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Original poster

Friend needs money, I have money - WWYD?

39 replies

trebleclef101 · 24/07/2016 11:23

My closest friend has just found out that his moped needs £800 worth of repairs, money that he really can't afford right now. It's pretty much a right off so he is looking to buy a new one as he needs one to get to work.

He also needs new glasses (his current ones are being held together by sellotape) and owes his dad about £500.

Obviously I know that this is not my problem, and whilst sympathetic it seems like a bad idea to get involved in someone else's money problems.

However, I could easily lend him around £500 and have been considering talking to him about it, but I'm not sure how he will react.

Does anyone have experience of lending money between friends? Did it get weird and awkward?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 24/07/2016 11:27

Yes. It gets really fucking awkward and it rarely, if ever ends well.

My advice would be decide if there is an amount you can afford to give your friend without any need or expectation that it will be returned. If you can, give him that.

JenLindley · 24/07/2016 11:27

Yes i have and what started as one emergency soon became a habit or at very least a 'pattern' of emergencies and in larger amounts. Some of which has been "forgotten" to pay back and so i dont lend to her anymore. I say I dont have it and tbf she has taken the hint and stopped asking. Not sure who is sorting out her emergencies now or if she has gotten a hold of her finances but i dont ask and she doesnt bring it up.

Dontlikejam · 24/07/2016 11:28

Nooooo. Don't do it.

LIZS · 24/07/2016 11:35

Only if you can afford it as a gift. You won't stay friends for long otherwise.

mailfuckoff · 24/07/2016 11:42

It's a gift not a loan. A friend of mine needed cash for an emergency, I had the money so got it too get as a loan. Didn't hear from her for many months so was a little put out but coped as I saw it as a gift. When we next met up months later the first thing she did was hand me the cash and apologise for the delay. I handed it back and said it was a gift. Never loan more then you can afford to give.

228agreenend · 24/07/2016 11:43

Only do it if you can afford to loose the money. There are too many threads on mn about people who have loaned money with people promising to,pay it back, arranging payment plans, and then never seeing the money again.

You can get cheap glasses online now, for under £30. All you need is your prescription details.

Can he get a loan for the repairs or new motorbike.

Why does he owe his dad £500?

I think offering the money will change the nature of your friendship and many people have lost best friends in similar situations,

JenLindley · 24/07/2016 11:45

Does he need the moped? Could he use a bike until he saves up for a new moped?

Leslieknope45 · 24/07/2016 11:45

I lent a friend £600 and she said she would give it to me on her next pay day. She earned nmw so obviously that was unrealistic- I asked for £150 a month instead. It took over a year to get my money back. I don't regret lending it as she needed the money, but I actually just wish I could have afforded to give it to her and write it off as because I had to keep nagging her for the cash, we are no longer friends.

sofato5miles · 24/07/2016 11:46

Gift it or don't do it.

UnexpectedBaggage · 24/07/2016 11:47

Just don't. You'll lose a friend.

lovelyupnorth · 24/07/2016 11:47

Agree with either gift it or don't do it. Friends / family worst to lend money too.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 24/07/2016 11:50

Agree with just don't do it.
I lent money to a 'friend' and was royally fucked over.
Dh lent money to a different 'friend' and has also been royally fucked over.
I can only assume a trend.

areyoubeingserviced · 24/07/2016 11:54

Totally agree with all the posters who say that you should only give what you can afford as a gift,
Dodgy territory,money lending.

TheUnsullied · 24/07/2016 11:55

No, I wouldn't. And I say that as someone with money difficulties myself. You lending money would solve an immediate problem but if they're pretty hand-to-mouth (as implied by the lack of any savings) then getting the money back to you will stressful at best and impossible at worst. It changes the power balance too because one of you owes the other something tangible. If you can't afford it as a gift, don't give the money and just be sympathetic instead.

oldestmumaintheworld · 24/07/2016 11:55

Don't ever do this, it will be unlikely to end well. Your friend already has a £500 debt which has not been repaid and that says it all for me.

Alfieisnoisy · 24/07/2016 11:56

Tbh OP it depends on whether you can afford to lose it or not.

A friend of mine was very down on his uppers...he lost his job (just a zero hours contract but they no longer needed him) and in the time it took to get benefits up and running again (as a single man he gets UC and a five week wait before anything) he fell into serious debt with council tax and rent.

A mutual friend we know loaned him £500 but was very clear that it was an open ended repayment. Initially he refused as he had no way of knowing if he could pay it back and the friend then said it didn't matter if they never got it back.

My friend is back in work now and has repaid half the money. He is also doing some odd jobs for them free of charge some weekends to repay.

My friend would not have worried if she had not got the money back.

If you can do the same then it's fine but otherwise steer clear.

But....how nice that you are even considering it. Flowers

SparkleSoiree · 24/07/2016 12:00

If he doesn't have the money now for any of his issues it's highly unlikely you will get your money back anytime soon.

Friends, money, etc is always a mine field. Give it to him if you can afford to but if you lend it to him it may create all sorts of issues in the future...

Doinmummy · 24/07/2016 12:05

I wouldn't lend it or give it as a gift .

If you lend it , he may not pay it back causing resentment .

If you give it as a gift and he spends it on something else (holiday ) it will cause resentment .

Friendships + money problems = trouble

HermioneWeasley · 24/07/2016 12:13

Do you have at least 6 months income saved? If not, you're not in a position to lend or gift anything.

Agree with others, it's likely to make the relationship weird and he already has debts so not a good prospect

Graceflorrick · 24/07/2016 12:14

Never lend money you can't afford to lose!

pinkyredrose · 24/07/2016 12:15

If you do then you'll probably never see the money again. He sounds crap with money and he's already in debt. Why can't he use public transport?

FaFoutis · 24/07/2016 12:16

Don't.

Atenco · 24/07/2016 12:20

I think, when it comes to loans, it is better to lend a small amount first. When you know they are good about paying back, then you can lend more. Banks here in Mexico charge incredibly high interest rates, so I do like to lend money on occasion because it makes me so angry that they should get rich on the back of so much misery.

Lottielou7 · 24/07/2016 12:22

I think you should never lend money unless you'd be happy to never see it again. As others have said - if you want to give it as a gift then do that but otherwise no way.

Naoko · 24/07/2016 12:25

i have lent money to a friend before, but wouldn't to just any friend. I love the friend in question like a brother, we are very close. He also didn't ask for the money and never would; I offered off my own back and could've stood to lose it if he'd been unable to repay it - but I know he is the kind of person who will do whatever it takes to give people what he owes them, so was never worried. So if you want to help your friend, you trust him, and you wouldn't get in trouble yourself if he never pays it back, then I would. If he's a pisstaker or you don't know him all that well, probably not.