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Original poster

Teacher's wedding

30 replies

teacherprimary · 30/04/2015 23:19

Hello Mums,

I am currently a Year 1 teacher at a private school. I am getting married this summer. Some of my children have asked if they can come to my wedding (in fact one said to me, "it's the law. OK, well it's not the law, but it would be nice if you did".) I've explained to them that teachers don't invite the children they teach to their weddings.

Having said it is not the norm to them, I'm considering whether it would be a nice idea to invite them. There is one Portuguese parent who it probably wouldn't seem strange to, because when her son asked me if I'd come to his birthday and I explained teachers don't do that she explained to me that it is quite common in Portugal for teachers to come to their student's birthday parties so that's probably why he asked.

To give you some context I won't be teaching at the school next year, in fact although I really enjoy the teaching the children part I've pretty much made my mind up that I'm not going to teach at all anymore. I would only invite them to the ceremony because I don't feel it would be appropriate for them to hear the speeches, see the dancing etc! Numbers at the ceremony are not a problem because the chapel seats 300 and I have a small class so even if they all came and brought both their parents it wouldn't be a problem. I'd obviously explain that it was the children's suggestion and that I won't be offended if they don't come. There are already a fair few children coming to the wedding, and the children I teach are pretty well-behaved so I don't think a few extra would make it any more chaotic.

When I look this subject up online it seems a very touchy subject with some people, with their issues with it ranging from it being inappropriate to invite students to it being tacky to only invite people to the ceremony.

My reason for wanting to ask them is because some of them want to come. I wouldn't have thought of it otherwise and having had it suggested by them I quite like the idea because like other people who will be there they are people that I like and have enjoyed having in my life.

Worries:

  • parents will feel they are letting down their child if their child wants to go and for whatever reason they can't come, e.g. holiday already booked.
  • parents will think I'm angling for wedding presents (At private school I have noticed that you do get quite a few generous gifts. I really do not want presents from them, and would want them to know this without me expressly saying it (because then they'd known I'd thought about it!) It is not the usual case of 'Your presence is gift enough, but if you would like to get us something...' It is actually 'Don't get us anything.')
  • the ceremony is in the OBE Chapel at St Paul's Cathedral, but I don't want them to think I'm just inviting every Tom, Dick and Harry because I'm showing off about where I'm getting married.

Obviously if I decide to invite them I'll check with the school first, because their advice is valuable and I will technically still be employed by them until September so if they don't like it I won't do it.

So imagine you are the parent of one of the 5 or 6 year olds I teach and you get the wedding ceremony invite. What do you think?

OP posts:
ladygracie · 30/04/2015 23:24

When my friend got married she invited her class to watch the wedding. It was very lovely of her and meant a lot to the children. some of the parents sat as close to the front as possible which meant that members of her family (& friends) had to sit further back so it might be worth allocating them an area. Do you work near where you're getting married?

ladygracie · 30/04/2015 23:25

I didn't answer your question at all, sorry. I would (& did) think it was a really lovely idea.

DontCallMeBaby · 30/04/2015 23:26

I think it's down to the wording. Make it clear it's not a traditional wedding invite, and that it's in response to the children's curiosity about your wedding, and I think you'd be okay.

For comparison DD is recently sang with the school's Yr6 choir at a teacher's wedding - the teacher who's responsible for suck in the school and who took them for junior choir in years 3 to 5. Obviously the kids were there, and parents were 'invited'. We were under no illusion that we were 'proper' wedding guests, went appropriately dressed for church, but not in wedding finery, and went on our way after the ceremony, while family, friends and colleagues (this was the high point, btw, seeing the rest of the teachers in wedding garb, with partners and kids in tow) went on to the reception.

Interested in this thread?

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Primary education Weddings
Brandysnapper · 30/04/2015 23:30

I didn't think you needed an invite to an actual wedding ceremony, I thought they were sort of open to the public? (Otherwise, how could someone run in and object?!) so I wouldn't make it like a wedding invite, but a card giving info about where the ceremony is, saying they are welcome to attend.
I can't imagine much worse, personally, but then I don't teach wee ones!

AuntieStella · 30/04/2015 23:32

If you're getting married in a large church, you could have a section for the class if you wanted it (but will they be able to see what's going on?)

But I think you're right to ask the school, and be prepared for them to be lukewarm because of the possibility of setting a precedent.

TheBuskersDog · 30/04/2015 23:33

I don't think an invitation as such is appropriate, but you could let them know informally when and where the wedding is so that any who want to come along and see you get married can.

Original poster
teacherprimary · 30/04/2015 23:35

Thank you for your responses. ladygracie I don't work near where I'm getting married actually, I work near Haywards Heath, West Sussex - but I suppose they could have a day out in London afterwards?...

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 30/04/2015 23:42

I wouldn't bother. As a parent I wouldn't trek all the way into london for a class teacher's wedding. Especially when the children who want to come will only have the most tenuous idea of the reality of a wedding and, well to be completely honest, it just probably won't be much fun for them.

I think it would be weird to invite them in the circumstances you describe.

oneowlgirl · 30/04/2015 23:58

My sons yr 2 teacher did lovely invitations to her wedding for the class last year- it quite clearly wasn't a wedding invitation as such, but an invitation to attend the church ceremony. Unfortunately we couldn't attend as we were on holiday but quite a few did & my DS was gutted not to have been & seen it.

If you're keen, I'd say to invite them & all the best for your wedding Smile

SenecaFalls · 01/05/2015 00:03

I think if the school agrees, it would be a lovely gesture to invite them to the ceremony.

EatSleepSwimRepeat · 01/05/2015 00:23

My Y1/3 teacher invited my class to her wedding, it was at the poshest hotel in our town and as far as I recall we wore our uniforms, waited outside during the ceremony (it was summertime) and when the bride and groom left the building we formed two lines and threw confetti everywhere. Our teacher had an informal photo taken with each student and a professional group photo, then they went to the reception and we all went home.

Not every child went and I think we did a class card, but no presents. She was a fantastic teacher we all loved, and it felt like a great honour to be invited.

SavoyCabbage · 01/05/2015 05:12

My dc go to quite a large primary (in Australia) and there always seems to be a teacher getting married.

When my dd's year one teacher got married parents were asking each other if they were going to take their dc to the ceremony.

I was agog as it would be unusual in the UK. Quite a few of them did go and now I have been here longer I don't find it as surprising.

There was no invitation. The information about where the ceremony was was just out there. And people either went or they didn't.

Eastpoint · 01/05/2015 05:21

My son's teacher got married when he was in year 3, the first year at his prep school. She invited all the boys in her form and they sang a song & wore their summer polo shirts & school shorts. We were away on holiday so my son didn't go (but he made the official card from everyone). She was lovely.

TheBuskersDog · 01/05/2015 08:01

I think it would be odd to expect them to travel into London, I was imagining you were marrying close to the school.

Groovee · 01/05/2015 08:05

When I got married, I worked in a nursery. A number of the parents brought their children to the church to see me. It was lovely to see them and I was back at work on the Monday and they were talking about it.

JellyTipisthebest · 01/05/2015 08:42

I have heard of a pre-school being invited to the church to form a guard of honour for the bride to walk through. Then they are not inside at the wedding or they could be at the back and the they formed two lines and cheered and threw confetti or bubbles as the couple came out. They then did a photo with the children and the children left. This would need a parent to organise or another member of staff. But could be cool.

ragged · 01/05/2015 09:09

I would think it was odd that you didn't want to keep your private & proff. lives more separate! I'd be afraid my kid would ruin your wedding (noisy, disruptive, demanding).

Maybe private school parents are different, I dunno.

MythicalKings · 01/05/2015 09:13

I didn't invite my class but most of them turned up. It was lovely, if embarrassing.

campocaro · 01/05/2015 09:14

Why not have a mini practice wedding ceremony at the school with your class? Bring cake, dress up, take photos etc I think it´s over the top to invite them to the actual do.

Jennifersrabbit · 01/05/2015 09:17

My DD is year 1 and adores her teacher - if she was getting married I would have a job to keep her away! I think an open invitation to attend the ceremony would be lovely as others have said. I think I might be very up front and say 'please, no presents'.

girlsyearapart · 01/05/2015 09:18

I was teaching swimming when I got married and I gave out a letter telling the parents which dates I wouldn't be there & why.
I said they were welcome to come to the church if the kids wanted to watch. Some of them did & it was lovely.
Now I'm a school teacher I think id do the same especially if I was teaching the younger children. ( I teach year 6 though so they wouldn't really be bothered..)

Ocho · 01/05/2015 09:21

No, I think this is really inappropriate and blurs boundaries.

Also, particularly odd to invite them to a wedding that requires travelling into London. The children may be desperate to see you in a frock, but the parents won't and it's the parents that would be lumbered with the hassle and expensive of a day trip.

Better to share your photos with the class after the event.

ICantDecideOnAUsername · 01/05/2015 09:33

A pp was right when they said you don't need to be invited to a church wedding ceremony. Any old joe blogs could wander in off the street and watch if they wanted. It different if it's in a private setting of course. If just mention when and where you are getting married casually (is there a school newsletter) rather than formal invites. But given the distance I'm sure a lot of the kids patents wouldn't want to drag them up there.

ICantDecideOnAUsername · 01/05/2015 09:35

Oh and congrats! Enjoy the day Grin

hairygodmother · 01/05/2015 09:41

My daughter's teacher (Yr 2) is getting married this summer. The kids absolutely love her (she is fab) and would jump at the chance of going to the ceremony. I think it's a lovely idea and if the school is ok, go for it. I should think the kids would feel really special for being asked.