How to tell my wife something......

[StevieDW]

I am and have been a transvestite most of my life. I'm in my 40s and have been happily married for 20 years. I have a secret life which involves me cross dressing. This is purely solo when I'm away from home. I have a selection of women's clothes and even fake breast. I am not gay and do not want to be a woman but feel comfortable dressed in a skirt or dress in my hotel room. I don't wear makeup or wigs. How do I tell my wife? I'd love her to be a part of this but am frightened of how she'll react. I don't want to lose her. Please help.

Thanks Stevie - I make a lot of sense when I am not randomly texting 'orgy'!!

I hope things work out for you both. you sound a good person and I think maybe, with the right help, your marriage could weather this storm, who knows, I never thought I would say that! But I also feel, strongly, that you need to come to your own decision, none of us know your wife like you do. All the best.

Relate is probably very 'transed up' and will tell you, I bet, that your wife ought to be fine with it or she is in the wrong. Which plainly isn't true.

The other thing Stevie is that it is not just about your marriage but also about you. Do you want find out for you what is going on? You say it is not sexual and you are a man not a woman, so maybe this dressing is fulfilling a need but potentially damaging you.

My problem is overeating. I have an eating disorder. I am in therapy for it (as the Americans say). I believe strongly it morphed out of OCD I had as a teenager/20 something. It impacts my health and fitness. I want to be free of it.

You may want to be free of the cross dressing, or maybe you dn not want to be, or at least you want to understand it. Be wary of any counsellor telling you this means you are not a man.

Take care.

Hi. Just an update.
I spoke to my wife about this and she was quite shocked at first. I tried to have as many questions answered as possible which I think we covered.
After about an hour of talking (all civil to be fair) she wanted to see my clothes. She has now seen them and actually wants to see me dressed up. This floored me as I thought she'd be hurt and upset. Actually quite the opposite. We are planning to spend a couple of days away to 'play' as she put it. She actually wants me to go out with her dressed up. Of course this will be where nobody knows us.
Here's another shock. She said she already knew or had strong suspicions but didn't want to say anything for fear of upsetting me.
I am so relieved and thankful for such a beautiful and understanding wife.
She has seen this thread too. I showed her it and she's glad I started it.
Thanks y'all
I will let you know how the night 'out' goes
:-)

I missed this earlier, but would have said that you sound lovely & very caring, but do need to be true to yourself & honest with your wife, but without knowing your wife, how that would go is anyones guess.

So pleased that you have had such a positive outcome - sounds like you now need to get onto AirBnB & book yourself a break away in Brighton

Best of luck to you

Oh Stevie I've just caught up with your thread and I'm so happy you managed to talk to your wife and had such a happy outcome. I was worried you'd be deterred after reading some of the comments. I think as you feel it's such a big part of who you are you couldn't keep it from her any longer, and it obviously is as she already knew. She sounds like a wonderful, caring, loving partner and I hope you continue to enjoy sharing more with her. I think after such a positive response you will probably be even closer than ever.

It's been so nice to read a happy outcome on mn, too often it ends in misery on these relationship threads. I really do wish you all the very best together.

Oh so happy to see your last update! I was going to post and say I'm a bit different to most - I would perhaps be a bit upset about not telling me straight away, but I would accept it as just a "thing". A friend of mine does this, and we often have a laugh about it together.

So glad for you and your wife too :)

Fantastic update

Stevie it's not surprising that you're having a mid life crisis "thing". Don't forget testosterone levels drop rapidly in your 40s so your hormones are all over the place - imagine teenage reactions but in your 40s!

Delighted to read that you and your DW are going to make this a part of your life together. Enjoy.

Hi all of you wonderful people,

We have just returned from a weekend away in Manchester. We had a great time dressing up and we actually went out shopping dressed up. OK, there were some (well, more than some TBH) strange looks and nasty comments as it is very obvious that I am a man but I didn't try to look like a woman except for the 50s style polka dot dress I was wearing. My DW had given me a full makeover in the hotel but we'd both agreed that I looked ridiculous so we washed up and just went out, with a natural look, to buy new clothes. Both of us tried on stuff, like a pair of giggling mates and the shop assistants were very understanding.

I am so glad that we did this and we are stronger than ever. All aspects of our lives are better now and I've not seen my DW looking so happy. We now have three sections in our wardrobe. She's always been surrounded by men and she said it is great to have a 'girlfriend' to spend time with. I wish I had done this 20 years ago. We plan to do something similar every month or so, work permitting.

Thank you all for your support, advice and understanding.

Stevie X

PS. Its a good job my name could be taken as male or female ;-)

That's so lovely to rad Stevie. So many threads on relationships are so bleak it's refreshing to hear such a success story. You have a fabulous wife, but I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. Hope you continue to have fun together x