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Original poster

What what you do if your hubby was hiding texts?

29 replies

Lill8671 · 10/01/2017 16:58

How close is too close when it comes to same sex friendships? I ask this because
my step sister (of sorts) & my husband have gotten quite close lately.

I considered her to be a good friend to me, my hubby & our kids who love her to bits. I would say my husband has a different relationship with her anyway than I do because they are both smokers & I'm not so they will often stand outside chatting with each other at parties etc & they both have similar outgoing personalities & so have a lot of banter & bounce off each other. I have never had any reason to worry about their friendship though until very recently.

To cut a long story short they have been messaging each other which I wouldn't have been worried about had it not been for the fact that my husband is being secretive about it all. The only reason I can think of as to why he is being so secretive is because there is something more going on. Something that he doesn't want me to know about.

He is certainly being more careful with his phone these days. He would usually leave it lying around or let our daughter use it to send messages to her friend she met on holiday but now he keeps it closely guarded.

So of course I am now absolutely paranoid!

OP posts:
Ilovecaindingle · 10/01/2017 17:01

Unless it's your birthday or wedding anniversary coming up I would be suspicious also. ..

RebelRogue · 10/01/2017 17:02

Is he being overprotective of his phone because of the messages with your step sister or in general? You may be focusing on their relationship but be something else entirely. Any way you can get access to his phone and have a nosey?

Original poster
Lill8671 · 10/01/2017 17:08

RebelRogue I have seen messages pop up on his phone from her & not said anything then had a quick look when he's fell asleep & he's deleted them (he doesn't normally delete messages) He has also had messages come through from her whilst he's been showing me something on his phone & he's quickly moved it away from me. I've just pretended not to have seen them. I think I've been afraid to face up to what could be going on.

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 10/01/2017 17:12

Deleting the messages would worry me. If your spidey senses are tingling i can totally see why. What i'd do is keep checking the phone at random times to see if i find anything,or see if i could have a look through my step sisters one. Then on e i have proof of something confront them both.

Original poster
Lill8671 · 10/01/2017 17:15

Will keep trying. I feel like such an idiot & I can't say a thing without seeing the contents of the messages first because of course he would just deny it. Will just have to continue to drive myself insane until I see it for myself.

OP posts:
balence49 · 10/01/2017 17:18

I confronted mine yesterday. I had a gut feeling and knew he had deleted txt off female work friend.
So I told him to get a app that can retrieve deleted texts... should have seen the colour he went and shaking.
So i then added in that his recently broken phone is waiting in a shop for me to collect with the retrieved texts on.

Admitted a two year full blown affair.... I told him to go this morning. Devastated totally heartbroken. Can't see any way that I could trust him again.

balence49 · 10/01/2017 17:20

Don't tell him, he will definay be on it then deleting. There's an app called MobiKin it need to be downloaded then plugged into pic. It brings up everything that's been deleted. Can you look when he's asleep in the shower etc?

Original poster
Lill8671 · 10/01/2017 17:22

Omg. I'm so sorry to hear that. This is exactly what scares me. An affair would be bad enough but the implications of what unfolds afterwards scares me more.

OP posts:
stumblymonkey · 10/01/2017 17:23

Balence FlowersSorry that you're going through such a tough thing.

Is there an app that retrieves deleted texts?

I'm not an especially jealous or paranoid person but this behaviour would set alarm bells going for sure.

I agree that you can't confront him without evidence though so keep trying. Is there any chance of sneaking a peak at your step-sister's phone?

I'd be checking his phone at every opportunity and his email/FB/What's app.

Do you have access to his phone bill which would at least give you an idea of frequency of the texts and time?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/01/2017 17:25

If it comes to the point of spying on him using apps, it might be time to call it a day. If I found out that someone was spying on me, it would be a dealbreaker

Where was the same sex element - have I read it wrong?

Potnoodlewilld0 · 10/01/2017 17:30

If it doesn't feel right it probably isn't. Your instincts are warning you of some thing so you should listen.

If there is anything between them - non of this is your fault so don't feel stupid ect..

balance I'm so sorry Flowers

Original poster
Lill8671 · 10/01/2017 17:30

I wouldn't spy on him with apps, even now I am trying to think of a rational explaination for it all even though alarm bells are ringing.

OP posts:
balence49 · 10/01/2017 17:31

Well so I found by searching for
app to retrieve deleted texts etc. I think there's a few might be a few quid. They can pull up stuff off fb/texts/WhatsApp etc.

Mine refused and then when I told him I'd taken his broken old phone to the shop he came clean. But that was only because he was backed into a corner. Can't stand lying cheating fuckers, he's done I'm afraid. Had different friends round all day times like this you find out who they are...

I hope you find out op it was driving me crazy. Sorry to hijack your thread, I can't make my own because he knows I use Mumsnet and might be watching.

Potnoodlewilld0 · 10/01/2017 17:31

I don't think your really ready to know yet are you?

Original poster
Lill8671 · 10/01/2017 17:33

If there is something going on I am praying that it doesn't go beyond them messaging each other. 😭

OP posts:
balence49 · 10/01/2017 17:40

I didn't spy on mine. I knew there was a lot of texting going on and then I found cinema Stubbs... so then I told him that he was to do it now in front of me... of course he wouldn't coz he is full of shit. I would never have said I'd have a problem with him and a woman. Well good luck to her is all I can say she will need it when it's her at home with kids in a few years.

Can you arrange a get together including sit and watch them. See how they are, maybe come out with a few comments and watch reactions.

Original poster
Lill8671 · 10/01/2017 17:50

I just read my original thread at the top. I did mean 'same sex' relationships lmao 😂 this is what happens when stress takes over.

OP posts:
Potnoodlewilld0 · 10/01/2017 17:52

Affairs don't start in the bedroom they start with conversations.

Just be honest and frank with him and ask to look at his phone if he says no- you have your answer

Original poster
Lill8671 · 10/01/2017 17:53

''Didn't'' mean same sex friendships is what I meant to say. I think I need to go & lie down 😯

OP posts:
Original poster
Lill8671 · 10/01/2017 17:56

There won't be any messages on his phone if I ask to see it now but I think I need to be brave & confront him as soon as I know she's text him & ask to see it & confront him about what they've been chatting about.

OP posts:
yummycake123 · 10/01/2017 18:14

I would be suspicious too. If there is nothing to hide, why delete texts or be weird about it?

Original poster
Lill8671 · 10/01/2017 18:29

Exactly the way I've been thinking yummycake . It's driving me crazy.

OP posts:
PollytheDolly · 10/01/2017 18:54

Um....hammer to the phone and shoved up said arse, including the sharp bits...

I do hope you're wrong though OP but he's acting suss.

Good luck x

Purplebluebird · 11/01/2017 09:26

Good luck talking to him! Hope it's not what you fear.

SlaaartyBaaardFaaast · 12/01/2017 18:06

I would like to encourage you if I may. I have been through something like this and my DH was having an affair. I had PND at the time and was oblivious to all the signs. Our relationship was in a very bad way. I am not going to say anymore about that though as this is a public forum, apologies.

What I will say though, the 'finding out' event it forced us to confront our problems and we worked through it. Have been together another 7.5yrs since (17.5yrs in total). With things like this - if your suspicions are correct - there is no easy way afterwards whether you choose to walk away or work through it... but it must be tackled regardless. There can be a positive outcome and a light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck lovely.