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Original poster

How to respond to crap "in my day..." baby advice?!

32 replies

Flingmoo · 26/02/2015 20:46

Currently staying with DH's family, got a 9 month old baby and getting fed up with the 'advice' now! Usually food related. Examples:

In response to current advice which says no more than 1g of salt a day for babies: "We gave all my children and grandchildren lots of salty food when they were babies and they came out fine!"

"I'll make him some warm sugary milk, that's what he wants when he wake up crying in the night!" I'll admit this one was quite sweet. DS woke up around midnight probably due to teething pain, was screaming for quite a while, DH's 75 yr old nan comes upstairs in her frilly nightgown with a bottle of warm cows milk (he's breastfed!), I tested a bit and it was the sweetest thing I've ever tasted, god knows how much sugar she added!

Also today DH got very angry with his nan for giving baby a piece of bread slathered in honey after he strictly told her the day before that babies mustn't have honey.

None of this particularly enrages me, they do mean well, it's just a bit annoying after a while when they insist on going against current advice...

OP posts:
EstherCard · 27/02/2015 19:37

I got totally annoyed at the 'we didn't have that in my day' stuff when I was pregnant. An old lady was quite sniffy when I said I couldn't eat liver paté.
Yes, you DID have listeria in your day!
Argh!
Me and my mum do laugh about how much the advice has changed over the years, but the one time I got really annoyed was when someone put up an FB post rambling on about how life was better in the old days. It included the line 'we had lead paint on our cots but we came out OK...'
They were nostalgic for lead poisoning??
Well they may have been ok but millions of other kids were not and they did take offence at me pointing this out.
Hope all goes well with your little one, at least she's not reccomending laudanum as the victorians used to! Grin

lavendersun · 27/02/2015 19:38

I used to say - thank you, I will have a think about that for a nano second before I bin your stupid idea.

Holdthepage · 27/02/2015 19:40

Just ignore, ignore, ignore. My MIL assured me that all her DCs were potty trained at 9 months. Yes of course they were! Those rose tinted specs are pretty powerful you know.

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AnythingNotEverything · 27/02/2015 19:42

I stick to "Current advice is ..." and shrug my shoulders.

Original poster
Flingmoo · 28/02/2015 07:34

EstherCard Shock at the lead paint thing! I have seen posts like that on FB too. It's just ridiculous really isn't it. My mum works with adults who have learning disabilities and there is at least one lady in her 60s who has brain damage from her lead painted cot as a baby. It's sad that she has such a poor quality of life when you imagine what life she could've had.

OP posts:
Galvanized · 28/02/2015 07:42

It would engage me if they actually followed through on the advice and tried to give my child food/milk against my wishes. It's okay to not be okay with that. I'd repeat the line "NHS guidelines say..." - they are being willfully ignorant.

trilbydoll · 28/02/2015 07:51

If they don't mean any harm I usually "agree" - oh I know, there's so many guidelines these days, but I'd never forgive myself if something happened so it's much easier just to follow them.

ragged · 28/02/2015 08:26

"I'm glad that worked well for you."

DulcetMoans · 28/02/2015 08:34

I'm pregnant now and getting annoyed at the 'well that wasn't what happened when I was pregnant...' Stuff. From PIL mainly but it annoys me because it's almost like I am BU for following advice, having midwife appointments and generally getting on with my pregnancy how best I can!

If they were actively trying to do thins you have said no too like the honey and milk then I would have to say something. If it's just words then I shrug it off for an easy life! until one day I crack

Goodpresentideaplease · 28/02/2015 08:42

I used to respond along the lines of, "well we all do our best with the latest information available to us don't we, just as you did".

In the 3yrs between having my dc the advice changed from weaning at 4mths to 6mths, so is constantly changing.

PacificDogwood · 28/02/2015 08:44

"Isn't' it interesting how things change?"
Then change the subject.
Don't justify, don't apologise, don't become defensive.

I've also said to my mum more than once "Well, you had your chance at child rearing, now I've got mine" Grin

jerryfudd · 28/02/2015 09:01

Smile and nod..... And do your own thing. They'll get the message.

Original poster
Flingmoo · 28/02/2015 10:49

I think the trouble is people get a bit defensive sometimes, when you say things like "we must't give babies honey" or "weaning is not really recommended before 6 months" - parents of grown up children feel like we're preaching and implying that the way they raised their children is wrong. DH and I have found ourselves always trying to explain that yes, your children didn't die of botulism when they ate honey as babies, and no it didn't seem to do any harm weaning them onto cows milk and solids aged 3 months, but we'd still rather stick on the safe side and go by current advice!

OP posts:
Galvanized · 28/02/2015 19:40

If you think it's how you say it that is getting their backs up then word it slightly differently, not "we mustn't give babies honey" but "medical guidance now says we mustn't give babies honey because...".

LittleMilkNoSugar · 03/03/2015 16:29

What Mamushka said. From the second you announce a pregnancy you seem to become public property and will be subjected to all sorts of advice. I really think that most women are just trying to empathise with you and share in this amazing thing that is happening/has happened to you. Please remember that they too will have been given 'advice' and please please remember that you will find that 'current advice' will be obsolete fairly soon and you'll find yourselves doling it out in the future!

APocketfulOfSpondulix · 03/03/2015 16:36

I got this a lot from my in laws.

I would say something po-faced like "yes I know, isn't it great that we know not to do that now."

BuzzardBird · 03/03/2015 16:36

I just used to smile and say that "the progress in science is a marvellous thing".

Notrevealingmyidentity · 03/03/2015 16:39

"And now we know better"

But I'm contrary like that.

storynanny2 · 03/03/2015 16:51

As a mum nanny and mil it is really tricky keeping on the fine line between advice and back in the day stuff.
If I ever do say something about when mine were babies it is just me trying to empathise and show how I dealt with difficult things etc, certainly not trying to impose my ideas as the only way.
In fact I regularly say to new mums
"Remember you are the only expert with ur baby"

kelpeed · 03/03/2015 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kelpeed · 03/03/2015 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMilkNoSugar · 03/03/2015 23:25

It's interesting as I find this happens the other way round too eg. my DSis telling that nobody feels any foetal movement during their first pregnancy until 20 weeks. Nonsense. But in my responding that I felt movement before then in both my pregnancies, i'm the one perceived as being all 'in my day-esque'.

Equally though I've had my fair share of 'advice' from people. Swings and roundabouts folks. But do remember, older mums have been through it all before and whilst their advice might go against current thinking it was what they thought best at the time.

geekymommy · 04/03/2015 15:30

Lead paint (on cots and otherwise) may well have led to more violent crime when those kids grew up. There's evidence that exposure to even small amounts of lead leads to lower IQ and more tendencies to aggression and violence. Just because there's not a big, immediately obvious harmful effect on the kids, doesn't mean there isn't any effect.

(If the people who had lead paint on their cots say, "I'm fine, and if you say otherwise, I'll kill you", well, they've proven your point, haven't they... Wink)

Tapwater · 16/03/2015 10:48

I'm another who smiles blithely and says 'And now, fortunately, we know better.'

GlitzAndGigglesx · 16/03/2015 10:53

An elderly relative often tells the lie story of how all 4 of her kids were on chicken curry at 3 months. I hate all the "oh we didn't have all this choice when we were kids" comments. That's because you grew up in the stone age now shut up many years ago where shops hadn't evolved as much