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Original poster

So if you'd been summoned by the headteacher.......

62 replies

JugglingLife · 13/03/2015 14:52

Would you a) panic shit, what have they/I done
B) be all pious and presume the absolute best of your DC's
C) think it must be good news -do feel free to share good news summons with me! give me some fucking hope please

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Original poster
JugglingLife · 13/03/2015 15:47

Yes Ah dinnae, I agree, yesterday I would never have though DD would do it either.

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Original poster
JugglingLife · 13/03/2015 15:50

Happy you are absolutely correct, she had just come home and clearly still does not understand the seriousness. I need to calm a little before I continue the task that needs doing. I think it's probably wise to wait for DH as he will explain the serious implications far more calmly than me. Needless to say I have already removed the tech. I can't believe she's been so bloody silly.

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SunshineAndShadows · 13/03/2015 15:50

I understand that pranks like this obviously have potentially serious consequences. But from your DDs POV she was likely using the account to try and wind friends up so the most important thing is that she understands WHY this is unacceptable. Time for a chat about Internet safety and a review of her access I think

Original poster
JugglingLife · 13/03/2015 15:54

Wax/sunshine it is very clear that the maturity is not there. She needs to learn that if you wouldn't do it in real life you shouldn't do it online. Oh the disappointment. It's been a bad 10 days what with horrific secondary school places and this is just the icing on the cake. I need to make sure my response is only on this and not as a result of the stress build up.

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Holepunch · 13/03/2015 16:44

Well, isn't the official age limit for FB 13? and she's proved she's not mature enough. I'd be very tempted to say she can have another go when she's 13. I'd ban Instagram altogether, but that might be cos I don't understand it

piggychops · 13/03/2015 16:48

I think she should apologise in person to the teacher concerned.

BuzzardBird · 13/03/2015 16:55

I would ban all social networking until she is the official age.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 13/03/2015 16:58

Oh dear! I do agree that it sounds more like a stupid mistake/not fully understanding the implications than a malicious attempt to cause harm to the teacher.

Holepunch's idea does seem a good one. As FB is officially only for over 13's anyway - could you tell her that her account will be deactivated until she reaches 13 as you don't feel she is mature enough yet? That should bring home the seriousness to her I would have thought.

I also think an apology of some kind to the teacher - in person or a note - might be the right thing to do.

TBH, it sounds like something my DS2 might have done. He is a lovely lad, never means anyone any harm but - when he gets together with his mates - he can be, well, stupid & not think things through properly!

Original poster
JugglingLife · 13/03/2015 17:01

Yes, yes , yes to everything. Her Instagram account will be deleted after I've stalked it for a few days, no social media until the appropriate age, apologies in person and writing. She is not a happy bunny about me taking her life away.

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catontherun · 13/03/2015 17:12

Please find a way to get her to understand how stupid this was.

2 kids in dc1's year 6 class did something similar and one of them was a favourite teacher's pet of the year 6 teacher and the whole situation was played down although the whole school received a memo about the suitability of online social network access for kids.

Year 7 at secondary school, clearly having not grasped how serious the first incident could have been one of the 2 kids is currently in big trouble over something very similar but the secondary school take a much dimmer view and the child is suspended.

Original poster
JugglingLife · 13/03/2015 17:19

She at least has the good grace to be upset now BUT I'm not sure it's for the right reasons. DH home soon and she'll probably get a more formal lecture rather than my over emotional, concerned, upset ranting. It really doesn't help that she is very hormonal and 'woe be me' at the moment. She thinks that as the HT has already spoken with her, she was completely open and apologised and it was quite obvious to HT that she was unaware of the implications, therefore it's over. She thinks I'm over reacting. I don't agree. Obviously. Definitely a work in progress.

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Original poster
JugglingLife · 13/03/2015 17:21

Can I just thank everyone that had posted constructive and non judgemental advice. It's really helped.

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BrowersBlues · 13/03/2015 17:25

You know your child. She sounds like a good girl who made a mistake. She has only been on this planet 11 years and wouldn't have had the capacity to know the implications of what she did. They probably thought it would be a good laugh.

I would sit her down and talk to her in a calm way. I would limit the punishment to about 3 days and tell her that you expect her to write an apology letter to the teacher.

You don't want to escalate things. The school has done their bit and now you need to do yours. Stay on her side and keep the lines of communication open. She is only a child.

I am not trying to be cool mum here. I have two teens who are driving me insane and I wish that instead of going off the dial when their behaviour revved up that I should have sat down, told them I loved them and tried to work things out calmly.

In my experience freaking out just ends up worse for everyone.

There are some great tutorials online and I can personally recommend Michael J Bradley.

thenextday · 13/03/2015 17:28

Tell her that doing this sort of thing is against the law. She is of the age of criminal responsibility and should understand that what she did is illegal.
She's obviously not mature enough to be on social media sites despite having the ability to set up and deactivate an account.

I would be bloody livid with her.

TheHappyCamper · 13/03/2015 17:30

If you are struggling the convey the seriousness, there is a nice bit on this site . It actually mentions one type of cyber bullying as 'setting up an account pretending to be someone else' and identifies this as 'identity theft'. I think possibly seeing it in black and white like that could help at 11 years old.

You might also point out that a teacher's career could be jeopardised by something like this - potentially they could have been suspended pending investigation. If she likes the teacher this could have a big impact.

Are you ok? Remember all kids get it wrong sometimes, and it sounds like you are dealing with it really well.

Original poster
JugglingLife · 13/03/2015 17:31

Thanks browers, lovely words and you are spot on in your first paragraph. She's definitely getting the month though. Whilst she is golden at school, house captain, very bright, popular, very sporty and always picked for everything, always keen to please her teachers, she can be an absolute minx at home. This offence calls for a bit of tough love otherwise it will go in one ear and out the other as usual

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thenextday · 13/03/2015 17:33

In practical terms have a look at CEOP TIK website which has great advice for parents ( and young people)
She has to understand the implications of what she did..how would she feel of do.done did that to her and started posting stuff? I've seen the damage cyberbullying can do to children ....sadly a lot of young people do not think they are doing anything wrong as its not face to face.
Your aim has to be to ensure she gets why it was do wrong.
Maybe the school should focus on esafety with yr 6

BrowersBlues · 13/03/2015 17:33

Very good advice from Camper. At 11 years of age your DD hasn't a clue about the leglisation. This will be a valuable lesson for her which she has been fortunate to learn at a young age.

Original poster
JugglingLife · 13/03/2015 17:37

Thank you happy and next, I'll print off the details of that web site and chat to her about the threat to the teacher.

Am I ok? Thanks for asking. The honest answer is no, not really. I am really upset, worried at my lack of judgement regarding her maturity, worried at my lack of 'lack of policing', I was absolutely livid, that has now passed and I've moved on to embarrassed and teary. I am judging myself and finding myself quite lacking at the moment.

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Iggi999 · 13/03/2015 17:38

As a teacher this scares the hell out of me. I've known a teacher lose his job over an inappropriate comment on fb (probably rightly) - would I be able to prove it wasn't me who had set up then account? Also when recruiting I know employers check candidates social media presence - what if they hadn't been found out?

BrowersBlues · 13/03/2015 17:39

John Lonergan, the former governor of Mountjoy Prison in Dublin for 24 years wrote a book about parenting and he says parenting is by far the most difficult and complex task anyone will ever undertake in their life. Just saying that he says keep the punishments short!! He must know a thing or two. Good luck!

Iggi999 · 13/03/2015 17:40

Sorry, I realise your dd wouldn't be thinking of all of that, just giving the other perspective.

BrowersBlues · 13/03/2015 17:40

the punishments for children and young adults that is - not the prisoners!

Original poster
JugglingLife · 13/03/2015 17:41

Iggi I know this and fortunately the school have been very understanding. This is a massive shock for us but I assure you, we will get the message across. I did question whether to be open about her offence, sometimes the flamings on this site are horrid but she really didn't mean to hurt anyone.

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BrowersBlues · 13/03/2015 17:47

Juggling, put your head up high and stop thinking you are a failure. Mothers aren't given a set of instuctions when they have a child. You know now. You can advise any other children that you have and tell your friends and family. You sound like a wonderful mother!