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Original poster

Would you keep this friend?

35 replies

hoppingmad · 04/09/2013 15:03

This might be long, sorry.

I split from ex several years ago. At the time I had a close and supportive group of friends who really helped me through it. I was able to talk through all the emotional and sexual abuse I had experienced and having them there gave me the strength to leave.

My friendships seemed strong and solid for a long time but then I met my dh. Shortly before we married he suffered a serious injury and has yet to fully recover. Because of this he has not worked in 3 years although only recently claiming benefits as he had a lot of sick time and holiday to use up from previous job (very good perks, position etc)

Anyway the self proclaimed "queen b" of the group decided my dh was faking for the benefits (he has never claimed dla). From then on she has done nothing but gossip and back stab. She has become best friends with my ex, no one in the village will speak to us or let their dc's play with ours. She has told my ex a pack of lies and I believe his anger over what he heard is at least partly the reason he has cut contact with dc's.

She has also submitted malicious reports to my ll, the benefits agency and social services. All agreed it was malicious and nothing happened about them but was very stressful at the time with having a disabled child and newborn twins to deal with too.

So now I have basically no friends, the few that stood by me have not been in touch since I had the twins. I was left with one very close friend who knows everything

I love her to bits and would hate to lose her but ...

She has recently been getting friendly with the queen b again - spending time together and going on about her a lot. I can't be bothered with all these playground antics and I don't want friends I can't trust.

I feel like I have been hurt quite badly but I've come out stronger but that I'm not willing to have people take the piss but at the same time I'm not interested in forcing people to 'choose sides'

She has texted asking to meet up and I honestly don't know what to do. Do I continue this friendship despite feeling like she'll be reporting back to queen b about anything I say or do I just throw in the towel? Wwyd?

OP posts:
Original poster
hoppingmad · 06/09/2013 10:08

Thank you, sadly she has cancelled which says it all really. She is asking to reschedule but I've had enough now. I am actually worth better than that

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 06/09/2013 14:00

How do you feel now, Hopping - a bit relieved? Or sad that she's let you down and so you need to let her go?

I hope it's the former and you can move on with a relatively light heart, especially when you move location.

Original poster
hoppingmad · 06/09/2013 14:17

Sadly no, I feel absolutely gutted and can't stop crying. I'm at the point of wondering what the future holds.

I have been shat on by so many people that I don't think I can trust anyone again.

My ex has come out of the whole thing smelling of roses despite all he put us through and even though he decided to go NC with the dc's.

I have my family who are wonderful, I adore my dc's and my dh is the love of my life so I feel like I'm being ungrateful. It makes me feel guilty that its like I'm saying they're not enough Hmm

All in all I'm a self pitying mess today and reaching for the chocolate as usual

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Thumbwitch · 06/09/2013 14:27

Ah no, that's not self-pity, that's sadness that some bitch and your ex between them have robbed you of your friends and life that you thought you had. Plus the sheer bloody injustice of it all!

Well just remember that the best revenge is to live life better without them all - but in the meantime, have a (((hug))), some Brew and Cake. x

Original poster
hoppingmad · 06/09/2013 14:29

Thank you so much, you are bang on that the injustice is what makes it harder to bear.

I'm sure I will feel better tomorrow, just need to lick my wounds a bit

OP posts:
laeiou · 06/09/2013 14:32

Your friend has asked to reschedule. "I'm worth better than that" should be directed at queen b, not your friend, surely? Are you sure you're not reading more info it than is there?

noobieteacher · 06/09/2013 14:43

Queen b sounds like a psychopath. Do call and visit as many people as you can so they understand who you really are. The truth will come out in the end and Queen b will likely move away. Look into the legal aspects of the false accusations. It could count as slander,?

Original poster
hoppingmad · 06/09/2013 14:47

That comment was directed at the whole situation. There is a part of me that feels like I'm throwing my toys out the pram but the other part knows that my friend is fully aware of how this is all going to make me feel.
Which is precisely why she initially arranged to see me and now I know she has wanted to postpone it as she knows that I have a tendency to calm down quickly and thinks it will all blow over if she waits a while.

This is what I'm sick of, being a pushover and allowing people to treat me like crap.

OP posts:
Original poster
hoppingmad · 06/09/2013 16:06

Thank you for your advice noobie, I sent out some feelers to the other friends I've not really seen since having the twins. (Their own dc's are much older and they are busy so we've drifted rather than fallen out)

The replies pinged back and we are busy arranging a time Smile. Feel much brighter and less sorry for myself but wouldn't have 'put myself out there' without that little push

OP posts:
noobieteacher · 08/09/2013 11:59

There's something wrong with her, not you. Smile

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