I am starting to wonder if i'm in a financially abusive marriage.
We've always struggled a bit financially. He knows I'm a spender. He's a saver. As a writer, I don't have a reliable income. When I do have money, I always contribute. He's soon to go self employed and this, I think is a big financial concern..a big risk he's taking.
He said I spend too much on day to day living costs (I don't drive, don't have any fancy clothes, we don't go on days out) but I spent about £20 a day on food. So I have no debit card now. As my bank account got in to problems years ago, I since put the child benefit and child tax credits in to his account. Before, we had those separate. I would use one of his debit cards.
He's barred me going shopping alone for food but as he works long hours I sometimes have to go for ages before he brings the shopping home.
Meanwhile I'm stuck at home with the DC's with no money and nothing to do. Today, we ran out of essentials and there's nothing to cook for dinner. He left his phone behind. He's not back until 8pm.
I know he usually has a stash of money for paying off his credit card in his drawer so I went there for the first time ever..but it's gone.
He's hidden that now.
When I recently got paid for a small job (it was only £50) I still had to pay half for an electrical appliance that broke. Despite me knowing he had about £2000 saved up, which is a lot for us.
I've just had enough of this now. When we go shopping (I rarely go with him now these days) he rushes me and argues with some of the items on the list. There's a horrible atmosphere as soon as we get to a shop.
I just can't live like this. I can't take it. I know the only way around it is to earn more money but there's only so much I can do. We live in the middle of nowhere. I don't drive. We have young DC's and I have a few medical problems which mean I can't be away from home too long.
I just feel so trapped. I'm going to talk to him tonight when he gets back but he's very good at turning things around and always has some sort of argument to counteract whatever I say.
At home, I do everything. I feel so short changed. He does no housework. OK he goes to work so he sees it as my job while he has his. But he complains how tired he is, yet I'm up until much later cleaning up and looking after the DC's, whatever else ...and I'm up before him. He even has the nerve to have a go at me if something's not right. I'll never forget the time I had my family round for a birthday party and he made a point of cleaning out the fridge while they were all here and complaining loudly that it was disgusting. Like he was trying to shame me.
I feel like a slave really!
What can you wise Mnetters recommend?