Hi, (sorry, long!)
I'm bound to get this wrong and sound either too judgey or to be told to keep my beak out, but there are a few things my friend (who is in a BDSM relationship) is doing that is starting to make me feel uncomfortable for her, and my kids.
Background - I've known this friend for a couple of years. She's a single mum and is incredibly kind and generous. We often do things together with our kids ( she has one the same age as mine, although she also has a son who is 19 as well) like swimming, parks etc. She's the first person I would go to if I needed someone to have my kids if there was an emergency appointment etc.
I've always known she is into 'events' - lots of whipping, roleplay etc, but it's been 'each to his own' for me. She occasionally tells me details, but generally, we stick to ordinary 'friendshippy-kids stuff' But her most recent relationship is making me uncomfortable. I'll bullet point things:
-Her new "dominant" is 2 only years older than her son. Fair enough to have a younger boyfriend, but she now wants to get the family all together for jolly Christmastime. From what I get, this guy is purely there on a sexual basis, he's not really a boyfriend. Her son is a little off the rails already (recent arrests for criminal damage and drunkeness) and I just wonder what affect this will have on him, having this new guy around during the holidays.
- She is always, at the moment, covered in very obvious whip marks, up her legs and on her back and arms. Again, I wonder how that makes her sons feel, seeing that. When my own kids have asked, I said that she must be accident prone or has been sitting on garden chairs too long (
) She tends to wear fairly skimpy clothes, even in winter. I feel really superficial about this, but I feel a little embarrassed to be around her when she is covered like this. I know it's my problem - isn't it?
-At the moment, she has this guys initials carved into her skin on her chest. Again, I just wish she'd cover it up a little as my daughter is kind of freaked out as I can't come up with a good explanation. This is my problem again, isn't it? I just don't know.
-She is leaving her 10 year old in the care of her 19 year old when she goes to London every other weekend to see her new 'dominant'. The 19 year old is not a reliable babysitter and she knows that the younger boy is being left till 2am often at night by himself. I've taken to having her son at mine instead and raised that the arrangement with her older son might not be safe, but she is adamant the younger DS is fine by himself in the house. In fairness, her 10YO is very street smart.
-I know she 'plays' alot of these 'games' with her dominant (by Skype) while the boys are in the house during the day. Sometimes, the dominant makes her kneel in the corner for 30 mins and he watches on a webcam etc. Is this any worse than having a fumble under the duvet on a sunday morning with your partner? I just don't know anymore, but I find it all a bit unsettling.
-She has to ask the dominant to do any smallest thing. So I spend so much of my time waiting for her to text him and waiting for his response while I'm with her. I kind of feel uncomfortable her carrying out her submissive role while I am there. But because I'm not part of this 'culture' I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not.
I guess what I'm saying, is this is a good friend, who is in the flushes of a new relationship, but that I feel like I'm, my kids and her kids are being too much drawn into her sex life. Would you say anything? What would you say? Am I being too judgy? or am i putting up with too much from this friend? Mostly, I am worried about the younger DS.
Thank you for any input.