Friend needs money, I have money - WWYD?

[trebleclef101]

My closest friend has just found out that his moped needs £800 worth of repairs, money that he really can't afford right now. It's pretty much a right off so he is looking to buy a new one as he needs one to get to work.

He also needs new glasses (his current ones are being held together by sellotape) and owes his dad about £500.

Obviously I know that this is not my problem, and whilst sympathetic it seems like a bad idea to get involved in someone else's money problems.

However, I could easily lend him around £500 and have been considering talking to him about it, but I'm not sure how he will react.

Does anyone have experience of lending money between friends? Did it get weird and awkward?

Honestly, I wouldn't - it will spoil your friendship.

Either give him the money or don't lend it to him.

He already owes his own dad a substantial amount of money.

If you do want to help him, work with him on living within a budget and how to get savings.
If he is ok with it, you could sit down with him and an excel sheet and work out where his money goes to.

I've lent money to friends, but a small amount that I didn't mind "losing" (I put it in the same category as giving to charity) and didn't lend more until it was repaid.

I don't agree at all with the idea that you can tell whether someone is going to be a pisstaker or not. Or that you can know someone well enough to judge.

Money, money troubles, have a huge effect on people and even people you like and trust can manage to persuade themselves that there is a logical reason why they are behaving badly about money.

The reason I always give rather than lend now is exactly that sad reality - that people in extremis will struggle to recognise they are being unreasonable - they just won't see it.
Really nice people with reasonable morals will still surprise you - sadly.

I'd rather write off the money rather than deal with the awkwardness and worse, the disappointment when people you care about disappoint.

Giving people money is joyful. Lending people money is usually awful.

I agree with Pag.

But it can depend on the person or situation. I would have given my friend the money straight off, except that I think she'd feel worse about it - proud woman and would feel like a charity case, I think. I think she was happy when she could pay back. And I always reassured her that I didn't need it and she could pay when she could.

If you were to give your friend the 500 pounds, you could tell him that he could repay you when he earns more than X, or he was a decent amount of savings, for example.

Still, as a rule, I'd think that unless this was a particularly bad period, he'd benefit more from budgeting and saving than from loans.

I still think even giving the money as a gift is asking for trouble .

Will it upset the balance of your friendship ? Will your friend feel inferior ? Will you feel superior ?

Will you get all judgey if they piss it up the wall ? (I know I would)

Will you feel resentful if they buy themselves anything new because they've pleaded poverty and you've bailed them out ?

How much money do you have though? If £500 is all your savings you would be mad to lend it. If you have £50k of savings then go ahead and lend the £500. You have to be able to afford to lose it and not feel resentment over the loss.

I've also found, in broad terms with honorable and dishonorable exceptions, that men are much worse about paying back loans.

Agree only give him money as a gift, not a loan. Because frankly, if he could afford to pay it back, he could borrow through legitimate channels. If he owes his dad £500, that's a sign he's got history of having big spend crisis, borrowing what he can't afford to pay back then borrowing again to pay that back.

If he has a spare £50/100 a month after bills are paid each month, then either he'd have already paid back his dad or have a savings cushion for things like glasses and moped. If he is in the habit of spending to his limit or doesn't have any "give" in his monthly budget, it's unlikely you'll get your money back, without him having to borrow elsewhere for it.

Be sympathetic, but no loans, gifts or nothing. He's in enough mess without another debt to you.

Totally agree with every one else - twice we have fallen for sob stories and lent over £1k - once to a friend and once to a relative. We have never seen the money again. We are not destitute because the loans haven't been repaid but we are disappointed, particularly by the relative whom we still see spending happily now that he is earning a good wage.

Sounds like a bottomless pit.

Gift him some of you can afford it. But never expect to loan and be repaid. Therein will lie heartache.

Don't do it. Few years ago l loaned a friend 500. She had been well off but due to recession had fallen on hard times. Two deadlines for paying me back went by. Things got so awkward between us. I started feeling resentful if she said they went out for a meal or something. Having been well off she was great at reducing most costs but blowing money on ridiculous things. One night she said l will have money next week. I said it's OK keep it as a gift. We were lucky to be able resume a normal friendship but it was awkward and embarrassing to be in the situation. Never again. Gift or nothing.
My dh has never lent anyone money nut over the years he gifted many people. He then had to give up work through illness. All those people came out of the woodwork to buy him lunch treat him and much more saying they remembered his generosity in hard times. So gift it is.

The old saying never a lender or a borrower be works for me. Mostly people see it as an open door to favours in the future.

Hmm, pretty overwhelming response not to then!

His friendship is too important to me to risk it getting weird so I will leave it.

Thanks for the suggestions for glasses, transport and budgeting though, will run a few past him and help out that way instead