Neighbours have crashed their car and are blaming the kids!

[smileyhappypeople]

Bit of background/relevant info

We live in a small t shaped cul de sac. There are 12 houses but they all sit along the top of the 'T'
It's a new build estate so 4 of the houses to the right are on a shared driveway and the 4 houses to the left are on a shared driveway with 4 houses in the middle.
It's a new build estate so our whole road is coloured red as a sort of 'pedestrian zone' or something (not entirely sure) but there are no paths around the road only driveways and gardens. As with most new build estates, the houses, gardens, driveways are on top of each other so very little space.
We live in the far right hand corner on the shared driveway.
There is only 2/3 spaces that you can really get away with parking on the actual road and they are at the end of our shared driveway.
Both of these spaces are usually taken up by huge work pick up trucks and there are sometimes various cars parked behind etc. Little bit of a pain for sight when reversing but not worth complaining about.
We have 2 children that play out on their bikes etc. There is another child that plays out from our side with our kids then there are a couple of children who stay in our road with their dad every other weekend that play out. All the other children that play in our street are from the street in front because theirs is the main road into the estate so not as quiet.

I am a childminder so I have parents that pick up and drop off at my house twice a day (3 of them max! Although last year it was sometimes upto 6 but that was a long time ago.)
We have the biggest piece of driveway as we are the end so we technically have 4 parking spaces.

Today my little boy (6) and his friend next door came in crying their eyes out because the lady down the road (one of the 4 middle houses) had crashed her car into another car whilst reversing off her drive and had shouted at them and said it was all their fault.
I went out to see what had happened to be faced with this ladies husband shouting that it was the kids fault she had crashed and we just let them run wild on the road etc etc. I will admit I got defensive and (not my finest moment) shouted back at him that it was not the kids fault that his wife wasn't looking where she was driving! (She hadn't swerved to miss them or anything, I can only assume that she was paying more attention to the kids so she didn't squish them and did not see the other car behind her.)
I spoke to the children afterwards and explained that they need to be careful and keep out of the way of cars but my little boy is adamant that he was not behind the car or in the way.
Anyway, he was screaming and shouting at us telling us that we speed round the corners and up the road (the road is literally about 6 metres long before you turn into drive!) and that we park all over the roads etc etc. I was gobsmacked as we certainly do not do any of these things and neither do any of my parents! If anything it's the trucks that block all the parking and other peoples kids that are always playing in the street that run wild. He then went on to ask if I even have permission to run a business with all these kids etc.
I told him I didn't want to speak to him anymore and went inside.
We were getting ready to go out for the day and so we were loading the car when the neighbour next door to him was pointing and mouthing off so when we reversed off the drive I stopped the car and apologised for shouting and that I was just annoyed. Que screaming and shouting from her that we speed all over the road and she would never let her kids on the road, I calmly told her that I would not let my 2 year old on the road either and wished her luck keeping her own daughter on her 6ft driveway when she is old enough to ride a bike and run around.
Now wwyd? Do I just leave it and let them all hate us? They clearly already did anyway did wonder why they never smile or wave back to me when I'm passing or do I go round or send a letter apologising for shouting and explaining that I'm hurt that they would attack us like that for no reason and that they would have the right to judge us when they haven't ever bothered to even say hello so actually don't know us at all....
If the latter how do I word it/say it???
I'm so gutted as I have always been respectful of the neighbours, especially when it comes to the childminding as I know it can be annoying. We are always the first ones out to tell the kids to quieten down or stay off people's driveways etc.
I should probably mention that we rent too... Although so do 2 other house on the road I think. But it is a private estate in a nice area so I do think some people can be judgy about renters which is annoying when we probably pay more in rent than they do in mortgage and spend more time looking after the house so we don't get kicked out!

Sorry that is super long!

I think this thread needs a diagram.

You were at great pains to explain how many cars park down the road and how tight it is with great big vans. The last thing anybody needs is an unsupervised 6 year old playing in the road. Roads are for cars, not kids, and if you did the job I do then you would appreciate that and not let them play about in the road because you would see it can go wrong in an instant and your kid will always come off worst. Youve already said this is a built up area with lots of cars and large vans, it isnt a nice quiet 1930s built cul de sac where everyone has their own driveway.

In my opinion you owe your neighbours an apology and keep your kid in your garden from now on or take him to the park. 6 year olds cant be trusted to show road sense 100% of the time.

A road with trucks parked at odd angles and cars reversing round them and down long drives is never going to be an appropriate place for children to play, However you dress it up.

It's still 100% her fault. She was the driver and so she is the one who should have been taking care.

Poor kids.

Sounds like it's been bubbling for a while for them to get so annoyed.

When you said you "wished her good luck keeping her kids on a driveway when they are old enough to play outside" how is it luck? Just tell them they can't, surely? It's not luck that stops you allowing your mindees onto the drive. If Year 1 kids were allowed to play in the school car park without supervision, the school would be closed down.

It isn't your kids fault that she had an accident, they don't need to apologise. It's your risk that you took that this happened. You can't expect 6 year olds to anticipate cars manoeuvring around trucks.

I think everyone is a bit hung up on the kids playing out.... They have friends all along the street... To get from our drive to theirs they have to cross along in front of the other houses/driveways to get to them. Unfortunately there is no path so they have to ride along the road. They can not ride across the other side due to trucks/cars parked and they would have to cross the actual entrance in to the street. From the end of our shared drive to the end of the other there are 4 houses... None of them have bushes or fences etc so you can literally see everything from one end to the other. This lady would be able to see the children perfectly well and the children would be able to see the car perfectly well.
I do not think that the children were in her way at all she was just watching them more closely (as anyone would and I am grateful for this). However before she had even got into her car she would have been able to see ALL of the dangers because the road is so open.

I'm so pissed off because this was clearly a very personal attack when in reality children, parking, lack of space etc etc is just a general problem in the street.
I came home last night to find her son had parked his car at an almost 45 deg angle to her driveway in the middle of the road instead of pulling on to the actual drive... It actually looked abandoned! So they are clearly also part of the problem. People in glass houses and all that.

And just to repeat! I DO NOT let any minded children play in the street! This was a Saturday when my own child was out playing

Think if I see her I might just apologise for shouting let her know why I was so upset and agree with her that some of the children and parking is crazy round here.
We know it is, me and my hubby have spoke about it before but we have always acknowledged it as no one in particulars fault apart from the council and the builders!

I have lived in a very similar set up to you. T shaped close, four houses to the left, four to the right, four in the middle with a short road leading in. The middle bit was all allocated parking (no paths or front gardens, bar a couple of bushes).

I hated living there, the reason why - people allowed their children to play out in the communal parking area as if it was a playground.

It is/was a parking area for cars, not a playground for children.

Some of the parents would shout at others for "driving too fast" as the children were playing nearby and the other residents would complain that the children would run out in front of peoples cars as they tried to park or leave, etc.

The situation got really ugly and police got involved. The police told the parents that it was a PARKING AREA not a playground and that they shouldn't be allowing their children to play on what is essentially a road.

So, I would say that whilst it's not really your fault your neighbour crashed, you shouldn't be letting your children play in a parking area nor put your neighbour in the position that she had children running around whilst she was trying to drive.

I am sure you have a garden, let your children play in there or take them to the park. A parking area is not a playground.

You don't seem to answer the point that it just doesn't sound like a safe place to play. Trucks, builders, major parking problems and no path are just some of the problems you have mentioned. Why would you want children to play there?

I don't understand why you are so adamantly insisting that children you child mind do not go out there, but your own do.