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Original poster

Nothing in common but have to talk with SIL. WWYD

37 replies

Fidoandacupoftea · 12/05/2017 09:57

DB works abroad, asked if we could keep in touch with SIL and DNS. SIL has no family nearby. We talk regularly but it is so boring for me. She is nice but very focussed on every little aspect of her kids life. We can be talking for hours abou little nieces potty training updates or older nieces food allergy updates. I love my nieces but don't need so much detail. I have tried changing topics but any discussions on her part goes back to the kids. She is very sensitive and would be horrified if she knew how I felt. I don't want to say anything as she is on her own while I have a big support network. I really looking for some suggestions on how to keep the conversation going.

OP posts:
peppatax · 12/05/2017 09:59

You have my sympathy OP as that's a tricky situation. Can you be honest with your DB and ask for some ideas?

What about going and doing an activity she's enjoy to try and share a mutual experience to get away from the children chat.

user18349332 · 12/05/2017 10:01

Why can't your DB take some of this onboard? Even if he works abroad, there is a multitude of way to keep in touch these days.

Don't be with your SIL for hours. That's far too much. Keep the visits short. Maybe you could get her to go somewhere. It would break up the day a bit and give you something to focus on.

Mothervulva · 12/05/2017 10:03

Why do you have to do this exactly?

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JakeBallardswife · 12/05/2017 10:06

I like my SIL but apart from the obvious how is everyone, how's work. There's nothing there, I'm sure it's a mutual thing. So can you do an activity, cinema, tennis lessons, walk ( although you can talk!), couch to 5k, exercise class etc?

user1493022461 · 12/05/2017 10:06

Why do you have to do this exactly?

She doesn't have to. People do things just to be nice, you may have heard?

CreamCheez · 12/05/2017 10:07

Maybe you just don't have the click with her. There are a couple of friends who I could chat to for hours about anything, mundane or not. And plenty of others where we run out of conversation...
I get on like a house on fire with one SIL as we get each other, but I struggle to make small talk with my other SIL as we have nothing common. It is what it is, just try & keep your chats short.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 12/05/2017 10:07

Sorry but how are you responsible for sil and her lack of friends?
Maybe your 'fake' friendship will lessen her urge to make real ones..
Tell dh he is welcome to ring her himself!!

LittleBearPad · 12/05/2017 10:08

Well it seems there's plenty to talk about - it's just dull.

Can you stick her on speakerphone and get on with other stuff.

I lived abroad (DH's work). It was incredibly lonely.

Mothervulva · 12/05/2017 10:12

Yeah user, I know, but the op finds this person boring, why should she 'have to keep an eye on her?' She can meet her for a coffee once a week which is more time than I get to spend with people I don't find dull.

user1493022461 · 12/05/2017 10:12

Sorry but how are you responsible for sil and her lack of friends?

Again, its called being nice, and caring for family. It's what normal people do.

Seeline · 12/05/2017 10:13

If she is on her own, with no family and 2 littlies, does she have the chance to get out and do stuff without the kids? It sounds like she really doesn't do much else apart from the DCs to talk about.
Do you live nearby? Could you offer to babysit while she goes out to do something? that would mean you were helping without actually have to chat, and she might have something to talk about next time you do speak.
Otherwise, agree it's probably easier to go out together rather than just trying to talk on the phone.

user18349332 · 12/05/2017 10:15

It's nice to be nice and all that, but if your SIL talks about herself and her kids incessantly, it all sounds a bit selfish and one-sided. That could be why she has no other friends in the first place!

user1493022461 · 12/05/2017 10:18

No need to be mean.

Why are people so selfish and rude, for no reason?

Mothervulva · 12/05/2017 10:21

It's not for no reason userwhatever, if someone is boring that's a very good reason to limit contact. Have you got a big gang of boring pity friends?

I don't like the idea that the op's partner suggests she 'look out for his sister', what's his contribution? Op has her own stuff going on.

Op, point her in the direction of some play groups etc that you know, she can start to make her own group.

Original poster
Fidoandacupoftea · 12/05/2017 10:38

Thanks all. Mothervulva Justmadeperfect it is my brother's wife. We talk on the phone, she lives 100 miles away. It is really expensive for them to move closer. DB has suffered from depression throughout his life and I have to be really careful. LittleBearPad that's what I end up doing putting her on the sp phone but it is so draining sometimes.

OP posts:
user1493022461 · 12/05/2017 10:41

, if someone is boring that's a very good reason to limit contact. Have you got a big gang of boring pity friends?

It's not a friend, its her brothers wife. It's family. It's a kindness. You might want to try one sometime, your attitude is appalling.

OP, just keep conversation short, let her talk about her kids for 15 minutes and then ring off. It's not really a hardship, is it?

Original poster
Fidoandacupoftea · 12/05/2017 10:42

user18349332 she has very few friends, I agree with you. She has said previously that she loves talking to me Blush

OP posts:
GoodDayToYou · 12/05/2017 10:43

Could you meet in the middle? Maybe see a film then have a coffee and snack and go round the shops? The film and shops will give you something to talk about.

Original poster
Fidoandacupoftea · 12/05/2017 10:46

Thanks user1493022461. I will try and limit it.

OP posts:
Mothervulva · 12/05/2017 10:46

And your attitude is patronising user.
And no, I'm not going to start bothering with boring people. Thanks.

Sorry OP, thought she lived near you. Hmm I don't know then, you either do it and don't enjoy it or you limit it and feel bad.

MommaGee · 12/05/2017 10:47

Do you both read? Could you suggest both reading a book to talk about or a movie etc?

Original poster
Fidoandacupoftea · 12/05/2017 10:48

Too far gooddaytoyou. I have older kids and work FT.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fidoandacupoftea · 12/05/2017 10:51

That's a thought Mommagee. You are right Mothervulva I am partly to blame but that's a whole other thread Grin

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 12/05/2017 10:52

Christ there's some vile people on this thread Shock

Oh OP what a dilemma. If it's any consolation, you're doing a kind thing, that's appreciated, and I hope that gives you the patience to power though.

purplecollar · 12/05/2017 10:59

I think if you are with dc, without any support, that is very much your life sometimes. I know I had many years of not doing much else, because I had no help. I didn't have childcare, time or money to do much else.

I think you do get a bit boring when that is the case, particular when talking with people who aren't in the same boat.

It's very kind of you to keep doing it. I know it makes the world of difference to me when an old friend phones up. Sort of takes you back to the land of the living.

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