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Original poster

Pretend friends

30 replies

Mummabubba1973 · 09/05/2017 14:08

Hi everyone , hope someone can help
Why do I always pick friends who just dump me after a short period of time. I've just had two dump on me In the last 12 months. I think it's because I'm nice and friendly and people seem to take the mic. They change overnight and don't want to know you. My son says don't worry mum. I just wish it would stop happening. Even having nightmares about it.
Thank-you don't know what to do Sad

OP posts:
Trying2bgd · 09/05/2017 14:17

Unfortunately it's part of life. I would listen to your son, be kind to yourself as it's not your fault and move on. Also often 'mummy/parent' friends can be temporary in nature - once you stop going to same schools/groups or your kids stop playing together, you drift apart.

Original poster
Mummabubba1973 · 09/05/2017 14:20

One of the "friends" I was "friends years ago with and she used me so I suppose it's my fault

OP posts:
MusicToMyEars800 · 09/05/2017 14:23

I have this problem, well problem as in I actually don't have any friends Blush Sad not close ones anyway, just ones that you have a quick chat with and the odd coffee, so just to let you know that you're not alone, an I think I might be too nice too.

Trying2bgd · 09/05/2017 14:28

Her actions say more about her than you. Flowers

Trying2bgd · 09/05/2017 14:34

Music - some people are slow burners, these people you are having a quick coffee may surprise you in the future. I have a close friend now who I knew for years and years on a casual basis, if you had asked me then I would have said she's an acquaintance and will probably stay one!

MusicToMyEars800 · 09/05/2017 14:39

Trying I agree, but sometimes I feel very lonely, I seem to be on my own all the time, my OH works mon-fri and so do I but I go to work when her gets in from work, and my job is solitary I do it on my own.

IJustGotHitByADeer · 09/05/2017 23:26

I know this feeling, a friend who was a bridesmaid at my wedding is getting married and I'm not even invited to her wedding. I can't say too much as it would be outing but it's soon enough that we would have heard by now if we were invited.

This friend was going through some heavy stuff when we met so I guess I was just a sympathetic ear until she got bored and dropped me.

Proper friends do not do this and I hope you have or are able to make friends who will be prepared to work at the friendship Flowers

Trying2bgd · 10/05/2017 14:34

Music - are you able to change jobs?

MusicToMyEars800 · 10/05/2017 14:41

I am looking, but I have no childcare what so ever, so this jobs works well for now, I am trying to get a term time only job but there's not any that I am qualified for going, only teaching jobs and i'm not a teacher. I have 2 dds so holiday clubs etc would cost pretty much my whole wage, and we aren't entitled to any funding because of how much my DP earns.

WarwickDavisAsPlates · 10/05/2017 14:48

Op I don't want to seem mean but are you perhaps quite needy/clingy?

I've recently had to distance myself from a friend because she was far too intense for me. Constantly wanting to be in contact via txt, fb, email etc. I had to stop replying as I felt I had no time to myself with my phone going every 2 mins.

Original poster
Mummabubba1973 · 10/05/2017 19:37

I wouldn't want pretend friends back don't suffer fools gladly rather have no friends than fake ones hope they never get friends

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummabubba1973 · 10/05/2017 19:38

That's rude Warwick nasty in fact don't comment cheers

OP posts:
user1493022461 · 10/05/2017 19:39

don't suffer fools gladly rather have no friends than fake ones

This is why. Sorry to be harsh, but its not them, its you. If the same thing happens all the time, its you. You aren't being a good friend to them, so they don't want to be your friend after a while.

socialengineering · 10/05/2017 19:43

I don't think Warwick meant it to be mean. It is a very valid question I am afraid.

If it is always happening it can't always be them....you need to try a different tactic

Trying2bgd · 10/05/2017 20:20

music - good luck, I hope you find something less solitary.

mumma - don't linger on it too much and it will only eat you up. Spend some time doing things you really like to do, be open to new people coming into your lives but take it slowly.

Original poster
Mummabubba1973 · 11/05/2017 06:23

Not finding this place very nice tbh some people are rude on here

OP posts:
HeyCat · 11/05/2017 06:33

Nobody has been rude to you.

Warwick asked a reasonable question, and it was politely phrased.

You have massively overreacted, taken offence and been rude to posters who are trying to help you.

I am not trying to be rude to you: I just want you to think about whether you might be behaving this way in real life.

If people feel they can't say anything to you without you taking offence, they are not going to want to be friends.

etegrasse · 11/05/2017 06:35

I think it's possible to hold friends to standards that are unrealistically high,

LightYears · 11/05/2017 06:46

I'd rather have no friends than fake ones, what would be the point of that. Confused

user1493022461 · 11/05/2017 09:37

Nobody has been rude. And prickly and defensive to the list of things putting your friends off though.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 11/05/2017 09:48

Warwick has a point! I've been both the "dropper" AND the friend who was too intense.

Are we "not very nice"- or just not telling you what you want to hear?

Original poster
Mummabubba1973 · 11/05/2017 19:07

What a load of trolling nasty bitches mums net been here a few days hate it unhelpful vile

OP posts:
HeyCat · 11/05/2017 19:33

I think it's becoming clear why you don't have friends.

Your behaviour on this thread has been very rude.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 11/05/2017 20:18

Excuse me???????

You asked a question.

We answered.

No one has been ANYTHING but supportive to you! Giving you advice- drawing on our OWN experiences to help you ffs!

Jeez febreeze!

Bore off, yeah?

user1493022461 · 11/05/2017 20:43

What a load of trolling nasty bitches mums net been here a few days hate it unhelpful vile

Yup, this is why you don't have any friends. You're not very nice. And you don't use commas.

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