I don't know quite how to start this.
I'm struggling with my relationship with my husband. I love him to bits and I just want to make it clear straight away that I would never leave him. I love him. He is a good guy.
I don't know what I expect from this thread. I'm just struggling and confused. I don't know if things are my fault or his fault or a mixture of both or a misunderstanding.
Things that are happening every day: subtle put me downs. Nothing awful. Just mentioned a topic I was interested in and he immediately laughs at me and always puts down my ideas. I feel like I can't have an opinion. Because it will be wrong. This morning I just mentioned about my friend telling me too much soy was bad for you and he tells me how gullible I am. She had out ideas in your head. You are letting people lead you etc. Then pulls up Google and triumphantly shows me something saying soy is fine. I just left it because he was getting really angry and I cba with a row. I handn't even looked into it. It was just a passing comment. Something to think about.
Complaining about housework. For example today he was at work. I looked after our two kids. (Both under 4) cleaned the whole of upstairs cleaned up after painting etc. Cooked dinner.cleaned you room cleaned up after kids and got them ready. He came Joe and there were the dinner plates that the kids used and I hadn't washed up yet and he was just going on and on about it always being a mess when he gets home and things would be different if it was him at home. It was a few plates, which I would of cleaned up. But he came home early.
He gets really stressed with mess etc
Things that happen once in a while:
Sometimes he will be pushy about sex. So he might initiate it and I say I'm not in the mood and he will just go on and on and he will have his hands down my pants and pulling my pants down while I'm trying to pull them back up. I've actually clamped my hand over my vagina to try and stop him getting at me. He just forces it away and keeps doing it. I often just give in and have sex.
Sometimes I want sex. But then it becomes too rough or painful and I tell him it's hurting but he just keeps going.
A few times over the years I have been really drunk and he has put me to bed and had sex with me while semiconscious.
I have women up to him touching me...or trying to push his penis into me.
Once a few months ago I said no countless times I tried to push him off and he still kept coming back and put his penis in me and just started having sex with me. I ended up lying there silent and still while he did it and he just carried on.
The other night he wanted sex but I was in my period. I obviously said no. He asked for a titwank. I said no. He kept going on so I let him. Then he started walking off over me and I said don't do it in my face, but he stood right over me and ejaculate all over my face. He has done that twice before.
Gropes me infront of the kids in a way I'm not comfortable with. I've told him I don't like it.
We went to a party last week and it was mainly for kids for Halloween and he was very clingy. I had to run after the kids and he kept coming to see where i was. He kept holding me and squeezing my bum and wanting to kids me. But I dodnt feel comfortable infront of everyone and especially the kids.
Also I want to get back to work. Only a few hours a week to start with. My friend helped me find a position to apply for that is perfect for me. While she was there my husband acted as though he were fine with it. When she left he kept telling me that she was putting ideas in my head and that I didn't need to work. When I said I wanted to just to get experience and feel like I was contributing. He said it would mean less time together and he wanted to spend time together and I obviously didn't. he was quite annoyed.b
I feel like if I do or say anything that he doesn't like. It's like treading on eggshells for days after and I can't do anything right.
I just feel a bit sad atm. I used to be so happy with him around and now I'm just anxious.