Should I tell mum her 6yr old DD is shaping up to be ‘that girl?’

[vandasma]

My DD has a few times mentioned that a girl in her class likes kissing boys and her nick name now is “KissyLilly” (not her real name).

I’ve seen her ‘in action’ at a few birthday parties, and noticed that her mum always laughs it off.

Earlier this week, I bump into Lily’s mum who tells me her dd is unhappy at school
and being bullied –naming the boys that my dd says Lily likes to take behind the trees! I get the feeling the boys are being nasty to her in class to cover up for whatever’s going on behind the trees. I’ve tried drawing the mum’s attention to the kissing stuff in a subtle way but she finds it cute and can’t seem to make the link with the"bullying,"

Worse, other girls are starting to draw away. My dd says she doesn’t invite her to play because, “Lily only knows yucky kissey games.” I am worried for this girl – would you speak to school / have another go with mum / steer clear and myob?

I agree Pag. But I do find it heartening that the majority of posters have picked up on this and pointed it out.

Superflyhigh - you and I are broadly on the same side. But which approach is more useful to the 6 year old? Calling the OP a cah so she flounces and does nothing, or trying to persuade her of what is wrong with her attitude, then getting her to talk to the school in a rational, non-judgemental way about what may well be a safeguarding issue?

I wonder if she is doing it because her social skills are a bit off so she finds it hard to make friends so she does it as a way to try and connect with other children and make them like her. Like when a child isn't liked so they start annoying the other kids just to get a reaction of some sort. Sounds like she could do with a bit of support on the playground from the staff.

Safeguarding issue. She's not 'that girl' -she's six. Basically what others have said.

Slut shaming is an awful term and should not be used when talking about anyone, and definitely not a 6 year old. You're literally calling someone a slut. I have no idea why it ever became acceptable to use.

I'm still interested to hear who "that girl" actually is.

Is it that girl that will go on to become a dentist. Or that girl that will outperform all her classmates in every exam. Or that girl that will become a champion for childhood victims of bullying.

My ds went through a period of kissing other girls in his class (he was also 5/6 at the time) is he shaping up to be 'that girl' too?

catmuffin as I stated the little girl may be doing as I did as I wanted new friends and to be accepted... Went wrong though luckily 2 older girls saw, knew it was wrong and reported. God only knows what happened to the boy who touched me (like his home life).

lurcio of course I don't think I should call OP names but her whole tone about this child is appalling. Of course she should report but I don't think she will. She seems very judgy to me and not likely to change her mind re this child which is sad coming from a supposedly educated woman like herself.

"That girl"

FFS.

Yes. You should definitely say something to her mum, lest she end up like one of those sluts who gets themselves raped.

I never knew lawyers could be so thick. Every day's a school day.

You sound really horrible. She's 6. Leave her alone! Don't encourage your dd to leave this girl out. If my dd said she didn't want to play with x because she only knows x type of game, I'd say 'why don't you teach x to play games you like?'. Be nice. And for fuck's sake NEVER use the phrase 'that girl' in this context, ever.

I'm glad you're not a lawyer anymore OP if this is the way you speak about potential victims of abuse!

What year are they all in?

What an absolutely fascinating OP. And only the second thread you have posted on.

I admit I am trying to work out what "that girl" could mean when talking about a 6 year old, but I'm obviously odd, just like Pag.

Slut shaming is an awful term to use about a 6 year old, though I see where you are coming from. Whatever behaviour this girl is displaying is not her fault at her age and not something she has chosen so she should not be shamed for it. 'That girl' is similarly awful. Do you think six year olds are able to choose or consent to sexual activity? That is what you are implying here!

I think the OP should contact the school with her concerns.

I'd be more worried about the fact that she's being bullied and I would definitely bring that up with her parents and the school. I wouldn't however start saying things like she's going to end up being 'that girl'... She's 6 years old! But if she's being bullied for whatever reason then someone has to do something about it.

WTAF OP?

Tell the school what is happening wrt the bullying and worrying behaviour and stop slut shaming a six year old. And have a word with your own DD so that she learns from an early age that name calling is always wrong.