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Original poster

To hold my brother's baby or not?

45 replies

livelyredjellybean · 03/07/2016 08:05

Dilemma!
My brother's baby - my first neice - is due any time next week. In my 28 years on this planet, I am yet to hold a baby.
My dilemma however is this; I am 17 weeks pregnant myself. Do I hold my lovely new neice (and get some practice in!) or wait until my own child is born so he/she is the first baby I hold?? WWYD????

OP posts:
Original poster
livelyredjellybean · 03/07/2016 09:02

Thanks, Jessbow, that is a nice way to think about it. Thank you for the encouragement!

OP posts:
WellErrr · 03/07/2016 09:03

Fuck me, this takes Precious First Born to a new level.

NotYoda · 03/07/2016 09:03

I am not saying, by the way, that holding your baby is not amazing - it's lovely. Holding any baby is a beautiful thing (IMO). But to decide ahead of time that you won't want others to hold your child, or that it's got to be this angels singing, rainbows- overhead thing is a bit unrealistic

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Vri123 · 03/07/2016 09:04

I am not offended in the least but I expect your sil would be.
Do yourself a favour and don't make decisions about how things will be after you've become a mother. Things change and you won't know what will feel right until you are doing it (and have met your child, who will be an individual with a mind of their own).

On a related note, don't buy that Contented Baby book as it's the fastest route to misery, unless your baby reads it too!

MrsJoeyMaynard · 03/07/2016 09:04

I held other babies before DC1 was born.

This did not in any way diminish the specialness of holding my very own baby for the first time.

As far as being offended by someone declining to hold a baby, a lot depends on how it's done.
"Oh, I'm nervous about holding babies / worried about dropping him / similar" - fine. It's hardly unusual for people unfamiliar with babies to be uncertain about holding one.
"Oh, no, it's a boy baby. I don't do boy babies" - not fine. I actually had that with DS2, and yes, essentially being told that the reason they didn't want to hold him was because he was the wrong sort of baby did offend me.

Parker231 · 03/07/2016 09:05

I don't understand - why wouldn't you want to hold your brother's baby? Are you not going to change their nappies/feed them/play with them?

Original poster
livelyredjellybean · 03/07/2016 09:05

NotYoda, I am really not seeing it like that at all. It is DEFINITELY more of a "what if I drop/hurt the baby", at least if the baby is mine I won't have a seriously pissed off parent yelling at me.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 03/07/2016 09:06

Ah Ok. You won't drop it Smile

Original poster
livelyredjellybean · 03/07/2016 09:07

Parker, I live hundreds of miles away so no, I am not really going to be involved in her care. I visit my family when finances allow, which usually isn't more than 3 or 4 times a year.

OP posts:
Original poster
livelyredjellybean · 03/07/2016 09:11

Vri, my SIL is very understanding about me and children. She has been with my brother for 10 years and we have discussed kids throughout that time; she knows I never wanted one, her and my brother were the most surprised about my own pregnancy. I have a very good relationship with my SIL, we are very open with each other and seem to understand each other well. She knows I wouldnt do anything to intentionally offend her or my brother.

OP posts:
trafalgargal · 03/07/2016 09:32

As you've never really taken any interest in babies before so feel a bit scared of your own inexperience you may as well regard your niece as a lovely opportunity to observe and practice a bit before your own little bundle arrives as you won't be the only person there for the baby the way you will be for your baby. There will always be someone to hand her back to so your first experiences can be as short as you are comfortable with. Sounds like a bit of a bonus.

Original poster
livelyredjellybean · 03/07/2016 09:38

Trafalgargal, thank you, that definitely is a great way to think about it - even if I am now feeling sick and extremely nervous about the arrival of mine!! Definitely going to need to take tips from my SIL...

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PovertyPain · 03/07/2016 09:44

I've nothing to add, regarding holding the baby, as it's all been said. I'm a bit shocked how some of the posters are coming across as taking it personally. Congratulations on your pregnancy and new niece/nephew. Flowers

Hawkmoth · 03/07/2016 09:47

D'you know what, I don't think I held a baby as an adult until I had my own. I just used to touch their lovely baby heads. Wish I'd had a bit of practice!

Original poster
livelyredjellybean · 03/07/2016 09:53

Thanks Hawksmoth for sharing your experience. And for all you lovely posters giving wisdom and support.
PovertyPain, thank you xx

OP posts:
MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 03/07/2016 09:54

Definitely hold her. The first baby I held was my DS. I didn't know what end did what!

BurningGubbins · 03/07/2016 10:06

I don't know what the big deal is about holding other people's babies and passing them around like toys to have a go on. I never assume that people want to hold mine, but fine if they want to, and I generally only hold theirs if they need a free hand to do something. I'm a bit surprised by some of the posts that come off like it's appalling not to hold a baby as it's not my experience.

Livvy79 · 03/07/2016 10:24

I'm so glad there's a thread about this!! I thought I was on my own being terrified of holding a baby. I'm 17 weeks pregnant and absolutely over the moon, but have only ever held one baby...she was 3 months old and I held her all wrong, felt like a bit of an idiot and handed her back. I only held her because she was thrust into my arms! I am scared about when my little one comes along, but I know I'll be fine with a bit of practice. I feel so much better that other people have the same worries. And feeling the way I do, I definitely won't be expecting everyone to be desperate to hold my baby, I'll wait till they ask.

NotYoda · 03/07/2016 11:21

I wish I'd had practice

I was a bit clueless

wornoutboots · 12/07/2016 15:44

I first held a baby in about 1980, I didn't have one until 2010.

it's NOT holding your niece which would be weird, IMHO.

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