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Original poster

How can I get my placenta to feed the baby to a routine?

40 replies

hunkermunker · 19/07/2006 21:40

I'm a bit worried unborn babies are getting way too demanding these days.

We MUST be strict with them.

I mean, just WHO do they think they are?!

(I'm not pg btw)

OP posts:
TwoFingeredFishMitten · 19/07/2006 21:41

You'll make a rod for your own back if you let them feed from the placenta on demand

WigWamBam · 19/07/2006 21:41

It's a bugger to get them to wake up and kick on their playmats as well ...

harpsichordcarrier · 19/07/2006 21:42

wait until they are sleeping then POKE THEM WITH A CHOPSTICK
just firmly, not hard or anything
it's for their own good

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Families
PanicPants · 19/07/2006 21:43

Burping them is hard work too

SleepyJess · 19/07/2006 21:45

I would suggest only eating once every two days at the same time. Then the baby will not become used to regular nutrients and may therefore be less demanding once born. It might also be underweight.. but hey, all the easier to give birth to..

Original poster
hunkermunker · 19/07/2006 21:54

Blinking unborn babies expecting us to carry them around ALL day

OP posts:
Snafu · 19/07/2006 22:12

You're still using a placenta?? God, you really are a bunch of lentil-weavers, aren't you? And it's so messy.

I bought my In-Utero Maxi-Fresh Feeding System in Boots (on special offer, natch) and it's miles more convenient, you don't have to have it taken out in public and it's just as good as the real thing.

Original poster
hunkermunker · 19/07/2006 22:14

That sounds brilliant, Snafu.

Foetus expects me to co-sleep as well as this feeding on demand malarkey too - have you managed to overcome that too?

OP posts:
moondog · 19/07/2006 22:16

lmao

I want to bawl in the face of every woman wittering about weaning,top ups,sleep routines and crying.

'JUST FUCKING LEAVE 'EM BE!!!!'

bubble99 · 19/07/2006 22:18

Foetus is awake at 4am these days. It needs it's own room, I reckon.

Snafu · 19/07/2006 22:18

It's never really been an issue, hunker. The genius of the In-Utero Maxi-Fresh Feeding System is that it allows me to get off my tits on pills and booze every night, so by bedtime I'm too strung-out to care.

harpsichordcarrier · 19/07/2006 23:18

these foetuses are manipulating you, you know
making you feel guilty. they can go all fight without feeding. they just need to be a bit more independent

milward · 19/07/2006 23:20

When I'm asked is he good. I just don't know what to say

emkana · 19/07/2006 23:21
MrsJohnCusack · 19/07/2006 23:22

you need to make sure the last feed of the day is in a darkened place, and do not look at it OR heaven forbid, speak to it

harpsichordcarrier · 19/07/2006 23:23

and make sure the baby doesn't play for an hour before bedtime. don't want him getting overstimulated.
and STOP CUDDLING HIM with your womb. remember, cuddling is for his benefit, and should never be for yours.

LaDiDaDi · 19/07/2006 23:23

milward, what about saying "No, he's already got an asbo and an electronic tag."

MrsJohnCusack · 19/07/2006 23:24

and you know, get it out of you ASAP after 38 weeks because any longer and it's just for your benefit

Flossam · 19/07/2006 23:26

I reccomend the minimal eating technique. Have a piece of lettuce three times a day, with an olive or a slice of cucumber for variety occaisionally. Take some iron and multi vitamins (pregnancy ones natch) That way babe will only get occaisional nutrients, making for a light undemanding baby once it makes its arrival - and if a tummy tuck can be arranged at the same time you will be back to you usual emaciated state in no time at all!! Anyone up for a trip to Tammygirl for some skinny jeans this weekend??

bubble99 · 19/07/2006 23:26

So, if my foetus kicks me, should I give it 'time out'?

northender · 19/07/2006 23:27

don't make me laugh any more, might wake the foerus up and it musn't wake now until 2334 or it'll ruin it's next sleep.

Original poster
hunkermunker · 19/07/2006 23:28

Oh fuck, I started this thread in chat

Are they all automatically deleted? Can I get it moved? I like it, you see, and want to post it on routine threads in the future

OP posts:
Flossam · 19/07/2006 23:30

could copy and paste to the sacred other subjects? or restart it and perhaps we could all re post?????

harpsichordcarrier · 19/07/2006 23:30

hunker you doughnut

harpsichordcarrier · 19/07/2006 23:31

copy and paste won't work though if the original thread is deleted?