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Please help - abusive neighbour

61 replies

evansthebread · 25/07/2012 01:05

Hi All - newish here so please be gentle.

To cut a long story short - next door neighbour is also our tenant (DH is an accidental LL as the house couldn't be sold). They moved in last November, very pleased with house (we lived there for 8 years and left it perfect). She's very friendly with my MIL and there, I think, the problem began.

When we interviewed them they told us they had dogs but they were quiet. We also told them that DH works shifts and would appreciate peace & quiet while he's sleeping (2 days in every 8) during the day. They agreed and assured us there's be no problem.

There was. Within weeks of moving in they'd bought another dog. This dog was noisy, barking morning, noon and night. DH had seen them in the garden a few times and asked them to try to keep it quiet, then WE had complaints about the incessant barking from 2 other neighbours (we'd also had a complaint from our old neighbour that she was shouting and swearing at her kids a LOT - kids aged 6 & 8). We knocked on their door at 11 am one Saturday as both their cars were there, to tell them that we were fed up with both the dogs and the complaints. Cue fireworks. She went absolutely mental, effing and blinding. Her husband was physically trying to restrain her. She screamed at me that I was a "effing spoiled b!tch" amongst many other insults and that just rang bells in my head - I could just hear my MIL telling her this.

Upshot of all this was that they got rid of the newest dog, but one of the other, previously fairly quiet dogs had then started barking a lot. FF to April when we'd had more complaints so wrote a letter asking them to make a mutually convenient date to talk about the dogs/complaints. We put at end of letter that we were happy for the wife to be there but would not tolerate abuse or bad language. We never had a reply. Last month he complained that the shower was leaking which we had fixed within 3 days (they have 2 bathrooms so weren't without).

Shortly afterwards, her boys were playing in the garden with a variety of balls. For several days I'd asked them to be a bit more careful or to play in the park (opposite - they usually just play on the road), but they kept throwing the balls over onto our fruit plants. After throwing the ball back for the 9th time, I could see that they were having fun using me to play fetch (not fun for me as I'm on crutches). Within seconds of me turning my back, the ball was back in so I turned around and said, in a raised voice but not a shouty/aggressive tone, "Enough! I'm keeping the ball here. Send your father around to get it when he gets home." Shocked silence then they both ran back in crying (crying is a regular occurrence as the oldest hits the cr@p out of both the youngest AND the (quiet) dog). Few minutes on and she's out calling my name which I totally ignored. When DH came home that evening, her husband was waiting at the gate, complaining that I'd "shouted at them so much, they wet the bed every night" WTF? They hadn't even been sent to bed! They were playing in the street until DH came home!

Anyway (yep, the end is nigh), Saturday afternoon I was bringing washing in and glanced at her in the garden to which I had "What the EFF are you staring at, b!tch?" and I ignored. Later on, bringing more washing in, she was SCREAMING at her kids in the kitchen, effing and blinding so loud that as I turned to look I noticed my neighbour the other side looking up. She caught me looking and totally went off, "What the eff are you looking at you effing barren b!tch? You don't have any effing kids so what the eff would you know about them?" I was trying to get back into the house as quickly as possible - not so easy with crutches and a washing basket. Then, out she comes withe baby (the one that has only just come out of a 2.5 month stay in hospital in the preemie unit as her mother refused to give up smoking despite being told she'd be born early), loudly baby talking whilst effing at me at the same time.

I'd had enough and before DH came home and banned me, I called the police. The lady taking down the details seemed quite nice. She said someone would be in touch in 24 hours. Meanwhile DH comes home and starts telling me I shouldn't have involved them. They never called back so I called again next night. Got an even nicer lady who took the time to take all the background plus my background (glassed by ex step-sister/abusive ex husband who held me down for his g'friend to beat me up then broke into my locked bedroom and chainsawed my bed in half - just for starters). I have fibromyalgia and broke both my ankles in a fall a few years back - am still waiting to see a surgeon as they're still extremely painful. I've also been seeing a counsellor for 4 years as I was almost housebound with agoraphobia for 12 years - ironically, this is the first summer (hah!) I've started to venture into the garden doing normal things like hanging out washing and watching DH with his beloved fruit bushes. My anxiety is so extreme I needed Diazepam to attend my niece's wedding - the first social event I've been to for 11 years. Anyway, nice lady told me they'd get a female officer to sort it out (also intimidated around strange men).

Well, had phone call tonight from female officer saying they'd sent someone around to talk to them and put them on an anti-social behaviour register. Apparently, from what I can gather, I'm now on it, too, as they're counter-allegated. But there's no need for me to worry as it's not an ASBO.

What does this mean? I just wanted someone to go around and make her stop harassing me when I'm in the garden. Her words really, really hurt me. My MIL has apparently filled her in that we can't have kids (I come on here as I have 10 nephews and 3 nieces that I'm very close to and feel like I'm a substitute mum to at times) as I've had 7 miscarriages and was finally told that it would be impossible to carry past first trimester. I don't ever want to be called that again by anyone.

I want them gone but DH argues that they keep the place clean and pay their rent on time. He doesn't seem to see past that to the trouble they've caused. The WPC wanted to speak to him tonight about what he was going to do. I know what he's going to do - take the easiest road (which is just to shut up and put up!). He's tried to be a good LL but now is in the position of having a nagging wife (who's slowly starting to go off the rails again) and of not having a clue on how to evict them even if he wanted to!

WWYD? Would you let them stay or ask them to leave? I'm obviously hoping for some support here as I just don't think I'll ever be happy living next door to a woman like that. I kept a voice-activated recorder in my pocket when I was with my ex as the police wouldn't take me seriously until the tape caught him screaming at me that he was gonna bury a hammer in my head. I don't want to have to go back to those days - I still have nightmares NIGHTLY about him and ended up having a nervous breakdown.

Please help - I need someone to kind of read this situation for me as I have no faith in myself and if I'm overreacting. I'm starting to think that I've started to wander off the path to Sane again.

Evans

PS Didn't do a good job of cutting the long story short!

OP posts:
Ikickedthetyres · 25/07/2012 01:08

Give them notice.

cocolepew · 25/07/2012 01:11

Give them notice.

SkipTheLightFanjango · 25/07/2012 01:17

Yup..notice to quit!

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crystaldash · 25/07/2012 01:36

Give them Notice to leave. Do they have a contract? They sound horrible-really feel for you.

perplexedpirate · 25/07/2012 01:42

Get them gone, quick smart.
I'd rather have the house stood than deal with that shower.

evansthebread · 25/07/2012 01:44

Wow - that was quick! Especially at this time of night.

Thank-you All. I've been wavering on the put-up-and-shut-up fence (very easy, can see why DH likes it up there!), but really, it's just going to make me ill again. Even with the hassle, I know that by Christmas (fingers crossed), it'll all just be consigned to the bad-experience memory bin.

Again, thank-you.

PS Still confused - does the fact that I've made a complaint that the police have followed up and they've counter-allegated mean that I've got a mark against me? I'm very keyed up about all this and can feel myself wanting to self-harm again. I felt like a useless idiot having to ring them up and explain for the second time but it still hasn't sunk in.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/07/2012 01:52

I don't know what an anti-social behaviour register might be, perhaps it's the prelude to an ASBO? (Am in Scotland, our legal system is probably different.) A sort of log of evidence for court?

Anyway, as everyone else has said, give them notice.

Best of luck.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/07/2012 01:54

Sorry, I mean, if it is a log of evidence, it's nothing for you to worry about, because there won't be any allegations from other neighbours. Whereas your tenant has pissed off everyone.

AKMD · 25/07/2012 21:04

Get them out ASAP. Disgusting behaviour.

HecateHarshPants · 25/07/2012 21:06

oh yes. give them notice. How stupid of them to treat their landlord like this.

EverybodysDoeEyed · 25/07/2012 21:17

Get them out

And get your dh to grow some balls. They are in your property and he thinks the easy approach is to just put up with it! The mind boggles

mellowcat · 25/07/2012 21:24

Get them out. What she said is unforgivable. Tbh I'd also be thinking of phoning Children's Services as well. Children should not be constantly screamed at. Really hope you get some lovely neighbours next time round.

Angelico · 25/07/2012 21:24

Honestly can't understand how you and DH have allowed this to go on so long. You are their landlords. They must be beyond fuck stupid to antagonise their LANDLORDS Confused

Give notice but be prepared for a fight in terms of rent refusal etc. Might be worth getting legal advice before you give notice to make sure everything is done by the book. Just the act of giving notice or warning that you will do so might put the wind up them and make them get a grip.

Olympicnmix · 25/07/2012 21:27

You might need to get some advice from experienced landlords on here/Internet, but yes, give them notice. They sound vile.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 25/07/2012 21:30

Wow, that sounds horrendous!

Surely the biggest benefit of being the LL to your next-door-neighbour is the ability to choose them? Get rid!! Horrible neighbours can really make your life a misery- you should be able to enjoy your garden Sad

Coconutty · 25/07/2012 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tryingtonotfeckup · 25/07/2012 21:40

So sorry you're going through this, I'd get them out too.

Take legal advice as you need to follow specific steps to do this. They will also provide an extra link in the chain so you don't have to deal directly with them, I know they will be next door but it may be helpful having that.

Originalplurker · 25/07/2012 21:47

As for your health issues, it's good that you are noticing these triggers, you seem to have come so far. It must be hard seeing someone be like that with their kids given you have tried for your own family.

Please go see your gp and get any changes to your health logged on your medical records just in case you need to demonstrate the effects on your own health.

I also think you are right about your MIL it seemed she's been feeding them information about you. Even after these nasty nasty unsociable people have gone, you will still be left with her and at so e point your DH needs to grow a pair and stick up for you.

I'm sorry you've had a hard time. Tell yourself that was then this is now, nasty people but different situation.

You can't control them or events, nut you can control how you respond

doinmummy · 25/07/2012 21:47

How long is their contract? Did they sign for 6 months or a year? It seems they have been there for 8 months so if they signed a 6 month contract then you can give them notice easy peasy!

Originalplurker · 25/07/2012 21:47

but ^

MirandaGoshawk · 25/07/2012 21:48

Totally agree with this. They sound awful and you aren't the one in the wrong here - I would feel as if I couldn't cope if I had them as neighbours.

I was going to suggest that you ask your MIL to have a word with them, but on second thoughts, prob best to keep her in the dark. Maybe they feel they can act like this because they are her friends? I which case, don't allow yourselves to be dictated to by MIL! Get them out. Good luck.

fortyeighthourdancemarathon · 25/07/2012 21:55

Give them notice, plenty more tenants in the sea. I had quite a few problems with my neighbour being abusive and aggressive to me (nothing like yours though!). She has moved recently and I feel like I have a new lease of life. Do it now!!!

fortyeighthourdancemarathon · 25/07/2012 21:56

Also I can't believe your dh is letting this continue, when he could easily protect you from this by getting rid of them. What's wrong with him?

Secret7 · 25/07/2012 22:05

I would give them notice to quit and until they leave the property keep a diary of all the anti social behaviour.

Do you know what counter allegations they have made?

OlympicRelay · 25/07/2012 22:09

Get them out and you need to speak to your councellor about your mil.

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