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Original poster

Teacher calling DD a freak and a muppet

35 replies

GreenMouse · 07/10/2014 16:45

My DD 13 who is in year 9, came home today and told me that one of her teachers called her a freak (twice) and a muppet during a quite informal exchange during class. She says he was joking and although she doesn't seem very upset about it, she thinks it was mean of him to say that. It's her favourite subject and a teacher she really likes.

I think that it's unacceptable for a teacher to speak to a pupil like that and I want to make sure it doesn't happen again, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Should I approach the teacher in question, or the head of year? Email, phone, or face to face?

Am I overreacting? What would you do? I'd really appreciate other people's opinion :)

OP posts:
Original poster
GreenMouse · 07/10/2014 16:59

Bumping as threads are dropping off active convos so fast!

OP posts:
Shockers · 07/10/2014 17:08

Tell her if he does it again, to say my mum said it's not polite to call someone names like that.

Then 1) he'll know she's told you
2) he might question his own turn of phrase in the future.

IrianofWay · 07/10/2014 17:12

If she was upset then she needs to tell him so. Not OK for your teacher to upset you.

However if it was said in a light-hearted way I don't think my children would have minded - we use 'muppet' as a term of affection in this house. Freak too at times.

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/10/2014 17:16

I think its a tricky one.
If it was my dd I would go with what she wants.

Original poster
GreenMouse · 07/10/2014 17:27

Thanks for your input.

Shockers that is a very good way of dealing with it, I'll tell that to DD.

Irian I do see your point about it being lighhearted. I think it's the "freak" comment rather than the "muppet" one that she objected to most. It's a bit tricky in this case because she is at that awkward age and is already feeling, maybe not like a freak, but that she doesn't quite fit in with her classmates, so the comment was not very helpful.

ThatBloodyWoman DD is not quite sure what she wants! I'll speak to her again.

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 07/10/2014 17:55

Teachers should NOT be calling students freaks and muppets.

ThatBloodyWoman · 07/10/2014 18:00

Perhaps you could give her options and possible outcomes (ie speak to teacher, it won't happen again, but could feel awkward.....or say nothing, equip for any future scenario, but could feel unresolved.....etc)

Smartiepants79 · 07/10/2014 18:01

Completely depends on the context, how it was said and the relationship the teacher has with the students.
I have used the word muppet in class before. It is a teasing term that they completely understand. They know I'm joking and it's just a gentle way of pointing out silly errors.
I have an excellent relationship with 98% of my children. I also know the ones not to say this kind of thing to.
If your daughter likes this teacher and respects him then I would let it be. Especially as she seems to not be particularly upset and understood that it was used in fun.

AuntieStella · 07/10/2014 18:02

Muppet might be OK, depending on tone of exchange, as it's so often used in a friendly way.

I'd be more bothered by the "freak"

But in year 9 you need to be guided by what DD wants. If it's nothing for now, then do nothing (other than remember when it happened, so of it proves to be the start of a pattern you have a note of what happened and when).

ArgyMargy · 07/10/2014 18:03

Hmmm. Muppet maybe if it was lighthearted. Freak definitely not. I would go with what DD wants but actually I don't think this is acceptable language for a teacher to be using.

girliefriend · 07/10/2014 18:04

I would be upset if that was my dd but 13 is a tricky age so not sure what I would do, think shockers suggestion is sensible.

Iggi999 · 07/10/2014 20:37

Context? Not a great turn of phrase, but what if it was "please sir, are we getting any homework tonight?" "You're asking for homework, are you a freak?" - doesn't sound as bad as "look at now you're dressed you freak". Muppet isn't a compliment but does sound a bit more affectionate as, well, they're muppets!

Haggisfish · 07/10/2014 20:44

As a teacher, I'd rather you phoned me to clarify context and allow me to apologise for any upset. I'd also make sure I didn't use that language again with that child. I would much rather know if a child is upset, even slightly, by something I have said. I call students dafties and occasionally eejit, but always affectionately and never with malice. I also apologise if they seem upset ( only once has it happened).

Original poster
GreenMouse · 08/10/2014 09:04

To clarify the context: it's a subject involving performance, and when he asked her to give it a bit more oomph, she hammed it up. His reaction was to mutter "freak". The second time he said something like "total freak". I can't quite remember what the context of him calling her a muppet was, but I am not so bothered about that. It's the "freak" comments that concern me most.

Having said all this DD doesn't want me to do anything about it. I've suggested Shockers' reply to her, whether she'd have the confidence to say something like that is another story!

Thanks everyone for your input, it's been very useful. :)

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 08/10/2014 18:50

Oh no, that doesn't sound nice. Hope there are no more comments!

LeBearPolar · 08/10/2014 19:02

I have used "muppet" in a teasing affectionate way, when a student has done something that they know is daft (I would never use it if the child hadn't realised that their mistake was a silly one) but I am a bit shocked at "freak", I must say. I'm not sure that that can be meant in a fond way, can it?

Original poster
GreenMouse · 08/10/2014 23:07

Well quite LeBear, my thoughts exactly... I'm going to speak to a friend who knows the teacher quite well and eee what she thinks.

OP posts:
Shockers · 09/10/2014 16:55

Actually, that's pretty unpleasant in the context you describe and isn't going to help her confidence in performing at all, is it?

Nosy67 · 09/10/2014 17:07

He probably used the terms because he thought they had a good rapport that could take it as mere banter. It would be ideal if any complaint came from her, something like "Sir, I really don't like being called a freak! Don't do that again, please.". maybe she can write a note so that it's not a cringeworthy one-to-one chat but not pressured in front of peers, either? She'll probably get a quick private apology & that will be end of it with no damage done.

Original poster
GreenMouse · 12/10/2014 00:06

Nosy that's a good idea but there's no way my dd would ever do that...

After speaking to my friend I've decided to email the teacher, not to have a go at him but to try and remind him to be a bit sensitive in his use of language with awkward teenagers. We'll see how it goes...

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Nosy67 · 12/10/2014 22:56

sounds like good idea. I know my Dd could say those things in person but my DSs would cringe & die first rather than bring it up again.

strawberryangel · 12/10/2014 23:04

I'm a teacher, and I use 'donut' or 'dumpling' for lighthearted teasing. Muppet might be similar, but seems a tiny bit more aggressive to me. Freak, however, is awful.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/10/2014 00:55

Do what you feel is right, but if it were me and my DS said they didn't want to take it any further, I think I'd abide by his wishes.

At the very least, let her know you are emailing. She won't want to be blindsided, even if it's just by his apology.

Original poster
GreenMouse · 13/10/2014 09:01

AcrossthePond I will definitely tell dd that I am emailing her teacher! I wouldn't do it behind her back. I do generally respect her wishes but in this case I feel I can't let this pass. She said she wasn't upset by the comments but her behaviour told me otherwise, and I want to do all I can to prevent it happening again. What I haven't said on this thread is that dd has a history of self-harm and this kind of thing could very well trigger another episode.

OP posts:
alemci · 13/10/2014 09:08

I think that is awful and not appropriate for a teacher to speak that way.

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