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Original poster

Wedding- He's a day guest, I'm an evening guest.

67 replies

Mitta1109 · 21/05/2016 09:10

Hi all,

Mine and my partners mutual friends are getting married. They're a lovely couple we got to know from work as we are all teachers. My partner still works at the same school as Let's call him Bob. Me and 'Clare' now work together also at the same school.

Anyway, the wedding invites came but I was upset to see that only my partner is invited to the actual wedding and I only to the evening. They have asked my partner to film the day and therefore he is invited but not me. I think it's rude to give unequal invitations to couples full stop, but also the wedding is 60 miles away, meaning that we would have to book a hotel room. So my partner will go off for the day filming for them and I have to sit on my tod in the hotel and then make my own way to the festivities later.

I've been a bit upset about it and decided that I'm just not going. Partly because I think it's a bit rude but also I don't want to waste my whole day sat in a hotel room waiting to be invited when my partner (who I've been with longer than they've been together!) is at th wedding. My partner really wants me to go but I've told him the only way I'll go is if he politely declines to film them wedding, they can get someone else easily, and comes just in the evening with me.

Am I being unreasonable? I am quite hurt by it as I really thought we were close friends. I guess that my partner is only invited to the day because of the filming but I do think it's a little selfish to even ask him. I have been married before and I had to make loads of sacrifices and invite all sorts of people just to keep others happy and I feel that they're being a little unthoughtful. I know it's their day but it doesn't mean I have to go!

Advice please!

OP posts:

TheWitchesofIzalith · 30/05/2016 11:48

I think a lot depends on whether the OP's partner is actually formally 'invited' as a guest, or is he literally just there to provide the photography, as a favour?
If he's clearly been regarded as a guest as well, given a formal invitation etc, I think it's very rude not to invite the OP to the actual wedding, given the fact they all appear to be 'proper' friends with each other; she's not 'just' a partner of a friend that they don't really know. After all, it sounds like they all initially worked together at the same school, the two men still work at the same school and the rwo women are now together at another school. Most people pay even single guests the courtesy of adding a 'plus one' to their invitation so they can bring a companion that the wedding couple may or may not even know... so why on earth would they think it's ok to leave off an established partner that they actually do know?

On the other hand, if OP's partner is literally just there to film the wedding, and the 'proper' invitation is for the evening do, then that makes a bit more sense. Though, if it was my wedding I still would have invited OP as a) her partner is doing a big favour for me and he would like her company when he's not filming, and b) she is actually a friend.
Maybe wires have got crossed somewhere, and the Bride and Groom genuinely think they have formally invited OP and partner to evening do, but neither of them to the actual wedding, and don't realise how it is now looking to OP.

MrsMushrooms · 30/05/2016 11:57

YANBU, there's no way I'd go!

crje · 07/06/2016 09:19

This is very rude & grabby.

I think ye should reply saying ye forgot a prior arrangement & can't make it .

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings

seven201 · 08/06/2016 16:06

I don't think it's that bad. He's only been 'invited' to the day as he's doing the filming. Surely you're allowed to leave the hotel and go and have a day out?!

Hissy · 11/06/2016 11:50

Does your oh see how grabby this pair are? I'd tell them to shove it actually, or say that he doesn't want the responsibility of filming the wedding so therefore will decline and change his own invitation to a evening one.

Hissy · 11/06/2016 11:51

If they are not paying for the video, the least they can do is pay for the room you'll need to stay in!

2cats2many · 11/06/2016 11:57

He totally isn't 'invited' to the day do. He's filming for free and they're calling it an invite. Is he expected to film in the evening too?

Missgraeme · 28/07/2016 11:04

Go out for a posh night out and plaster pics on fb!! Cheeky buggers!!

MackerelOfFact · 28/07/2016 12:23

I'd say to them something like "on reflection we've decided it would make more sense for us both to travel up together for the evening, so unfortunately DH won't be available for filming. We haven't got the finances at the moment to justify the additional expense."

Hopefully they're realise their stinginess has cost them more money in the long run.

rookiemere · 30/07/2016 14:20

YANBU. That is so cheeky to invite him to film for the day and then just give you an evening invite.

I like mackerels response, or perhaps your DH could have fun with the filming, make sure the video camera is at an unflattering angle, encourage the wedding guests to do embarrassing moves for it, deliberately mess up the lighting.

Besides which it's a false economy getting the filming done by an amateur for free. My uncle filmed our wedding ( full invite of course) but then proceeded to get a bit tipsy and slag off our dancing on the first dance on camera, which DF then decided not to edit out of the final product. It's all quite funny and I don't really mind, but in retrospect perhaps it would have been better to pay a professional.

ShelaghTurner · 30/07/2016 14:27

Re the filming, DH and I were invited to a close family wedding and DH was asked to film as he's handy with a camera. Watched their video back a few months ago while clearing some stuff out and to all intents and purposes DH wasn't at the wedding. All the shots of me I'm on my own or with my parents. It's horrible, like he wasn't around. So if DH is filming a) don't expect to see him and b) I'd leave it and have a nice night in by myself. Even if DH is a 'real' guest he won't really be.

ivykaty44 · 30/07/2016 14:32

Extremely rude to ask a couple to different parts of a wedding party - for the reasons given. You would surely travel together etc.

Tell them you can't logistically jugglevthuer party invites therefore you will both come to the evening.

Let them work out that if your do isn't there in the day he won't be filming

NameChange30 · 30/07/2016 14:37

I wouldn't go.
If he is filming their wedding for free he's doing them a massive favour and the least they could do is invite both of you to the whole thing.
A professional videographer would costs a damn sight more than one extra day guest!
They are tight bastards and I think he should either decline the invite completely or tell them that he doesn't want to go without you.

CrimpyMeerkat · 26/04/2018 13:43

Wow so glad this isn't just me lol. Me and my partner are invited to a wedding. (Today) turns out that I'm not allowed to come till the evening. They said about 8pm 😂 he's gone to the wedding all day. It's a drive away so he's driven his car, will be highly In toxited by the time I arrive no doubt. I'm having to drive there tonight, so I'm the driver to get us home and well his car can stay their. He can sort collecting it now lol. Feel so stupid strolling in mid party on my own to seek out a drunk partner. He got offended when I just told him I arrive at 11pm ready to leave for midnight when it ends 😂 I have work and son staying at home with his Nanny. Oh yeah he wasn't invited either. You'll find me propped up at the bar with an orange juice clock watching haha

spudlet7 · 28/04/2018 17:28

What are you going to do OP?

emmyrose2000 · 24/05/2018 04:48

I certainly wouldn't be going, and if your partner has an ounce of decency in him, he wouldn't be going either. Why does he think it's okay for them to treat you like this?

Does he realise that the only reason he's been invited to the day part is that they want him as free labour? He needs to tell them 'no', he won't be filming for free. See how quickly they downgrade him to night only then. But, as I said earlier, if he's decent, he needs to decline anyway in light of their rudeness to you.

emmyrose2000 · 24/05/2018 04:49

Oops, just noticed that this was a resurrected zombie thread.

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