Neighbours have crashed their car and are blaming the kids!

[smileyhappypeople]

Bit of background/relevant info

We live in a small t shaped cul de sac. There are 12 houses but they all sit along the top of the 'T'
It's a new build estate so 4 of the houses to the right are on a shared driveway and the 4 houses to the left are on a shared driveway with 4 houses in the middle.
It's a new build estate so our whole road is coloured red as a sort of 'pedestrian zone' or something (not entirely sure) but there are no paths around the road only driveways and gardens. As with most new build estates, the houses, gardens, driveways are on top of each other so very little space.
We live in the far right hand corner on the shared driveway.
There is only 2/3 spaces that you can really get away with parking on the actual road and they are at the end of our shared driveway.
Both of these spaces are usually taken up by huge work pick up trucks and there are sometimes various cars parked behind etc. Little bit of a pain for sight when reversing but not worth complaining about.
We have 2 children that play out on their bikes etc. There is another child that plays out from our side with our kids then there are a couple of children who stay in our road with their dad every other weekend that play out. All the other children that play in our street are from the street in front because theirs is the main road into the estate so not as quiet.

I am a childminder so I have parents that pick up and drop off at my house twice a day (3 of them max! Although last year it was sometimes upto 6 but that was a long time ago.)
We have the biggest piece of driveway as we are the end so we technically have 4 parking spaces.

Today my little boy (6) and his friend next door came in crying their eyes out because the lady down the road (one of the 4 middle houses) had crashed her car into another car whilst reversing off her drive and had shouted at them and said it was all their fault.
I went out to see what had happened to be faced with this ladies husband shouting that it was the kids fault she had crashed and we just let them run wild on the road etc etc. I will admit I got defensive and (not my finest moment) shouted back at him that it was not the kids fault that his wife wasn't looking where she was driving! (She hadn't swerved to miss them or anything, I can only assume that she was paying more attention to the kids so she didn't squish them and did not see the other car behind her.)
I spoke to the children afterwards and explained that they need to be careful and keep out of the way of cars but my little boy is adamant that he was not behind the car or in the way.
Anyway, he was screaming and shouting at us telling us that we speed round the corners and up the road (the road is literally about 6 metres long before you turn into drive!) and that we park all over the roads etc etc. I was gobsmacked as we certainly do not do any of these things and neither do any of my parents! If anything it's the trucks that block all the parking and other peoples kids that are always playing in the street that run wild. He then went on to ask if I even have permission to run a business with all these kids etc.
I told him I didn't want to speak to him anymore and went inside.
We were getting ready to go out for the day and so we were loading the car when the neighbour next door to him was pointing and mouthing off so when we reversed off the drive I stopped the car and apologised for shouting and that I was just annoyed. Que screaming and shouting from her that we speed all over the road and she would never let her kids on the road, I calmly told her that I would not let my 2 year old on the road either and wished her luck keeping her own daughter on her 6ft driveway when she is old enough to ride a bike and run around.
Now wwyd? Do I just leave it and let them all hate us? They clearly already did anyway did wonder why they never smile or wave back to me when I'm passing or do I go round or send a letter apologising for shouting and explaining that I'm hurt that they would attack us like that for no reason and that they would have the right to judge us when they haven't ever bothered to even say hello so actually don't know us at all....
If the latter how do I word it/say it???
I'm so gutted as I have always been respectful of the neighbours, especially when it comes to the childminding as I know it can be annoying. We are always the first ones out to tell the kids to quieten down or stay off people's driveways etc.
I should probably mention that we rent too... Although so do 2 other house on the road I think. But it is a private estate in a nice area so I do think some people can be judgy about renters which is annoying when we probably pay more in rent than they do in mortgage and spend more time looking after the house so we don't get kicked out!

Sorry that is super long!

Ok, so you have misjudged things. You thought all of your children and mindees were playing in an area which is safe, and they were not annoying anyone, and they did not need supervision. To be honest, that really was an unreasonable assumption, but never mind, it was an honest mistake.

You now fully realise that letting them out unsupervised here is not only very unsafe, but they are making a thorough nuisance of themselves to more than one other neighbour.

Apologise fully, say you made a mistake, now supervise your children properly when they play outside.

and get rid of that chip on your shoulder about renting. Why would anyone else know or care?

How many children do you have playing out? Do they all know to move when they see a car, some of the kids that play out on our road will not move when they see a car. They will just happily sit in their bike at the end of people's drive while everyone has to wait for them.

Nobody on the road likes their families either! There are 75 houses and two that cause disruption for the rest of us.

I don't think renting is the issue, it's the DCs playing in the road and the child minding.

DCs playing in the road can be noisy and a bit of a hazard, maybe that's what's annoying the other neighbours. I hope you don't let the minded ones play in the road, as a parent I'd be furious if you did that.

If there are a lot of vehicles parked in a small area then it isn't fair to neighbours to expect them to look out for YOUR DCs. If they are playing out you should be out there with them so you can call them to your drive is someone is driving in or out.

Ask your clients to park further away and walk to collect their DCs.

I don't think we can judge who was at fault here - your biggest mistake was to add to the anger by ranting yourself. In hindsight you should have taken a deep breath and attempted to calm everything down and find out exactly what happened. You are taking the word of your 6 year old at face value, I would always take what my 6 year old says with a pinch of salt. I also can't imagine letting her play out unsupervised, she probably would make some bad choices. I would leave it now but if anyone approaches you with a problem again swallow your pride and your anger and try listening to them. Maybe they are being snobby about the childminding and the renting but you won't know unless you listen to their side will you?

Op as others have said it is likely that your 6yo has a different perspective than the adults. I would say that 6 is too young for playing on the street and that the cm and renting is a red herring, I wonder if there have been other close shaves you are not aware of.

OP - don't apologise. The neighbour brought you in to it wrongly - she is the only one responsible for the accident, which has nothing to do with you or your children.

If you apologise they'll take you for a doormat.

Ignore. Completely.

I live in a cul de sac too, and one where all the kids play out together from a young age. If I crash my car, no matter what the kids are doing, it is my responsibility.

But there seems to be more to this than this one incident if everyone is bitching about it so it might be worth having a chat with other neighbours to see if others find the way your kids play when they're out difficult.

The kids in my cul de sac seem very road aware and move out of the way of my driveway the minute they see me driving down the road. I still do worry about one of them running out unexpectedly so drive about 5-10 miles an hour at our end of the road.

It's just irresponsible to let kids as young as SIX play in the road.

Every year there are stories in the news about children crushed beneath reversing cars.

Yeah, OP, I would probably keep my head down for a bit and hope it blows over. I presume you do have landlord permission to run your childminding business though? Also, with the speeding, maybe they are talking about speeding on the estate generally, even if the cul de sac is too short to speed.

I think 6 is possibly ok for a cul de sac - we definitely played out from that age in the 90s. It depends a bit on what your child is like, my 4.5 year old is almost ready but obviously too young, but will definitely be OK by 6.

Really it's the woman's fault as if she felt unsafe with the kids around her then she should have stopped and addressed the danger first before moving.

However 6 is too young to be outside on a road unsupervised - I've got a 7 year old and I'd never let her out on her bike alone in the road. I wouldn't even let her play outside the garden unattended

It's the woman's fault for crashing.
But, if everyone is pissed off by your DC and mindees playing on the street, I would address that and change the way i was doing things.

I think youre an absolute fool to let a 6 year old play in an already hazardous road.

I live on a t shaped cul de sac, but parking is better than what you've described. Dc and their friends play out but it's quiet and everyone tends to reverse into their drives so they're driving out forwards. It doesn't sound very safe tbh. You've done nothing wrong though.

We are always the first ones out to tell the kids to quieten down or stay off people's driveways etc.

This bit is why your neighbours might be pissed off as it suggests the DC are being noisy and going onto other people's drives in the first place. Otherwise you wouldn't have to tell them to stop.

Re the accident, she probably was keeping an eye on the DC and misjudged her reversal. Very annoying but she has to take the blame. She probably knows that and is cross with herself.

OP I would send an email through to OFSTED detailing the incident and that no mindees were involved. Also mention the complaints about your parents parking and how you have addressed it. This will hopefully cover your end incase a maliscous complaint is made against you.
I do think I would be annoyed if I was your neighbours to be fair. As a fellow childminder I always try to be extra neighbourly and keep my own children in their own garden to minimise annoyance. Our neighbours put up with more than a non cm family and I think they deserve extra respect.

I don't think your child should be out playing at the front of your house tbh.

If your going to apologise, it needs to be with a "but'. Forget everything else, just apologise and say you will keep your kids out the back from now on.

without a 'but"

Sorry been out all day so not replied....
Firstly, minded children NEVER play out, the ones I have currently are all aged 3 and under anyway but I've never let minded kids play out of the garden
Secondly, it is generally (or so I thought) actually an extremely quiet/safe road
Thirdly, we were out supervising as we were packing the car to go out so front door was open and we were in and out. However, we do let them play out with the front door open but us not actually out.
When I say we are always the first people out, I didn't mean we are out all the time I meant more hypothetically we would be if there was a problem, our children are well behaved, know how to be polite etc. When we first moved in our son was told off by a neighbour because he sat on their grass (other side of driveway so he didn't actually know it was theirs) but he hasn't sat on it again.... That kind of thing.
I think I am just pissed off that they blamed just the kids when actually the big trucks park almost directly in front of her driveway meaning she has to reverse at an awkward angle and the car she hit was parked in front of next doors driveway meaning she would have had to reverse in a weird kind of 'a' shape manoeuvre.. This was probably more of a problem than the kids if that makes sense.
Just feel them bringing everything else into it means they clearly have a bigger problem...

I reversed my car into a brick wall a couple of years ago because I was paying more attention to the sodding kids cycling up and down the road.

However, they weren't to blame, they weren't doing anything wrong, it was totally my fault as I wasn't properly looking where the car was going.

As long as your dc and his mate weren't being a pain then you have nothing to worry about!

I think it's more the fact that it was a personal attack to us.... If I had gone out and she had said the kids had rode behind the car and caused her to swerve or had just said I was too busy watching the kids and didn't see the car then I would have apologised and made a point of telling the kids to be careful etc. But I still wouldn't have accepted it was entirely their fault...
There was many factors (including the kids) so if she wanted to blame the neighbours she should have been knocking on the doors of the truck owners and the parents of all the other kids etc.
Having said that I do have some sympathy because there are kids who play in our street who do not have any road sense at all....

And to all the pp who have mentioned about not playing in the road and to stay on our drive bit... This is still the road. Everyone sends their kids to play on our drive because it's 'safe' and the neighbours who were having a rant at 1am this morning were explaining to each other that they always tell their kids to stay on the shared drive bit. this bit is still a road! We still have to reverse all the way down it and round the trucks and other cars and avoid all the kids and the scooters and skateboards etc and we have never crashed or complained!
I think I will just leave it unless anyone mentions it... I may apologise for shouting back if I see her in the street
Those who mentioned about my minders parents, I guess I can't say whether they ever speed or not really as we are in the house so I don't see them come down the drive. I finish childminding next week so hopefully that will help. If it is the parents I wish they had just come and knocked and I would have absolutely passed on the message!