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Original poster

To hold my brother's baby or not?

45 replies

livelyredjellybean · 03/07/2016 08:05

Dilemma!
My brother's baby - my first neice - is due any time next week. In my 28 years on this planet, I am yet to hold a baby.
My dilemma however is this; I am 17 weeks pregnant myself. Do I hold my lovely new neice (and get some practice in!) or wait until my own child is born so he/she is the first baby I hold?? WWYD????

OP posts:
cosmicglittergirl · 03/07/2016 08:07

Def hold your brother's baby. I can't see why you wouldn't.

hazelnutlatte · 03/07/2016 08:07

Are you mad? You can't not hold your baby niece! Unless they live in Australia or something and you left that part out?

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 03/07/2016 08:08

Hold your lovely new niece! Your own baby will be special anyway - holding your own will not be tarnished by having held other babies before. Flowers

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Timeforabiscuit · 03/07/2016 08:10

You dont want to drop your own baby on the first try do you? Wink

waitinglistquery · 03/07/2016 08:13

Definitely hold your niece - it would be very weird not to! And I say that as someone who was very much not keen on holding babies before I had my own.

They could be quite hurt if you refuse to hold their baby. And holding your own baby will be special no matter how many you've held before.

ScarletForYa · 03/07/2016 08:16

Hold your brothers baby for sure!

RadicalPessimist · 03/07/2016 08:17

Nothing will compare to cuddling your baby for the first time. It doesn't matter if you've held one baby before or a hundred babies. It will be hugely special.

It would be silly to refuse to hold your brother's baby. I was well into my pregnancy with DD1 before I held a baby. In fact the first baby I held belonged to someone to had done NCT classes with me. It didn't occur to me to refuse and it was lovely. Nothing like holding my own DD though. Smile

LynetteScavo · 03/07/2016 08:19

No, you should spend the next 5 months totally avoiding your brothers baby. And then avoid all other babies so your second child is the second baby you ever hold. Hmm

Sleeperandthespindle · 03/07/2016 08:20

I'd never held a baby until my niece. I was pregnant with DD at the time and she kept kicking the baby as I held her! Never crossed my mind not to.

MustStopAndThinkBeforePosting · 03/07/2016 08:21

You heart will brim over with love for your new niece and that will be lovely - but don't worry, you will find you have 100 times more love for your own baby when the time comes. How lucky these two cousins are going to be, being so close in age they will have some fab childhood memories.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell · 03/07/2016 08:24

You've never held a baby?
And are you bonkers?

LeonoraFlorence · 03/07/2016 08:26

Of course, hold your brothers baby! Not your own DD but still pretty special Smile When you hold your own baby for the first time, nothing compares to it anyway, no matter how many other babies you've held.

Tworingsandamicrowave · 03/07/2016 08:29

Is this for real? [hmmm]

Tworingsandamicrowave · 03/07/2016 08:29

Hmm even!

Original poster
livelyredjellybean · 03/07/2016 08:32

We do live a few hundred miles apart and I don't get to visit very often, so it's not like I would be refusing to hold her etc but seeing them often.
I know that not holding my neice really won't offend my brother or his wife; until I fell pregnant I was absolutely anti baby and wasn't going to hold her anyway!
Thank you all for your replies, think I am going to have to get brave and hold my lovely little neice Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
livelyredjellybean · 03/07/2016 08:34

Yes tworings, it is completely real!
Not everyone has been into babies for years and to be perfectly honest I am totally teriffied about holding a baby, let alone having one!! I have never wanted a baby before and growing up in a small family, I havent ever been around them to hold one before.

OP posts:
MrsSchulman · 03/07/2016 08:37

When I had a baby, I didn't wonder if anyone wanted to hold her or not, I just assumed they did as she was so damn adorable. The baby was tossed in their direction almost immediately. If someone had said they were saving themselves for their own baby I would have been agog.

When dh took the baby into his office he didn't know everyone would want a hold so he didn't offer and someone asked. Then she was passed around the whole place and he didn't understand what was going on. He didn't realise they would all want a hold of her.

waitinglistquery · 03/07/2016 08:37

Good decision! DD1 was the first baby in our family and I loved seeing my brother and sister hold her even though I'm sure my brother would quite happily have declined 😁

Vri123 · 03/07/2016 08:38

When it comes to your own baby, you don't need practice, just empathy. It will be second nature within hours.

It would be very weird not to hold your DN, so I am glad you aren't going to make it all about you when they introduce their child.

Jessbow · 03/07/2016 08:38

AND when she's older you can tell her that she really was the very first baby that you ever held- I think that's something quite special, something for you and she to treasure.

''Billy was still in my tummy/not even born ( whatever terminology you use) so you were the very first real baby I held''

I'd be well pleased if an aunt had ever told me that.

An aunt once told me '' we spent that first Christmas passing you around as you wouldn't stop grizzling''

Nice! But its a memory, and I treasure it.

OldFarticus · 03/07/2016 08:43

lively you sound perfectly normal to me. Of course hold your niece - but it's fine to be terrified as well. Grin

If it makes you feel better I am also 17 weeks preggo and have only held babies over 3 months old - I am terrified of the whole neck support thing and getting it wrong. I am clumsy as hell too. DH has held one baby and someone took a picture for me because it's so funny - he looks appalled and is holding it up, harvest festival-offering style, with beads of sweat on his forehead. We are going to be GREAT parents! Hmm

Hopefully we will both have our big girl pants on before our LO's arrive!

Original poster
livelyredjellybean · 03/07/2016 08:49

I'm genuinely sorry if I've offended anyone. I know that when my little one arrives I'm not going to be offering him/her around to be held... and I honestly wouldn't be offended if someone didn't want to hold him/her, so I guess I struggle to see why others would be offended by declining to hold a baby.

OP posts:
VioletBam · 03/07/2016 08:59

It's not "someone" it's your BROTHER! This is your relative! The child will know you as it's Aunt!

Shock you will need to get a lot less precious OP. Maybe it's your hormones?

Original poster
livelyredjellybean · 03/07/2016 08:59

Thank you, Oldfarticus - makes me feel a hell of a lot better! At least my lovely DP has a little more experience than me with small people...
If you manage to locate the secret "big girl pants" drawer, definitely let me know where it is!! Hehe.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 03/07/2016 08:59

I am very surprised by this question. I can sort of see your logic, but I can't agree with you

Get some practice in, bond with your niece, and also: I think that maybe you are exaggerating the magical qualities of being a mother. Try not to build it up too much and it can't disappoint if it's not what you dream of

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