Paternity Leave Dilema

[Lauramab85]

Hi all

Looking for a bit of advice and opinion on a tricky situation...

I found out I was pregnant really late into my pregnancy, ie at 24 weeks... it's still a huge shock and I'm struggling to get my head around it all to be honest

It hasn't been a joyous occasion unfortunately, when I found out (3weeks ago) I told my partner who has been completely unsupportive. It's heartbreaking as we've been together for 4 years, he's ended the relationship and I'm now having to find a new place to live as we've been living in his owned house. So stress levels are high and it feels like my world has crumbled around me in the last 3 weeks

My main query is regarding paternity leave, he's fortunate in that the company he works for gives 26 weeks fully paid, my company gives only 6 weeks so I'll be returning far too soon after baby is born but unfortunately it's unavoidable given the situation. His employer offers shared parental leave so he has asked about taking the remaining 20 weeks and has been given forms or something to fill out

I don't know if I'm being hormonal and unreasonable but I really don't think he should be getting 20 weeks as a paid holiday basically since he plans on having no involvement with baby. Am I being out of line here if this is something his work says he's entitled to? I doubt they'll know the time won't be spent actually being a father, or if it matters that we won't be living together when baby comes along

This has been a bit of a vent, so I'm sorry for rambling on, any advice would be appreciated

Thanks

Have you looked into claiming benefits when your income drops after the initial 6 week period? No idea about eligibility but I hope there is something available for a single parent trying to live off stat mat pay.

Mowgeli I'm not sure how it would work, but I see it as it's his house so I'm jut accepting that I'm a bit screwed on that front lol! I'm just struggling with the idea of him getting so much time when he won't be acting as a father to his child :( x

Napqueen thanks for all of your advice, it's appreciated. Unfortunately I can't move back in with my mum as she's now a foster career and has a very full house! x

For Paternity Leave and Pay you don’t need proof of the pregnancy or birth - the rules are different if you adoptpt_.*

There you have it guys, basic paternity doesn't have to be proven!!

I think you would be able to claim benefits once you're on SMP. You should look into that. I think you will find it really hard to go back to work to within the first few months. Babies can be really demanding and most nurseries won't take them in until they're 6 months old.

My baby was a shock too. I found out much earlier, but DP and I had only been together for 10 months.

All the best of luck

Yeah I am really struggling with the idea of only having 6 weeks, but I could add on 2 or possibly 3 weeks of holiday so actually could be 8 or 9 weeks, still doesn't seem like much! It's hard to see what benefits would be available, but I guess once I'm living on my own I might be entitled to something on top of the stat mat

You need to think about you and the baby as a priority.

Moving back in with your mum would be hard anyway. I would hate to live with my mum and dad now.

Can't believe it's only six weeks Mat! Are you in the U.K.? X

If you have paid towards the mortgage of the house then unless you have signed a form with the bank excluding this then you may be able to claim an equitable interest in the property! See a solicitor and make sure you claim what you are entitled to.

Mowgeli
Getting only 6 weeks is very common, I did followed by 33 weeks smp

OP was only there for 4 years though so not likely to affect total mortgage. If unmarried she is unlikely to be able to force him to do anything with it

Yeah I love my mum massively, but I do think I'd struggle living back at home now! I'm in Scotland, but I have heard that 6 weeks full pay is quite common :/ x

It's normally 90% for 6 weeks then statutory for the rest

6 weeks is standard with then smp afterwards. Unfortunately not being married leaves you with little protection in the event of a split but a solicitor may be able to help clarify.
Nurseries take from 6 weeks around here and we are not in a big city etc so you will get childcare as needed.

common law wife?

there is nothing in law about a common law wife! Seriously - how do people still believe this?!?

Perhaps you'd be entitled to housing benefit and tax credits?
That would mean hopefully you'd be able to stay home longer with your baby

What a douche. Do you think he'd forge your signature or anything like that? I think if it were me I'd email his company and say that he won't be doing any child care at all during the spl he'll be applying for.

When I was a single parent on SNP, my tax credits were £200 a week, and I got full housing benefit. Depends on your area, but usually covers about 80% of your average 2 bed.

Also, it's pretty hard to get a house on housing benefit (depending on area I guess), so try and get somewhere asap when you can provide recent payslips with your full wage (unless you already have somewhere, in which case perfect!)

Screw him, OP. You take your 9 months off with your beautiful baby and tell him to go stick it!

SMP. I'm not Nicola sturgeon!

I only had 6 weeks with one of my DC and it was fine. Far from ideal but we coped, I BF for a year and we have a great bond. You'll be fine.

You have to give your employer 8 weeks notice of your return date so you will need to tell them you are taking a short leave rather than letting them think you are off for a year but you can refuse to give him any paperwork. I'd be tempted to contact his HR and say you aren't together, don't live at the same address and he isn't going on the birth certificate or be a father to your child and then leave them to sort it out.

From experience.....DO NOT CONTACT HIS WORK!!

I did & my ex called the police!

You need to jointly sign a form to authorise him taking SPL - no signature from you, no SPL for him. Faking your signature would be fraud, presumably.

I can't believe anyone could be that utterly selfish to want to take SPL yet play no part in raising the baby. How does he think he''d explain to his colleagues that he's taking a 20 week holiday and abandoning his child? Preposterous that he'd even consider it.

what happened when Ex called the police?

surely work would be happy you have stopped fraud?

They "advised" me to not make any future contact.

It wasn't his work, it was him.

He was obviously just nauses off I'd done it!!

He'd be pretty stupid taking it, when he gets back they'll all ask questions, ask to see pics, you know the usual.

He'll look like a right prick

Ok. You might not want to dl this, but if he is getting 20 odd weeks off full pay, you and the baby should benefit financially if not practically!

OP due to confidentiality your work cannot give info about you to his work unless you have given consent for this.

I'm not a solicitor but I'm sure you would be entitled to some of the value of the house as you have contributed (unless you had a landlord tenant contract with him).

www.blasermills.co.uk/even-if-my-name-isnt-on-the-property-deeds-do-i-have-any-rights/