Nothing for birthday again.

[charmers2501]

Been with my other half for 6 years, have a 3 year old daughter. Every christmas and every birthday is the same. I get the I've got no money so I don't get a card let alone anything else. It really hurts. It's my birthday tomorrow and I've been told the usual today. No money. Just because I didn't want to wake up again with no card from my daughter I gave him a tenner and asked him to get me a card from her, (no change hence the tenner). I'd be happy with home made but he wont do that. I feel really unappreciated. I manage to make sure I save up hard as it is for his birthday, christmas etc. He gets his money but just wastes it. When I say anything or dare to get upset he says I'm ruining the day (that was christmas). I bought my own christmas presents from my daughter to me, wouldn't have bothered but shed ask why I didn't have a present. 😐

Thanks for all replies, the truth is I do want him to bugger off but he wont and that's another story. I have one fear that us keeping me with him, that's if we split up he will take my daughter. It's my biggest fear. Hence I'm still with him being a mug but I just wondered what other women would do because even though he is selfish it still hurts me and I want to let him know it's not on. Maybe I'm being crazy because I hear what you're all saying but I'm being an idiot for staying. I know that. I just have "the big fear". Xx

Why would he take your daughter?

Did my previous reply arrive?

Did my previous reply arrive?

Does he do special things on your birthday that don't cost money? Extra cups of tea/ cuddles / toast in bed? If not, then it's definitely not about the money.

No, I actually think he's just nother arsed.
If we split up, I'm worried he will try and take her to be spiteful. He's pretty controlling. He knows my daughter is my world

for you OP; how miserable. I agree with LiveLife - help your DD learn to treat you well & value you & in doing that you'll also help her value herself. Making a card & cake with her is a lovely idea. Make some happy memories with her tomorrow.

Sorry for crap spelling. My tablet keeps changing words and freezing up.

If he can't be arsed to buy you a birthday card, he's not going to want to go to the effort of looking after a child. He might say he'll take her to manipulate you, but that's what it will be.

Is the house you live in yours, his or both? Rented or mortgaged? You need a practical plan to ditch the miserable git and by Christmas life will be better.

That's rubbish OP. for you.
Does he have a job?

I can understand your concerns on your DD, but does he actually spend any real time with her now?

He sounds like a lazy man and so less likely to want any proper time with her than considerate adult. I worried that I'd loose my DCs when exH left but DCs prefer majority of time with me and he sees them for short bursts. Most importantly I'm no longer in limbo and happy moving forwards. Splitting up can be a relief!

He's crazy about his kids, he has 2 adult kids aged 21 and 23 and he travels 50 miles 3 to 4 times a week. When I got with him I thought brilliant as he cares a lot about his other kids but now it's almost obsessive. That's why I worry about him taking my daughter.
He's left me countless times and my God I regret taking him back but I was totally in love, thought it was my fault etc, now I know different and know I deserve better but the bugger won't go anywhere now since I had our daughter.
It's almost another control thing x

Oh, the house is rented. I owned a place but sold last year as I felt isolated. I've moved back to my home town and it's in my name only. Wasn't going to make that mistake. X

But this is your life. And you only get one of those.
Try and work out how realistic your fear of him taking your girl is. Start putting together a plan. Don't get old with someone who doesn't care about your feelings unless there is no other way. It will make you small.

He sounds horrible. You sound unhappy. It's much more than the birthday cards and I think you realise what you need to do. Leave him!
It's highly unlikely he would be able to just 'take' your daughter and I expect he's made you feel like that would happen to make you not want to leave him!

Right then. Ring Women's Aid tomorrow, tell them the basics and say you want advice on how to get him out of your rental property and how to deal with any threats to 'take' your DD. That can be your birthday present to yourself. Do you have friends or family locally now?

I hope you do what's best for you. I usually roll my eyes when the first comment is "leave him", but the flow of this thread makes it clear that you should xx

He sounds mean, cruel, domineering, thoughtless, manipulative, I could go on...and you're getting the same feedback from other Mnetters. If you could switch off your fear of change (the ifs and buts) what would you do?

I rang women's aid last year, they said because he's on birth certificate that he has equal rights. I don't have a problem him seeing her, just I don't want him taking her out of the house. For a start he's an absolute nut job when driving. He assumes every one is cutting him up etc and then chases after them, wheel spins, gets about 2 inches from their bumper, screaming obscenities. He's done this with me and daughter in the car. I try and avoid any car journey with him and definitely don't want him taking daughter in the car. She's 3 and already it's careful daddy, stop daddy, what's the matter daddy, even copying his swearing which I'm furious about.
So yeah that's one thing, the other is its like he doesn't really want me but doesn't want me having a life without him. We split up one time and he was sitting across the road from my home in the bus stop. I had a friend round, male, nothing going on, just dinner and he phones up telling me he's in Oxford but he's sitting outside watching my windows.
He'd be spiteful enough to take her and not bring her home. It terrifies me. I'd actually disappear with her if I could. Move away to the Midlands or something. But then I'd be breaking the law by denying him access wouldn't I.

He's very charming when he wants to be, comes across perfect partner.
It's not a case of I'm scared of being alone. I'd love it.
He messed with my head so much 4 years ago I was sectioned and I'm never ever going back down that road. (Before daughter)
I wish I'd got a sperm donor!
Truth is I feel stuck through fear of losing my daughter and so I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation. Trying to not rock the boat xx

Ps when we got back together he actually was on antidepressants and was the guy I first got together with. I believed he'd changed.
I think he's got bi polar or is a sociopath but he's perfect according to him.

If I got rid of my fear you ask, I'd move to the Midlands, get a little part time job, daughter in a nice school, have a cosy home and start over.
Maybe one day find another decent guy. I had a great husband, we split because he changed his mind about wanting kids after previously saying yes. It was bloody hard to leave each other but I couldn't ignore wanting to be a mum. I've had a brilliant relationship, so now I see how awful my current one is and yet it's harder to leave the guy I'm not married to than it was to leave my husband. Even he texts me on my birthday. In secret because current partner has threatened to break his legs. My mum said it's because he knows my ex is more a man than he will ever be and feels threatened by it.

Happy birthday OP I hope you can have a nice time with your daughter today. Do help her to make you feel special today - that's important for you both. I really hope you can improve your situation soon.

Happy birthday op! Go and do something nice today.

I hope you leave your partner and buy your little place in the Midlands.

Thank you for birthday wishes. Xx