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Original poster

Revoking an invitation after a facebook post

34 replies

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 10/09/2016 15:40

I know this isn't a huge problem in the scheme of things but it grates on me and I feel bad on behalf of our daughter. Dd will be 8 soon and has recently changed schools yet still keeps in contact with her gang of friends from her previous school as they were all close. We recently invited one of the friends, let's call her Katy, over to play during the school hols as Katy was finding it upsetting that DD had moved schools.

For DD's birthday in a few weeks we said dd could invite her 3 old friends and 3 of her new friends to her party. Invitations went out. The old friends had theirs via Facebook as we wouldn't have seen them in time before the party.

Then I saw the post on fb of all of dd's old friends, plus some other children from the same class who weren't part of their gang, having been invited to Katy's house for her birthday. Dd hadnt been invited and I thought it was really mean that she hadn't, especially considering we had recently had Katy over for the day.

Not that I was expecting a return invite either, but for a close friends birthday I thought dd would have been invited over.

I get the feeling that some of the parents hold it against us that we've moved dd to another school, as it looks like we're sayi n g their choice of school is inferior (thats not the reason) so this is a way of them making a point, by excluding dd.

Now I want to revoke Katie's invitation as I feel that we've been given the cold shoulder by her parents.

What would you do?

OP posts:

Lilaclily · 10/09/2016 15:42

I want to revoke Katie's invitation as I feel that we've been given the cold shoulder by her parents

This says it all , it's not poor Katie's fault you feel the parents have given you the cold shoulder

NoFuchsGiven · 10/09/2016 15:43

I think you are over thinking it tbh.

Ipsie · 10/09/2016 15:45

I wouldn't take it out on the child.

Let the invite stand. If this really does bother you and more importantly your daughter, have a quiet word with Katy's parents. It may be they are trying to encourage her newer/nearer friendships to try and help her come to terms with your DD no longer being around so much. Until you talk to them you won't know.

Either way, not the child's fault.

Squeegle · 10/09/2016 15:47

🎼 let it go let it go let it go!

dylexicdementor11 · 10/09/2016 15:48

You would come across as an incredibly vindictive and small minded person if you revoked the child's invitation .

Sootica · 10/09/2016 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jizzomelette · 10/09/2016 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waltermittythesequel · 10/09/2016 15:54

Don't be so ridiculous.

People do things differently.

Katy invited the friends she plays with regularly.

somekindofmother · 10/09/2016 15:59

I don't think it's katys fault and revoking her invite would be mean.

if she's struggling with your dd moving schools her parents probably chose to invite other children as a way to expand her friendship groups and worried that if your dd was there she would just hang out with her.

I recently moved away from my best friend, and her dC is my dc best friend but in the the lead up to and post is moving we both had to make provision for our dc to make new friends, which involved doing things we'd usually invite each other to, with other people instead. it's sad cos the situation has changed and we wish it wasn't so, but it's not vindictive, it's just about trying to do what's best for the kids.

Lunar1 · 10/09/2016 16:06

Maybe Katy's parents are helping her to see that she has other good friends outside of your daughter. If she's taken it badly some distance away from your dd and with her school circle will probably help the transition.

bluebeck · 10/09/2016 16:06

No, you can't revoke Katys invitation.
I agree with Pp you are taking this too much to heart.

Original poster

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 10/09/2016 16:08

Yes I know you're all right but I can't help but feel it's a slight. I won't revoke the invitation as I have nothing against Katy.

OP posts:

ProseccoBitch · 10/09/2016 16:09

I wouldn't lower myself to their level (however tempting it was!) Best to let the invitation stand and be the better person.

Haggisfish · 10/09/2016 16:09

Maybe Katy was only allowed to invite friends from school.

Biscuitsneeded · 10/09/2016 16:10

You moved your daughter, OP. She's doing well if she's already made some new friends, and understandably would like to keep up with some of the old ones too. But Katy is the one who has to get on with life as it was but minus your daughter. As you say, she's been finding it difficult without your DD, so Katy's parents may be focusing on helping her with other friendships. Unless you are very good friends with Katy's parents and would see lots of them anyway, things will move on and hopefully both Katy and your DD will find their feet in their respective schools and not look back. It's nice that you invited Katy, but I don't think the other parents have any moral obligation to keep on including your DD in parties when you chose to move her elsewhere. I'm afraid that if you move schools without moving geographically, whatever your reasons people will think that you were in some way saying their DC's school was no longer good enough. That may be unfair but you can see how people might feel that way.

Horsegirl1 · 10/09/2016 16:12

You are being completely childish ! Grow up

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2016 16:16

Christ almighty OP

Do you have no life at all of your own?

Why are you so heavily involved in your child's friendships?

She won't thank you for all this when she's older, I'm sure.

PurpleTango · 10/09/2016 16:16

My youngest two didn't go to the same junior school as their friends from Infant school. They all drifted apart. My two found new friends in their new school and their old friends also found new friends. There is no point in hanging on to what used to be. Life moves on. You have invited an "old" friend to your DC's birthday. You cant undo that. All you can hope for now is that Katy's mother will contact you to say her DD cannot attend the party because of ....(whatever). And you can invite someone from your DD's new school instead.

RitchyBestingFace · 10/09/2016 16:20

You moved your daughter to another school, but you want her old school friends to act as if she never left? What?

Willow33 · 10/09/2016 16:20

I understand why you would be upset. Is there any way you could contact Katy's mum (not on FB) and ask her if she has any plans for Katy's birthday as you know it's coming up and your dd would love to see her.
That way, you will know either way if it was an oversight or not. I had a similar situation recently but the other way around. I invited a very good friend off dd's from her nursery to dd's birthday but as her friend is being moved to another nursery, her mum wanted to in not so many words, 'move on'. I didn't mind but I know it's different because your dd is older and has a more developed relationship with Katy.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 10/09/2016 16:21

You need to take a step back, you are massively over invested in your DDs friendships.

PacificOcean · 10/09/2016 16:23

I think it's really normal to invite (current) school friends only to a birthday party.

RitchyBestingFace · 10/09/2016 16:26

Is there any way you could contact Katy's mum (not on FB) and ask her if she has any plans for Katy's birthday as you know it's coming up and your dd would love to see her. That way, you will know either way if it was an oversight or not.

Please don't do this.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 10/09/2016 16:27

whatever your reasons people will think that you were in some way saying their DC's school was no longer good enough. That may be unfair but you can see how people might feel that way.

I don't get how people can feel that way they are not the one picking up the pieces or sorting out the illness later on. For what ever reason she pulled her out it must have been a good one. If the adults want to have feelings around it then thats there prerogative. Its almost like saying leave her there and hopefully she will do better. We all want whats best for our children and if there children were doing better then good luck to them.

MatildaOfTuscany · 10/09/2016 16:28

I think, school move or not, your daughter is now at an age where birthday celebrations get smaller - no longer whole class affairs, more typically either something special with one or two friends, or maybe half a dozen friends. You have to accept (and teach your daughter to accept) that sometimes things happen without her being invited, that it's not a personal slight, and that birthdays don't function on a "I've invited you to mine, so I should automatically get an invitation to yours" basis.

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