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Original poster

Swinging and the fall out...

30 replies

Abadman · 31/08/2016 18:54

My story(DH) I will try and paint a picture that hopefully gives you an idea of what is going on in our lives...
I have used swinging sites for personal satisfaction..chatting swapping pictures etc. This has been going on for quite a number of years, 12 or 14 I think... I have been married for 10 years and have a number of children whom I love and adore...
My wife found out about my carrying on about 12 years ago and to her credit did not throw me out, I fact she joined in.. We then got married and had children and our sex life dwindle as it does, but my interest in these sites never really died. Fast forward a few years and we have swung together a handful of times which I enjoyed and assumed my DW did too... However it turns out she would rather meet alone, so with my blessing has done... twice... However the second meet has stirred feelings in me that I'm not totally comfortable with... She would like to meet up with this guy again but I'm not so sure... This has caused a lot of tension in our relationship and I think it's at breaking point... I guess I'm getting my just deserts... Should I suck it up and hope for the best or be more drastic in my actions?

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 31/08/2016 18:56

I think you reap what you sow.

You can't have it all your own way OP

Sparklingbrook · 31/08/2016 18:58

What ;drastic action' have you got planned? Confused

Original poster
Abadman · 31/08/2016 18:58

I think you're right...

OP posts:
mrschatty · 31/08/2016 19:00

You've opened Pandora box by allowing swinging in your relationship. There really are no boundaries now. Shagging someone at an organised swinging event or meeting someone for 1-1 'private' sex is it really different? I'd argue no. Either way you have agreed you can Shag other people and so she is.

AnyFucker · 31/08/2016 19:00

Define drastic action

sooperdooper · 31/08/2016 19:00

Serves you bloody right, I'm surprised she's put up with your crap for so long

Branleuse · 31/08/2016 19:01

good for her. Hope she has a good time

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge · 31/08/2016 19:01

You should have been upfront about using these sites and those preferences before you married, not afterwards.

Swinging often damages relationships and the only time I've heard it not is when both parties enter into it mutually, meets are always involving both of the couple at the same time so each person knows exactly what's going on and both people discussed all the ramifications before hand.

Sounds like this is not the case here. It could be the start of an affair or it could not. What you are feeling now though is the feeling your wife probably had when she found out about your swinging. Not nice is it?

I don't think you can do anything but carry on and hope like hell that it works out how you want.

Original poster
Abadman · 31/08/2016 19:01

Seek help to try and figure out why I have these feelings and maybe get therapy Hmm

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/08/2016 19:03

What feelings ? Jealousy at your wife shagging another man ? I thought that was your thing ?

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge · 31/08/2016 19:04

If you are jealous then tbh you should have thought about that before YOU brought this into your marriage. It only works if you can both keep a lid on the jealousy.

Original poster
Abadman · 31/08/2016 19:05

I feel threatened and have ruined our relationship and now I'm paying the price for my stupid bullshit

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/08/2016 19:06

You got it

MephistoMarley · 31/08/2016 19:07

I don't think you need therapy, you've worked it all out already Hmm

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge · 31/08/2016 19:07

You are coming across as saying that you think it's all fine for you to do this stuff for so
Many years but as soon as your wife "gets properly into it" you freak.

Sounds to me like you need a talk about what you both want from your marriage and a reassessment of swinging a role within it (for BOTH of you. You can't tell her no then do it yourself you would have to cut ALL contact with other women.)

Original poster
Abadman · 31/08/2016 19:13

I really need to cut off my John Thomas...

Seriously though, I not so much upset about the sex, it's the secrecy surrounding it all...
Nothing like a bitter pill is there to make you realise how much I have been a dick!

OP posts:
Original poster
Abadman · 31/08/2016 19:17

Just to be clear... I have never met anyone without her present...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/08/2016 19:19

The messages and picture swopping don't count then ?

PopadomPointer · 31/08/2016 19:20

What's the phrase?

Good for the goose,Good for the gander...?

Suck it up Op,you've made your bed...

Original poster
Abadman · 31/08/2016 19:21

Yep... I'm going to suck it up....

The messaging and the picture swapping is worse...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 31/08/2016 19:23

Yeah you should totally get punished for that

Happy now ? < examines fingernails>

Sparklingbrook · 31/08/2016 19:24

So, that's all sorted then. Great.

Original poster
Abadman · 31/08/2016 19:28

Just needed another perspective on the situation and thank you AnyFucker for your insightful views... any one else like to put the boot in?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 31/08/2016 19:30

There is only one perspective, sadly.

KatieHopkinsAteMyHamster99 · 31/08/2016 19:47

Sorry OP but you have attracted the usual mumsnet reaction to anyone in a non-monogamous set- up, from posters who have no experience of swinging and who seek to rubbish anyone.

Your feelings of jealousy are telling you something, but think carefully about what it is. What are you really worried about? Talk to your wife. The watchword has to be communication, communication, communication. You both need to be clear what the boundaries are that are acceptable to both of you. The attitude that you lied to her originally, so you now have to put up with anything she throws at you, is just going to end up with a relationship breakdown which potentially benefits nobody.