Follow on from best joke - best science/maths jokes?

[TwosaCrowd]

I love science jokes, I'll get the ball rolling…

What is a physicist's favourite food? Fission chips.

Two kittens on a slippery roof - which one falls off first?

A: the one with the lowest Mu

(coefficient of friction)

Damn. Tilly beat me to it .

Finish quantum dishwasher tablets, you don't know if your dishes are done til you look.

Oh I like the sodium sodium Batman one. DS will go for that one.

An electron in search of mate
Thought Heisenberg worthy of hate
"Whenever I whirl,
To the place of a girl
I miss the time, or the place, or the date"

Me: Shall I tell you a joke about potassium?

You: Oh, yes please.

Me: 'K

Never trust an atom.....They make up everything...

Not a joke as such but very funny

Stealth it's my favourite joke.

A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment. The mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and a beautiful naked woman is placed on a bed at the other end of the room. The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every five minutes, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the woman on the bed." The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. "What? I'm not going to go through this. You know I'll never reach the bed!" And he gets up and storms out. The psychologist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the physicist in. He explains the situation, and the physicist's eyes light up and he starts drooling. The psychologist is a bit confused. "Don't you realize that you'll never reach her?" The physicist smiles and replied, "Of course! But I'll get close enough for all practical purposes!"

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?

Artificial intelligence.

There are two sorts of scientist in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

According to Freud, what comes between fear and sex?

Funf.

Two functions are walking down the street, a constant and an exponential function. They meet a differential operation. The constant, scared of being turned to nothing, scarpers. The exponential goes up to the differential and says. "Hi, I'm ex." The differential replies, "Nice to meet you, ex, I'm dy/dz.

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

Schroedingers cat: wanted dead and alive!

Why do mathematicians always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because oct(31) = dec(25).

When I went to Uni (physics and geology ) my sister gave me a Viz cartoon in a wee frame.

Stereotype scientist - lab coat, big specs, mad hair - looking into a microscope standing in the countryside surrounded y cows.

The tag line was "professor, how long have you been working in this field?"

My flat mate had a student cookbook with a cartoon on the flypaper of lots of sheep in a field, all saying "BA" except got one, whose speech bubble said "BSc".

static.fjcdn.com/pictures/H20_748067_2835394.jpg

I'm enjoying these, but I don't get the oct(31) = dec(25) thing. Can someone explain as if to a small, slow child?

There's the one about the group of snakes who converted to christianity. The missionary came past and found them cutting down trees. Puzzled he asked what they were doing.

"Well, you said we had to go forth and multiply, but we're adders so we're making log tables..."

Bit old now maybe, does anyone use log tables any more?

I love science jokes!

(I prefer the visual version of this one)

(If you can't read it, it's two scientists in a bar, the first orders his dring "I'm a scientist, so I'll have H2O", then the second, not to be outdone "yeah, I'm a scientist as well so I'll have a H2O too"...)