your money. And she didn't go to the funeral, don't forget

fakenamefornow · 31/05/2017 23:48

Split three ways.
Give A one share.
Buy a flat, in your name with mortgage, rent it to B. B inherits this flat or is given it (buys your mortgaged share out) if she cleans herself up.
You keep your share.

ImperialBlether · 01/06/2017 00:06

You can't tell sister B to live in a particular house!

Valentine2 · 01/06/2017 00:09

I would keep sister B's share, use it to buy her a flat or property and put her in there. Once she is bit used to not paying rent at all, I would try and use that as a leverage on her I know it sounds controlling but if it saves her life it's worth it.