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Original poster

Nude pictures online

30 replies

Birdchronicle23 · 27/07/2015 14:35

I found out last night that my fiancé has been taking nude photos of me without me knowing and uploading them on a profile as me on a fetish site for feeders and telling people how much weight I've gained and what I eat. He took some when I was sleeping and others when I was around the house.
I feel violated and disgusted not to mention that he describes my fat and now lost all confidence, trust.

He is begging and apologising and saying he was figuring out this fetish that disgusts him.

We have been together 4 years and he has been amazing and supportive. This is like a different person.

We are buying a house together which should complete this week and getting married early next yeAr.

What do I do?

OP posts:
Kafri · 27/07/2015 16:15

It disgusts him yet he was photographing the person he supposedly loves???

And you need to ask what to do?

If ever there was good timing, it's finding out early enough to walk away!!

AnyFucker · 27/07/2015 16:22

dump him of course

then after that report him to the police as he has committed a crime

is there any other course of action you were considering ?

AnyoneForTennis · 27/07/2015 16:28

Is he a 'feeder'? Is that what he tries to do?

UnsolvedMystery · 27/07/2015 17:00

What vile behaviour, and totally inexcusable.
Do not marry or move in with this man - dump him.
It is illegal - report him.

Rosieliveson · 27/07/2015 17:03

I'd be contacting the police and ditching him. He's not a good man and he does not respect you

tubbytimmy · 27/07/2015 17:05

Just shows the lack of respect he has for you, not someone you'd want to marry.

GrumpyOldBiddy2 · 27/07/2015 17:10

Police - definitely. He's a weasel.

mrschatty · 27/07/2015 17:11

Police and LTB absolutely. Do not marry this man!

needsomefeckingprivacy · 27/07/2015 17:18

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CatMilkMan · 27/07/2015 17:18

For me this would end everything we have and you ever have, the relationship would be over and I would be calling the police and hoping he spent some time in jail.

BlackbirdOnTheWire · 27/07/2015 17:22

Dump him and police. Obviously make sure you take any necessary precautions re joint accounts first.

So sorry Sad.

ShipShapeAhoy · 27/07/2015 17:31

Have some self respect and leave this man now. Don't fall for the excuses. You deserve to be able to be in your own home without having to worry that the person you love is breaking your trust in this way. How can you ever be at ease with that in the back of your mind? Could you ever imagine yourself doing that to him? What a cock.

needsomefeckingprivacy · 27/07/2015 17:31

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Original poster
Birdchronicle23 · 28/07/2015 02:22

It's so scary, I'm so furious with him for throwing everything away and destroying me.
I've got so many questions
I can't imagine ever letting him see or touch me again

I'm so scared to deal with everything though, i think in in denial. I can't bear the idea of cancelling our wedding and telling all our families and friends. But I can't marry someone who could do that to me.

I can see how broken and disgusted he is with himself. But he should be.

I'm so confused in my head I want to speak to somebody

OP posts:
needsomefeckingprivacy · 28/07/2015 09:02

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Original poster
Birdchronicle23 · 28/07/2015 09:30

The house is being bought in my name only so I'm going to go ahead and rent a room out if I need to.

I still want to own a flat if I can so I'm going to make it a positive thing.

I've asked him to move away for a month at least and he's seeing a counsellor.
Then we can tell our parents we are taking time so that take that pressure off me. Then I can have the time and space I need to come to terms with this. And with being on my own again.

I still love him but he can't possibly love me and do that to me.
I know that I want and deserve someone who loves me and puts me first.

It's just so hard to not recognise someone you've loved for years and agreed to marry.

OP posts:
angelicjen · 28/07/2015 09:43

So sorry this has happened to you. His issues and despicable behaviour are not a reflection of you. Ditch him, hold your head up high and enjoy your new place. It's better you found out now than after the wedding.

Original poster
Birdchronicle23 · 28/07/2015 10:16

I can't stop crying. I feel broken and I have to go into work and haven't slept for 2 nights and feel like I'm falling apart.
I had a glimpse this morning of a life without him and that I still have a chance to find someone good and this isn't my last chance.

OP posts:
needsomefeckingprivacy · 28/07/2015 11:39

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EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 28/07/2015 12:25

He is begging and apologising and saying he was figuring out this fetish that disgusts him

What absolute tosh.
This is a situation that will stay in my mind for a long time. Amongst all the things that people have posted about on MN I think this is one of the most outrageous.

Bird, I am so sorry this dreadful betrayal has happened to you. If anything like that had ever happened to me then the love I felt would be killed stone dead. What an absolute bastard of the highest order.

My darling, go forward with your plans and have a happy and peaceful life without him. There is no room for someone who has abused your trust in this cruel and illegal manner.

I'd have no hesitation in reporting him to the police.

It might help you to spend a time speaking with someone to work through your feelings, as suggested WA or a recommended counsellor.

For you Flowers

hellsbellsmelons · 28/07/2015 13:32

I'm pleased you are buying the property in your sole name.
That's a great positive start for you away from him.
It may seem really hard and OTT to you - but please do report him to the police.
Then other women are more protected from him and his nasty vile ways.
Asking him to keep away for a while is great start.
Baby steps. This will be tough but you can and will get through it and you will find someone who doesn't do shitty things and disrespect you so much.
I'm glad you did your own post - it's far easier to access the support on here when you do.

Rosieliveson · 28/07/2015 14:11

I'm so sorry Bird. You are doing the right thing by getting some space.
Try to remember, you don't love him anymore. You love the man he was before he betrayed you.
I had a boyfriend who attacked me, physically. I ended things. It helped me to remember that he was no longer the man I loved. The man I loved stopped existing the day he hurt me.
Don't be ashamed. You don't have to say what he did unless you want to tell close friends/family. You can simply say he has betrayed you unforgivably. No explanation necessary.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 28/07/2015 14:18

What a horrible man. You can get through this bird. Please report him to the police.

Ahemily · 28/07/2015 14:20

You poor, poor thing. I was absolutely horrified reading your post, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. What a horrendous thing to go through.

Right now you're in shock and worrying about the road ahead, which makes complete sense. But one day you will look back and feel so relieved to have left this utter bastard.

Walk away, OP. You WILL be okay.

Stay strong. Thanks

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 28/07/2015 14:33

What an awful thing to do. What he has done is on a par with rape on the morality scale. There can be no coming back from that, it's just such a fundamental lack of respect, care and understanding of your autonomy. Like he sees you as a possession he can share at will.
Please don't entertain the thought of him 'getting help' and 'having counselling' because there really is no help in the world that would make this situation ok for you.